He calls me names...he screams in my face...tells me that he hates me and wished he never married me..that he doesn't care ...that he is gonna find some "hot A** B****and F*** her and that it's going to feel sooo good...He tells me he doesn't care at all...just to go ahead and leave...that he is sick of me...I offered free counseling...but he doesn't want to spend the gas money (it's 15 min away)...... I want to hold on to my marriage but not like this..should i divorce him now?
2007-07-01 17:33:41 · 23 answers · asked by beautiful_mind1217 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
** I wrote him a letter..explaining that I think we need to take some time apart to get some clearer insight into this thing and that if he's not willing to seek help then I don't know what we are going to do...He says all the issues are with me and he doesn't care....So I am staying at my mother's home for at least tonight*
2007-07-01 17:49:34 · update #1
* this is also difficult because he wasn't this way when we were dating (he's actually my church's music minister...) and he says I made him this way! Could it really be my fault...or is he just showing his true colors now that he "has" me?
2007-07-01 17:52:16 · update #2
I would definately say divorce him. You dont deserve to be treated like that. If he is unwilling to go to counseling, then I would just move on to better things. You will be much better off, there is no reason a man...especially YOUR HUSBAND should treat you like that. I know that its tough to leave a marriage, but it will be better for you in the end. Good luck to you!
2007-07-01 17:37:50 · answer #1 · answered by Nikki 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If the gas money is more important than the marriage-- there's your answer.
If's he's told you he hates you and wishes he had never married you- there's your answer.
If he screams and curses at you daily- there's your answer.
If he tells you he'd raher be with another women he can **** than you- there's your answer.
If he subtracts from you life by daily abusing you and not wanting to make it work-- there's your answer.
GET A SUPPORT GROUP: Surround yourself with strong friends, or make friends with strong people-- you'll need a support group (don't choose negative marriage or man/woman-haters as they poisen the well) thru this process. Seek counseling yourself-- a minister or even a good friend can be a lifesaver. Do this now and don't wait.
You have many answers-- it's a matter of how long you will accept the abuse and neglect and when you will come to terms that you're not married but a prisoner/hostage situation that you choose to stay in.
The longer you stay, the weaker your resolve to leave him will be.
Good luck!
In answer to your question about you making him this way-- it's a diversion and poor strategy for not accepting responsibility. He chose this as a reaction to you... you may actually be no different than him and may have contributed to this problem greatly, but that's now a moot point: you're in neck deep in an abusive relationship- that's all that matters now.
learn your lessons here and apply them to another relationship some day-- but wait about 1-2 months for every year of marraige to avoid making the same mistake twice.
2007-07-02 00:41:15 · answer #2 · answered by Wisdom??? 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Omg, what he has said to you is horrible! I can only imagine how hurt you must feel. However, I don't think it's ever too late to hold on to the marriage. Somehow, you must convince him to go to counseling because, though it will be hard, you can probably work through whatever issues have caused him to ask so angry and unloving towards you. If he really doesn't want to do that, then your only choice is divorce. It doesn't sound like he cares about you at all, but maybe he's just being tough and mean on the outside to conceal a hurt on the inside, something not working in your marriage, that once you find, can be fixed. Good luck!
2007-07-02 00:40:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Leave him, now, darling! You are a living, breathing soul who does not deserve foul treatment, never from your husband. I once was a victim of that, from my father. When I finally got away from that, I felt a million times better. I learned from my mom's divorce that some men can be cruel. Divorce him, and be more independent. Let him find that hot a** b**** and let him f*** her all he wants. It's men like him that sicken me to no end, anyway. Anyhow, just do not hold on if you want to feel better about yourself. There's a life out there for you that you can enjoy, be happy, without dealing with all this pain. Take care; I'll pray for you.
2007-07-02 00:49:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anna S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In order for it to work it takes 2 and here it seems that theres not 2 working at it. theres your answer right in front of you. If you feel like you cant leave because of finances, dont. I have been going through some hard times lately too and I found out about womens shelters out there that help you get away from the abusers. divorce him if you can cause I hate to say it, he could start getting more violent soon. be careful!!!
2007-07-02 00:52:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand that you want to keep or save your marrriage. I hate to say this to anyone but, I really do not think this marriage is worth saving. He doesnt want to take the time to fix it. Including that all the horrible things he has ever said will take a toll on you mentally and you deserve much better than this. This man deserves to be alone. I bet, that he isnt even worth it. You are worth more than that. During this time, you must remind yourself how much better you are than him. Trust me, you are because you have put up with this for so long.
Leave, start your life over. I suggest theraphy for yourself and a day on the town with a bunch of friends. You can, do better than that. I know it!!!!
2007-07-02 00:43:20 · answer #6 · answered by giveu2tictacs 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would definitely try counseling for yourself to try and figure out what you really want. My mother dealt with similar situation for most of her married life and when he finally decided he wanted a divorce he gave her the papers and said trust me I'm being fair so she signed and got nothing. Well long story short she went back (again) and this time she went to counseling and finally learned to stand up for herself and became a better person for it. Dont waste 32 years like my mom did to find your inner strength do it now. If he doesn't like it pack his bag for him and ship him out. No person needs to be around someone who thinks so little of you as a person you have a life beyond this. Most men who act like this feel really crappy about themselves and just want someone else to feel as crappy as they do so let him go to wallow in his own crap and leave you alone.
Im glad to see your leaving and no you didnt make him that way this is how he always was and his true colors are showing. Good Luck.
2007-07-02 00:55:21 · answer #7 · answered by tinkswings 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
when problems come and someone wants out of a marriage, they always blame the other person, to justify things so they won't have to take any of the blame for their part. each party always has a part in a failure. he hopes that what he is doing to u will cause u to want out of the marriage. personally i would divorce him and move on, because a man who loves his wife will not treat her like this, there is no marriage to hold onto, and if he isn't willing to go to therapy, he isn't interested in saving the marriage, and without both of u trying theres really no hope here. get out of this before it hurts u even more.
2007-07-02 07:21:39 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, I'm SO sorry this is happening to you. That sounds awful. I would go to that marriage counselor or a regular therapist to find what you seek. This is way too big of a problem to just throw out here on Yahoo! Answers.
2007-07-02 00:38:49 · answer #9 · answered by clareskee 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, that would be a good idea. Picture spending the rest of your life hearing that from him. They key (that I've learned the hard way) is to look critically at the person and the relationship and take it for what it simply is, not what it could be or what you want it to be. People don't change unless they want to, . This guy is a waste of time and energy. Be sure to punch him in the nuts on your way out.
2007-07-02 00:43:20 · answer #10 · answered by GenericNickname 1 · 3⤊ 1⤋