We've been together for 15 years, and married now for 6 years. He cheated on me before. A whole secret life deal. While I was pregnant with our first child. I was 17 at the time. We reconciled, married, and have had another child since then. He started a new job working 3rd shift. I knew it would be hard on him so basically I babied him. He would stay up all night long even on his days off, and I would let him sleep all day. Yes I did talk to him about it. He made the usual excuses. So even though I would cry myself to sleep most nights I allowed it to continue. Then I found out the reason why he stayed up all night. It was talking to girls on the internet. (Some local, some not) I thought we were finally at a point in our lives where our family and relationship was coming together. I WAS happy. Now I am not. The trust is gone. I don't even look at him the same way. All we seem to do now is argue and my kids are seeing it. Is it possible that sometimes love isn't enough???
2007-07-01 18:02:21 · 11 answers · asked by reel_diva 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Its possible...theres more to LOVE than just LOVE, if that makes sense. There are many aspects that make up love, and trust is one of those. But love definately isnt enough sometimes, sometimes both people have to try to make something work and here it seems like he is not willing to fight hard enough for it. Its a tough situation but it sounds to me like you can do much better on your own and finding someone new. You dont need someone who cant respect you as their wife, their friend, their lover, their childrens mother. Your kids will be better off in a less abrassive household...they dont need to see their dad treat their mother like that. I'm sorry for your situation, and I know that I havent said much encouraging, but I just know that you would be better off out of that situation. I wish the best to you and hope everything works out for you!
2007-07-01 18:08:18 · answer #1 · answered by Nikki 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is committing on line infidelity. You are not alone, this is ruining marriages all over the world at this very moment. If you want to get more info on the subject, you can go to 'On line infidelity' there is a lot of info there. You can tell him it has to stop or you are going to kick him to the curb. If he is dug in like a tick and won't go, you will have to move. You can talk to a divorce lawyer and find out your options there. You can also get a key logger, a key ghost or a webwatcher and find out exactly what is being said. If he tries to tell you, you are stepping on his privacy, he is totally wrong. You have every right as his wife to find out exactly what he is doing and saying with other women online or in the flesh.
He has no business as a married man doing this behavior. It is total disrespect to you and your marriage. It can escalate to cyber sex and eventually actual in the flesh meetings.
It is also an addiction. It starts out as a fantasy, the people involved only reveal their best or made up parts. Well you can read about it yourself on line. It is adultery. It is not your fault although he will probably try to make you think it is, even though he is the one doing the wrong. He very well may think he loves you and because it is on the computer it isn't cheating. That's the lie the cheaters tell them selves to ease their guilty consciences.
Lust is the temptation that starts it. The whole thing changes your world and makes you question yourself and everything else you once believed in. He is cheating on you in your own home right under your nose. It is infuriating. Know this it is him that is wrong not you.
One last thing, get a Holy Bible and read 1st Cor chpt 13. It's the definition of love.
2007-07-02 01:26:20 · answer #2 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow first of you have to think about the kids and whats beat for them do you really want them in an environment were there parents are fighting its not good for them they'll have memories about that forever next what about you if your unhappy take your kids and leave haven't you ever heard the saying once a cheater always a cheater hes not going to change if hes done it once hell do it again its just a matter of time get out now and don't go back you'll be much happier in the future
2007-07-02 01:12:47 · answer #3 · answered by Bootylicious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Reel
let me share some facts with you.
When I was working 3rd shif. I also stayed up all night, It's a real bugger to get back on the schedule if your breaking it all the time. 3rd sucks.
as for him talking to girls guess what. he is home with virtually nothing to do, and a wife who is sleeping. what do you expect him to do? I'm willing to bet he did not start out doing that, but he was probably willing to do any thing to keep awake. I know I sure was. You have no Idea how tough it is living a life on 3rd shift. Every thing is out of kilter. time with family, events in the community, and forget planning any thing for weekends, =(
Try having a bit of compassion for the bloke, Suggest you read Women power, and His Needs, Her Needs. they can help you out.
then suggest you find a hoby you both can accept. =)
2007-07-02 01:10:16 · answer #4 · answered by Sully 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Love AND trust both need to be present in a marriage. It doesn't seem like they are there in yours. You and your husband may need some outside help to explore where the love and trust went and if there is any hope in getting them back.
2007-07-02 02:31:31 · answer #5 · answered by Dick Jones 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is never enough. Respect and trust are much more important than love. Some arranged marriages survive a lifetime without love, but never without respect or trust.
2007-07-02 01:06:37 · answer #6 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need respect and trust as well as love, and by what you have said, u dont trust him and he doesnt respect you!
You need to get help from a counsellor for the both of you, or just call it quits, it will be hard but you can get there.
2007-07-02 01:08:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
what is love w/out understanding and communication? nothing. if u and ur spouse dont have effective communication and mutual respect for one another, then what do u have. u can love someone all day long but if the relationship is in shambles then u need to either make a change or fix it, do something. i think u know what u have to do. its just hard for u to realize it.
2007-07-02 01:08:19 · answer #8 · answered by the_kid_doesnt_care 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Or there is no love from him....it sounds like your trying really hard on a relationship that he isnt willing to have...he doesnt really care about anything but himself...I say seperation.
2007-07-02 01:32:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i really feel sorry for you on this where he has dont this in the past you know as well as i you can never trust this type he is low hon you need to try counceling your self and get a life see.s he has chosed his you can do beter that him . again i am sorry as to what he has and still doing to you . in my opion? leave him///?
2007-07-02 01:10:38 · answer #10 · answered by the_silverfoxx 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋