i wanna be a single parent when i grow up?

Question

im 19, and by the time i become say 40 or so i wanna have a son without a wife. the reason for this is because my parents broke up, and so my view of marriage and love is very superficial. but i still wanna have a kid. i just dont want my son to experience the pain of seeing his parents separate, as i have. is this a good idea?

Answer 1

no

Answer 2

Women divorce men and take the kids all the time.
I'm sure plenty of women will say this is a bad idea, but if you want to be a single parent, then by all means, go for it. You could adopt, or you could go through other means (surrogacy with a donor egg so that there is no genetic issue. You'll need a good lawyer to contract this one though, let alone the expense will be an issue.

Marriage has become an iffy thing. Divorce and Family law being what they are, many men are wishing they had never married. Don't let other convince you this is a bad idea. If its ok to have so many single and divorced moms with custody, theres no reason you shouldn't pursue having a child of your own without the risks marriage entails.

Heres some other reading...
http://www.dont-marry.com/


Additional:
I find it very interesting that it's ok for there to be a multitide single mothers and that it's ok to exclude the father from the beginning or through means of divorce. You mention single fatherhood by design as you have and people freak out how the child needs a mother and what a dis-service you are doing to that child. Not all, but many people would proclaim, were this a woman, how liberated and free and empowering a woman is who would consider this.

I'm sure some would falsely tell you that you need a mother to keep the child from being violent. The idea that males are naturally violent abusers has become prevalent in the current media acceptance of the feminist doctrine and acceptance of misandry as the norm. Divorce can be filed on the flimsiest of "general discontent" Divorce laws slant towards women's benefit on the whole. 85% of custody situations are awarded to women on the whole, along with enough support and alimony in many cases to financially ruin a man.

You may change your mind. You may not. I hope you don't let others convince you that you can't be a good parent singly. I'm sure with the right mindset and capabilities, you can.

Answer 3

Not really if your going about life and love just becuase your parents did not work out does not mean yours will too. My parents seperated, but I am still married to my wife for over 5 years now, really you just never know till you try. Don't give up if you do then there is no point on raising a child, for a father that is just a looser and a quiter. Your son or daughter will see it as well. They will go by what you told them why you don't want to be married. Kids pick this stuff up quick when thier young. I rather be a father that have gone through alot in my life wither it was bad or good never have I regreted one thing. Anyone will tell you quiters are loosers if you don't have the will to fight your problems then even bother raising a child to stupe down to your level of thinking and feelings.

Answer 4

It is ridiculous to impose your fear of marriage on a child. A child needs two parents. They learn different things from each parent. It is unfortunate that some families do not stay together, but to plan it that way just because of your fears is cheating the child out of the opportunity to have the benefits of both a mother and a father. Please reconsider your feelings about that. As a young person, I do admire you for wanting to wait until you are older to have children, because you are obviously not ready to be a parent right now.

I hope that you will eventually give someone the opportunity to show you that not all relationships are bad. When two people do not make it, it is usually because they got married too young, or without enough thought. Just take your time. I hope that you will eventually fall in love. Love is one of the most beautiful experiences a person can have in their life.

Answer 5

What are you kidding! I'm not trying to judge you, but your life as an adult may have a bigger picture then what you map out. Don't short change yourself by being negative to love ,and marriage its not as you seem. Just think of what you can and will do differently. How you would make things work if needed work. Man your only 19 live a little and now that you want end up like that, and end up alone paying child support when you just pay a lillte more attention for free,,,,,

Answer 6

No not all marriages end up like your parents. You know you can find a wonderful women who you can love and can love you and can grow old together. Marriage doesn't always equal divorce. A child deserve two parents you did and I'm sorry you didn't have that. If you find the right person and you think this one is the one don't no marry her because of your parents you make your life.

Answer 7

Not really. You need to be extra careful picking your partner thats all. Make sure you don't bring any of that abusiveness from your parents relationships into your marriage.

Marriage itself is a good and practical institution for a few reasons.

1. Try as you might, you will not always be able to be there for your child, that's why you have parent #2.

2. You want to give YOUR child a good sense of a balanced decent male/female relationship, find a good woman , make your life together that example.

3. Money, guys certainly have it easier in todays world, when it comes to money but its still tougher than if you are married.

4. You're depriving yourself and your child of that ineffable female presence in your lives. That can make things very much simpler in some ways but it's also very boring.

Answer 8

The pain of seperation is nothing compared to the pain of not knowing who your parent is all together. I grew up with much of the hurt you felt watching my parent's marriage fall apart. Even at 4 I remember the fights and watching my dad walk away. Its ok to be afraid of one day getting married and settling down but a child needs both perspectives off life to survive efficently... While my mom and dad were split up I had both sides. Even with both of them trying to be there for me, theres no guarantee I would've turned out okay. There's plenty of people in two parent homes who are just as screwed up emotionally.

My thought is this: don't shoot yourself in the foot 25 years early. Try to learn from the mistakes of your parents and choose mates who are more well grounded and do not remind you of your parents. Choose someone with communication skills and the ability to compromise and you won't have to go through the same pains as your parents if you also meet this person half way. Don't choose someone with the same problems as you. Single parenting is not easy and not cheap (emotionally or money wise.) it'll cost you alot in both areas and you may regret not choosing differently.

Answer 9

No. Afterall, you are basically saying you want to curse your child with the same superficial view of marriage like you have. Get some counseling or something and overcome the shortfalls that occurred in your life and invest your time and energy in a partner so that together you can raise a healthy happy person.

Answer 10

Its not a bad idea or a good idea.... there is both good and bad about it... however, you are only 19 and your view may change over time. You may meet a woman that you come to find you cannot live w/ out!! One never knows! Good luck to you in what ever you decide! Also, I am sorry to hear about your mom and dad and how badly it has affected you! Its kind of sad really... :(

Answer 11

To a 19 yr old, 40 is far far away. Live another 10 years and you'll have a better idea about parenting.