How do you spend your daily life with joy after your spouse passed away and yr chidren busy w their faml?

Question

Iritadragon....thank you very much my dear, thank you. Yes, I miss Bill so much, I am crying now too.....
Sometimes, I think I lost my vision. I dont know what to do....sure I know I still eat, I still talk to my plants....but they too get ill tho , their flowers not as much.
You know, 3 days before he left me, he brought himself 3 big pots of bougenville which are blooming marvelously, from a further place to front of our porch in the verandah. I was so angry he carred them himself, we have gardener. He said " Thats for you !" I magine that every time i see those flowers every time i open the door. It is hard tho...Yes he planted the orranges, I plant my little flowers, we have enough land surround the house.

Well it's past....I know. Frankly, ......I asked my question with all my heart. Thanks for your words. I cry again. I can keep myself busy, but ...Joy ???? Arguments....provoking each other....

Well, never mind.... it's over, I am always happy when he comes to my dream

Iritadragon....thank you very much my dear, thank you. Yes, I miss Bill so much, I am crying now too.....
Sometimes, I think I lost my vision. I dont know what to do....sure I know I still eat, I still talk to my plants....but they too get ill tho , their flowers not as much.
You know, 3 days before he left me, he brought himself 3 big pots of bougenville which are blooming marvelously, from a further place to front of our porch in the verandah. I was so angry he carred them himself, we have gardener. He said " Thats for you !" I magine that every time i see those flowers every time i open the door. It is hard tho...Yes he planted the orranges, I plant my little flowers, we have enough land surround the house.

Well it's past....I know. Frankly, ......I asked my question with all my heart. Thanks for your words. I cry again. I can keep myself busy, but ...Joy ???? Arguments....provoking each other....

Well, never mind.... it's over, I am always happy when he comes to my dream

Thanks Rube, you strengthen my feeling. You are 80, and still active. You're right , not always joy when Bill around but when he is not here anymore, all of our times feels really as Joys. Feels he never made any mistakes at all, I can only see his love, which what all my friends and family said all the times. Surround us comments always the same, one is the god for the other. But your vibration is strong for me, thanks Rube. I am strong too.

Autumnleaves, thank you. Yes i have God, I love Jesus, I love Virgin Mary, although I am a muslim, dont worry, I love peace. I really praise for Jesus answer when he was opposed to jump to a cliff, I could feel how difficult Virgin Mary had to pass her time being pregnant with no husband, yet she's a saint.
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Yes, I spend lots of times when I really want to commute and have somebody to talk with, in this Yahoo. It is nice, very nice for me indeed. I feel that I have lots of friend here. I get lots of ideas which I thought but never try, and some never even been thought at all.

Thanks manilaman, I'll try Bert's way,write down all the memories I had with Bill. Be4 I start it I want to cry but. Well I feel I dont even want to leave Bill alone in the grave yard. I wish I can go somewhere, but as I read here, if I still cant then stay . I have my youngest son and my parents around near by. But its different tho, can't fight with them.

Answer 1

Not every day can be filled with Joy even if you r spouse is still with you .
However being busy is on of the best things for yo u, I volunteer at our Convention center that bring in live entertainment, and local entertanment as well. I ( 80 years old) have found part time employment ( just 3 days a week and in the mornings) this keeps my mind active and able to communicate with the outside world, Taking bus tours is fun , and a chance to meet new friends.
Join a fitness center, there are many single persons of all ages, get some exceresize and meet new friends.

Answer 2

So far your answerers seem to be telling you to just jump right in and do a million and one things to "get over" your loss.

This didn't work for me.

I have suffered the life altering loss of a partner twice in my lifetime (although neither was a death), and I found that the very best way for me to get back on the wheel of life, was to go SLOWLY.

Walk and look at the world. Look at nature in all it's small minutae, and be thankful for every little bit of it. Look at the innocent joy on a baby's face and revel in it. When you can watch couples walking down the street, holding hands and cannoodling without feeling pain and sadness, you know that you soul has healed enough to move on to a new love.

And you should--love anew that is. It is why human beings are put on this earth to begin with....to share joy in life, and to love.

I don't look upon it as a betrayal of a much loved spouse, but as an affirmation of the joy that all those years with them brought to you -- that you want to duplicate that with someone else.

Answer 3

You are correct - it does rely. The woman around the avenue from me is eighty whatever, and her husband gave up the ghost a couple of years in the past. They had been married endlessly, however approximately a 12 months or so later, she had a boyfriend. When you're historic and acquainted with having your partner there every day, it's devastating to out of the blue be on my own! Wanting a partner is best usual! She turns out so comfortable now! But although you're more youthful. Would your partner relatively desire you to are living the leisure of your existence in no way feeling love and companionship once more? It does not minimize the affection that you've got for him. It does not make him much less most important....

Answer 4

I am sorry to read of the loss of your husband, especially as it was so sudden.

Losing a spouse has been rated medically as the most traumatic event in one's life.

A loss is a loss - a loss. It cannot be replaced, it cannot be substituted. Lost, never to be regained. Always missed.

I would recommend that you see someone (a pastor, a priest, a counselor) who would be able to help you. At the least, please find someone to speak about your loss. You can also go into a bookshop and look up books about grieving.

One book I can recommend you is "Praying our Goodbyes" by Joyce Rupp (a Servite sister). It talks about losses in our lives, and a process by which one can grieve, get some answers, and bring some closure (to be sure, closure *doesn't* mean forgetting or ever not missing our loved ones again, but it does mean we can try and understand why we feel the way we feel or grieve). It isn't just about prayers, but why we feel the loss and what we can do practically to say goodbye. You can go to www.pauline.org to search for it, and email them if you can't find it on their website. You can also try amazon.com. It's a tough book/process to go through, though, I have to let you know, but at the end of it one may some very surprising findings about ourselves, losses in our lives, etc.

(If you do not believe in God or is not a Christian, my apologies to you.)

Answer 5

My love passed 6 yrs. ago and I truly thought my world had ended. I kept waiting to be taken too. I was certain no-one could live with a completely shattered heart.

I waited and I waited.

Then one morning I woke up and realized that had he still been here beside me, he would have been very distressed at my over-whelming grief. It would pain him to think he was the cause of so much pain. So gradually I pulled myself back together. I visited my physician and she prescribed a mild anti-depressant. I began working on the things that were important to me, again.

Is the grief gone? No. But it lessened to a smaller pain, a more manageable one. And I still cry, just not at the drop of a hat.

So hang in there... talking on YA has been a joy for me and hopefully you'll find it so, too.

Answer 6

Get out and volunteer. I spend a lot of time with my church, teaching Sunday School and Junior Church. And whatever other activities they have. I am sure there are lots of different places to volunteer.
If there was one near here, I would join a Seniors Center. Go there to play games with others, make friends, or whatever.
I would go on senior trips.
When you are at home, spend lots of time on the computer. Sites like YA where you can converse with others.
I joined a ceramics class, and that's really a great place to be.

Answer 7

Sadly I feel your hurt and I speak with conviction here. RE-INVENT YOURSELF, get a job with the folks at Experience Works, (employment for ages over 55) nice jobs 20 hours a week, find some new friends and go on a cruise but whatever you do remember your Loved One would not want you to live a sad life. Trust in yourself now.

Answer 8

Live with the joy that your memories provide. Do not live in the past but do not live without it. I too have walked into this valley twice and it does not get easier. You learn to deal with the grief one day at a time until the grief is replaced with hope and God opens a new window for you to look out of. Thank God for the time you did have with your loved one. Remember that the things and ones that we love are just borrowed their not ours at all. Jesus only let us use them to brighten our lives.

Answer 9

My Wife is much alive - and I pray that God grant her long life. But we have a Family Friend (Bert) whose Wife had a sudden illness last year and died shortly after.

Bert & Bie were a very close couple and were very doting Parents to their 5 children - now all adults and having their own respective families. A month after Bie died in Manila, Bert had to accompany his Daughter back "home" to Australia where she had relocated - and now reside with her very own family. In the environment new to him, Bert circulated around and gained new friends. Moreover, Bert was kept busy filling up the empty pages of a Diary Book which his Daughter gave him. Not fond of writing, he was surprised with himself when he found himself writing down spontaneously every early morning the happy memories of "Bert & Bie's Coupleness". In doing so, he found himself laughing by himself.

Moving on with Life-as-Single, keeping himself busy as before, writing down happy memories, getting to meet new friends do make Bert's daily life joyful and fulfilled.

Answer 10

It might help you to help other people. Volunteer at your local hospital, church groups, foster a child, or volunteer at a shelter for children or animals. Adopt an animal. Enjoy the hobbies you haven't had time for. Visit historic sites, take tours with groups and meet new people. Read and write letters to soldiers overseas. Visit the Veterans's hospitals and take them home-made goodies or even store-bought candies and cookies. There are lots of people who need you and you may find pleasure to great joy - in being needed.