Should I stay or Should I leave her?

Question

I posted a question last week asking if my marriage could be saved. Well since then I found out my wife had an affair (her second in 6 years) and I am devastated. After the first one we came to an agreement on ways to fix our marriage, but unfortunately neither one of us acted on them. So now we're back to square one. We have 2 beautiful children and I truly love this woman, but am I fooling myself by trying to make it work again? Do you think counseling and really making an effort can work this time or is she bound to continue this behavior when things aren't going well? Please advise.

Answer 1

her second affair? Obviously she is not being emotionally fulfilled..... maybe you guys are just not well suited anymore...I would let it go...the last thing your kids need is to grow up in a situation like that

Answer 2

Counseling could actually help you out, but I have to tell you a second affair in a marriage, much less in 6 years, isn't too promising. Don't take it personally, because frankly there is no excuse to cheat.

If she is willing to work on things and you are as well, by all means give counseling a go and work on your marriage. Whether she is bound to change or not will become evident... it depends on why she's having the affair. If she's doing it for thrills because she knows she can get away with it, then I'd say it's time to let her go.

Good luck.

Answer 3

What is the "she's not being emotionally fuilfilled" tripe?

If a man tried to use that bull, he'd be called a dog and worse.
A woman cheats and she's not emotionally fulfilled. What a load!

If she's already done this a second time, she isn't going to stop and she's going to justify it each and everytime no matter how good a husband and provider you have become. But just wait until the divorce hits. She'll likely go for the throat. Consult a reputable man-friendly family lawyer.. Don't let your wife have any idea of what you are doing. Tell no one else. Follow the instructions of your lawyer and protect yourself and your relationship with your children. Don't stay in a relationship with someone who is going to abuse you and definitely don't listen to people who try to convince you it's your fault she cheated by using the excuse that your wife is "emotionally unfulfilled".

Something else you don't need to listen to is people telling you that it's your fault because you are at work and somehow you need to be home more. If you're working loads of overtime, sure, cut it back, but if you are doing your 40 hour week with no OT or only occasional, then the "you should be home more" is just another tactic to make you feel guilty. Its not fair to expect you to make money and be home all the time. It's a sham argument!

Answer 4

Certainly marriages have survived infidelity and some have even become stronger, but it takes a lot of hard work and commitment and your wife doesn't seem willing to put in the effort. One of my best friends just went through that situation with her husband. He had multiple affairs during their marriage, which she discovered a year ago. Since then, they've been in marriage counseling and individual counseling. Unfortunately, while he talked the talked, he wasn't willing to walk the walk. They are getting divorced now.

Answer 5

what exactly was she looking for when she had BOTH affairs? She loved you once, maybe you just stopped loving HER the way you did BEFORE you were married....I know situations change and after the kids, the marriage is different and most times the adults find themselves going their separate ways IN the marriage.... if you work long hours and leave the wife alone with the kids MOST of the time, I can see where maybe she might wander a bit into someone else's arms who are MORE AVAILABLE then you might be.....If you truly LOVE this woman SIT DOWN with her and TALK---not yell---find out what she needs to be happy WITH you again....then DO it....if she tells you she needs you HOME more---FIND SOME WAY TO DO IT.... so you sacrifice a little money---SO WHAT....you gotta figure your wife and kids should be your TOP priority and although working long hours provides more THINGS for them---the one THING they need that they AREN'T GETTING is YOU!!!!

Answer 6

You have a tough situation. First of all, remember, love is selfish, so that's why we get jealous. Second, maybe she was too young and she feels she needs adventure. Third, perhaps you are too much like a "puppy" with her. Usually, it is said that there must be a balance in love, and that the one that loves the most will hurt the greatest. My advise: be strong, leave. You must come to terms with yourself if you're not happy now you never will be and it can get worst. The children will survive if you love them. But, above all, you must love yourself, otherwise, you will never get it together. And don't worry about loneliness, you can always find another.

Answer 7

Find yourself a real s*x hungry girlfriend and have some fun and then go to counselling, she wont know the hurt you have felt till she feels it herself. Plus two times in 6 years, she sounds like she cant control herself and she is attracted to other men to the point where she will cheat on you.
Either have a girlfriend on th side, or move out. Counselling will only prevent it from happening, it wont stop it. I couldnt trust her after once, but twice deserves female circumcision!

Answer 8

I would certainly consider counseling if she will. Counseling can be very beneficial to you in dealing with the hurt of infidelity, to her in helping her understand why she does this, and you both as a couple to help repair and save your marriage. If she won't pursue counseling, then I would sue for divorce. You don't deserve to be treated this way. Good luck!

Answer 9

SECOND TIME?!
Honestly, you should be seriously entertaining thoughts of raising the kids apart but under your custody. You do not want the kids be exposed on the same environment.

But you should open this with her without any thought of reconciling...Try discussing matters regarding visitation rights. From the looks of it, it is only you who are concerned and responsible about your family's welfare. I am married myself with two daughters and i can just feel your problem not that we have the same problem with our spouse but its serious...

Key here is try to discuss it amicably. It maybe tough but its tougher to stay maintaining her ways.

Answer 10

Two times, is too many!
I think that when the things get to this point is better each one go on separate ways.
Be safe then sorry. It will happen again every time she feels unhappy or alone...
So, Let her go!
Most the time bad things come into your life for good. One day you'll find it out.
So, find yourself a new love too.

Answer 11

Let her leave...2 affairs in 6 years?! I wouldn't put up with that crap. She'll never change. She apparently didn't learn her lesson from the 1st affair. You gave her another chance and she blew it!
Oh, and file for custody of the kids...she's TOO unstable!
Best wishes.