Should I investigate, or let him slip up?

Question

"Mate" of 3yrs, best friends for 5 years...I found a number on the phone bill that he had been calling several times a day, some days more than he would call me. Found messages on his voicemail from "her," nothing that REALLY indicated a "REAL" relationship, but "she" seemed like too close of a friend...and I never met her. They have been "friends" for 3 months according to him. [and the phone bills] I also had a miscarriage at 3months just recently...I confronted him about this "friend," and he apologized and said he would stop all communication with "her," and change his phone number. Well he never changed the number, and 1 week later [the day we were "celebrating" our "healthy" relationship] I heard ANOTHER message that she left him. "She" said she was returning his call. I wont be 100% sure that this is the same person until the phone bill comes out in about 3 weeks...but I am about 99.8% sure that this is the same person.

Now my question is do YOU think I should confront him?

And if so...should I do it now, or when the phone bill comes out.

Or...do you think I should let him set himself up??

Thanks in advance...if you dont have advise...simply DONT ANSWER!

ALSO, RUDE ANSWERS WILL NOT BE TOLERATED!!

...***Someone offered to call "her" and just have an adult conversation, and see if there is really any infidelity...

Good or bad idea????

Thanks!!

Answer 1

I'll tell you what's gonna happen if you confront him now. He will ether lie, or make up a lame *** excuse for these calls. Also, he will know that you are really on to him and he will be much more careful and harder to catch. There are ways to check up on him. E-mail me if you want some advice.
Good luck

Answer 2

Calling her or having someone else call her is ridiculous. It will solve nothing, because no matter what she says, you'll question her honesty. Besides, this is something to talk to HIM about, not her. Stop snooping through the phone bill and just talk to him. If you're in a relationship, then there must be trust. Give him a chance to tell you what's going on. Maybe the only reason he's hiding it is because he thinks you'll make too much of it (I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt here). Honestly, I had a close male friend that I talked to all the time. Luckily, my husband understood we were just friends, but if he had been a jealous person, it could have easily been blown out of proportion.

On the other hand, don't ignore you instincts. If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck...

Answer 3

I would definitely wait until the phone bill comes so you have proof it is the same person. If you don't and it is the same person whats to stop him from saying its someone else and then what do you do. If it is the same person I would confront him immediately don't wait for him to go further with it, or for proof that its gone any further. Even its not a physical affair,it is an emotional relationship which is almost worse. Its kinda weird if she is just a friend that he didn't argue that point and just offered to change his number and cut contact, was he feeling guilty? Maybe he didn't want you looking any further into it. I would feel really betrayed that he didn't do as he said, still kept in contact with her behind your back. I mean whats more important, his relationship with you or with her? Good luck.

Answer 4

First, decide what do YOU want - I mean do you want a reason to break up with him? IF you do then confront him - as he did lie. Then leave him. If you want to make it work then tell him that it concerns you that he hasn't changed the number yet - as you need him to do that now so you can keep the trust. Yes, by all means call her - but you do it. Call her and say - I am concerned that I havent' met you as my significant other and I keep no secrets. He told me a week ago that I was most important to him and that he would terminate contact with you and that doesn't seem to have happened so I can calling you to see what is going on from your point of view. To me it is a betrayal even if no sex is involved if he is lying about her, keeping her a secret and calling her or seeing her behind your back.

Answer 5

Yes you should ask about the phone number and why he is calling it several times a day. You do not need to be entertaining him having this thing going on with a "friend". I am one of those people that think, friends can become even more and it sounds like he is spending a lot of time talking to her. Yea I would have the phone invoice in my hand and ask him to explain. I am so sorry about your loss, you don't need the extra stress after something that is so hard to deal with anyway. God Bless, Hon

Answer 6

I believe when in a relationship if both parties are following the path of being loyal...you cannot have an outside friendship so close that your significant other doesn't know the person, never talked to them or have never even been introduced for that matter.
What's the big 'secret' if your just friends?
When a female calls my house or wants to have drinks after work with my man she better be sayin' 'Hello or asking me if I'd like to join them...ya heard?

Answer 7

I would not call her or have anyone else call her.
SHE is NOT the problem.
His lies are the problem.
You don't have to be confrontational. Just explain you feel he lied and made contact after he said he would not.
Ask him and see if he answers honestly.
You know when a guy lies.
He has avoided changing his phone number. He received a call from her after he "supposedly" stopped communication.
The signs are there.
Don't wait until you get the phone bill.

Answer 8

Well, it sounds like he contacted her again after he told you he would not. I think he is really bringing some confusion and creating trust issues in the relationship. I would not confront him yet. Like you said, wait a bit and watch. He will slip up eventually then you will have your facts and proof! Once you get that, you will know you left him for a good reason! And never second guess your reason for leaving him in the future!

Answer 9

I'm having the same problem... Here's what I do... I check his cell phone bill on-line. Depending on his carrier most of them let you check usage via the internet.

Do not confront him till you are sure... I made that mistake and it has made it even harder for me to catch him. Now he deletes all 200 text messages to her per day before he gets home from work so I cant read them, and deletes the calls he makes to her. He says their just friends, but even I dont talk to my friends that much- not even my best friend. Trust is a very fragile thing, as I have learned recently. If you are untrusting of him I see that it is for good reason. You have to protect yourself and do what you think is right. But truly my advice to you is not to let on to the fact you know "something is up" because that is the only way he will slip- therefore your able to catch him. Its a horrible feeling to know that something is going on behind your back, and you are unable to prove it. Try finding out as much about her as you can, where she works, lives, who her friends are, e-mail adresses-- it takes awhile but it makes catching him a whole lot eaiser. Just a quick question for you... Has he been showing up late from work, hiding his cell phone from you- or atleast not letting it out of his sight, or disapearing to the bathroom/bedroom randomly possibly to talk to her?? You have to watch for these little things because eventually they all add up. Also, are you able to check his bank statements? There may be some strange/odd activity on them as well as his cell phone bills. I sound psychotic- and lately I feel that way, I think its because I'm pregnant. You may also feel that way because of your loss and also that you are also losing your mate all at the same time. Just take deep breaths and one day at a time. I hope this helped.

Answer 10

I would not envolve her.
I would confront him now (I wouldn't be able to wait til next bill, I would die waiting).
So, in my point of view he is the one that is looking for trouble.
Find it out, but before you do, analyse the situation and think that this story can end in two different ways, just be prepared for either way.
I really hope everything will come out the way you have planned.

God Bless you both, I mean the three of you!