I posted a question last week asking if my marriage could be saved. Well since then I found out my wife had an affair (her second in 6 years) and I am devastated. After the first one we came to an agreement on ways to fix our marriage, but unfortunately neither one of us acted on them. So now we're back to square one. We have 2 beautiful children and I truly love this woman, but am I fooling myself by trying to make it work again? Do you think counseling and really making an effort can work this time or is she bound to continue this behavior when things aren't going well? Please advise.
2007-07-01 17:26:24 · 11 answers · asked by almost_pa 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Never rush into a marriage and never rush into a divorce either. Counseling can NEVER hurt! But two affairs in six years is not a great sign of things to come.
And if you BOTH didn't stick with what you agreed upon, then I'd say you need to work on that. GOOD LUCK!! :)
2007-07-01 17:35:01 · answer #1 · answered by â?¥â?ªâ?«Karenâ?«â?ªâ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a mental health professional with 20+ years experience, now retired, I can tell you that you can expect that your wife will continue to have extra-marital affairs when the occasion pleases her and is relatively safe from being caught. I find counseling a very doubtful curative process in such cases, and I speak from decades of clinical experience. As a Christian, I have to remind you of your vows "for better or worse", and nobody ever said how bad "worse" can get, or in which way. Also as a Christian, I have to wonder if Jesus didn't make provisions for divorce under situations of sexual infidelity. And finally, as a man, pure an simple, if I was married to a woman who was having affairs, I'd "dump the bittch", plain and simple. I'm sorry I can't be more "informative" or beneficial, but I am aware of all the various ways you have to and will look at the situation, including the detrimental impact it is having and will continue to have on your daughters. I'll pray for your resolution. Truly, God Bless you. - and your daughters, and your wife as well. I know it's tough all the way around. God Bless you.
2007-07-01 17:35:40 · answer #2 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, counseling will help, whether you stay or not. If you both do not try, then it is useless. Both have to be a part of the healing for it to happen. You must exhaust all your resources before giving up. If you feel that you have, then the only thing to do is to end a toxic relationship. But, for the sake of your children, try all your resources before calling it quits. But, also, a toxic relationship that is not being healed can be toxic to your kids also. I suggest counseling "family counseling" because it probably already has affected your children, probably more than you know. Even if your wife doesn't want to go or work on this relationship, get counseling for you and your kids so you can cope with what is happening or with future problems concerning your split up with your wife.
2007-07-01 17:32:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
people can change if they chose to change. If you love this woman then i would say yes make the effort. unfortunaley most cheaters don't but give it a try do what you think is best for kids sake it's not easy growing up between parents then the fact that you both have others in your lives means that the kids have to adjust to the new people in you'll lives
i wish u the best
2007-07-01 17:37:36 · answer #4 · answered by lovein life 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find a counselor and go, even if you have to go by yourself. You have to try everything you can to save the marriage, because you have children. If you have done all the work you can do and it is not better then you can walk away.
You guys did not follow through with your plans for "fixing" things before and now you are back in the same spot. GO TO COUNSELING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-07-01 17:30:59 · answer #5 · answered by mbpowell1 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Normally I'm all for trying to save the marriage.
If you have sincerly tried, and she is UNWILLING to remain faithful then you owe it to your children to move on. yep there hurting, but chances are they already know what's going down. Be honest and let them know you love them unconditionally, and THEY are NOT THE reason your leaving mommy.
It sounds like she is trying to cuckold you now. If you accept it. then this sends a negative message to your children. very negative. but it's your call
God Bless I hope it all works out in the end.
One suggestion though.
Did you attend marrital counciling? and would she read Women Power Book?
just a though/
2007-07-01 17:32:58 · answer #6 · answered by Sully 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
people can change if they chose to change. If you love this woman then i would say yes make the effort. Counseling is a great tool, but both partners have to be willing to try to work things out. All you can do is ask her.
2007-07-01 17:31:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you are both prepared to go to counseling and follow through on changes and show each other respect then give it a shot. If you don't than you will never forgive yourself.
You actually answered your own question, you truly love her and you have 2 children.
You have to try for all of you but mostly for your heart.
Good luck!
2007-07-01 17:31:30 · answer #8 · answered by New England Babe 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I hate to say it but it sounds like this woman is nothing more than a pure blooded cheater and you deserve better than that. I think she will continue to hurt you.
2007-07-05 16:13:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
to bad for you and the kids. looks like its time to move on. she will play you all the way let her go.
2007-07-01 17:31:18 · answer #10 · answered by freeman3905@sbcglobal.net 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋