It's my fault for my parents divorce, my dad even said so :[ i feel horrible, ive been crying all day?

Question

Okay well my parents never get along, well sometimes but sometimes no. Well this morning my mom was cleaning our office room, she yelled at me for not cleaning this shelf that was really messy, MY STUPID SELF ROLLED MY EYES AND WENT BACK ON THE COMPUTER My dad came in and yelled at me and my mom. My dad pushed my mom and scratched her. My mom called the police. And now my dad blammed me. Ive been crying all day because my mom told me she has to sleep at a hotel today(im crying even writing that my mom is gonna sleep at a hotel.. sorry:( WOW i just want to kill myself right now!!! I really want my mom tho, i love her so much I wanna stay with her not my dad!

And now my mom is prob at the hotel. I mean I love my dad but at times i hate him. Im 12 also.

I love my mom she even said call me whenever you want if you need anything to.

I keep crying every 5 minutes! And whenever i think about my mom or hear her voice in her message on the fone :( I jus start crying!!

Answer 1

You should give your mom a call. She's probably worrying about you too. Things will be calmer in the morning, but call her tonight and tell her how your feeling.
It sounds like there is problems between the two of them, and you're not the cause of a break-up.
They both love you, their just having problems right now. It's not your fault.
Wish I could give you a hug :)

Answer 2

Wow , that sucks, you need to understand that your parents are having a rough time of it right now. Remember first off though that its not your fault. Your best bet it to keep your nose clean and stay out of the way as much as possible and not agrivate the situation.

What does that mean, that means cleaning up around the house a little bit, keeping your messes to a minimum. It sucks because you have to "grow-up" a little faster or sooner than you might have otherwise had to otherwise, but it will keep things from ACTUALLY being your fault, which is VERY LIKELY NOT the case.

Unless you're actively plotting and scheming for them to get divorced , then no you're not responsible, they are two grown adults and this is a BIG mess, you just happen to be at very close range.

There are some definite things you can do.

1. Keep out of the way, if it looks like your mom and dad are going to go a couple of rounds, make yourself scarce. It's their problem. It's YOUR problem because you still live under their roof(s), but it's NOT your fault. Head into your room, if you really need the computer for some schoolwork or IM or Yahoo find a library or coffeeshop or internet cafe. This is what is called "giving them some space",

2. Keep focused on school, get focused and stay focused, I threw myself into my schoolwork, and it's paid off, now many years later I have a good job and do more or less exactly what I wanted. This give you some space.

3. I got a job much earlier than I probably would have otherwise. My parents were going through their divorce when I was a year or two older and money became really tight for us, that may or may not happen to you but I found a Job was helpful in keeping busy, meeting friends and not being around the house as much, as well as earning money. If you live near a bookstore or a library or something, so much the better.

This gives you EVEN more space and IMPORTANTLY gives you access to books and learning and it's a safe environment where you can collect yourself.

This sounds like a serious rough patch that your parents are going through right now, and I won't pretend that I remember all the emotions and whatnot that I experienced, because that stuff does fade with time.

As far as staying with one parent or the other, it's very important that you understand that your parents are PISSED right now, and it's hard for them to deal with anything let alone some issues that might be important to you but might have slipped their minds.

While you may prefer one parent over another for any number of reasons, its VERY important that you try to stay neutral in so much as it's possible. If there's an abusive situation your mom verbally, psychologically or physically beating up on your dad or vice-versa, than you need to be careful to keep yourself safe all around.

Answer 3

I experienced that before! I was only a little kid my parents were aruging about my vistations when my dad told my mom that I was gonna stay with him then, she said the bathroom is dirty and the milk is spoiled. and my dad tried to strangle my mom while she was getting the phone to call the cops and my dad grabbed the phone away from her which caused the battery door to fall out later in 2006, I started tapping into my dad's current GF powers and it would take me 75 years to become a cosmic mana master P.S. U might wanna talk to someone about this crap

Answer 4

Remember 4 items -

1) Listening

2) Reasoning

3) Understanding

4) Negotiating

You could try the long-lost art of speaking with your parents concerning your thoughts and feelings.

Choose a time when both parents have absolutely nothing to do. (They can't give excuses, then)

Remember that you might need to give up some of your time for this to happen.

Also, choose an atmosphere which is conducive for discussion, such as a "neutral" room of the house, or perhaps (if the weather is nice), sitting on a blanket in the back yard.

Above all, the atmosphere must be relaxing and no interference, such as TV, other people, music, noisy locations, etc.

The simple trick of communicating is CALMLY (and I mean calmly) discussing with your parents your thoughts, dreams, and hopes. Other subjects could also be included.

Remember the word calmly. It does no good if one raises their voice and tries to control the conversation.

Another trick is listening to their side of the conversation. Don't you dominate the conversation and keep your ears open.

Remember, you asked them for their time, so give them your full attention.

Most conversation ends abruptly because of non-listening.

An item of importance; if one of your parents says something you don't agree with, don't belittle them; instead,

Negotiate and ask them what would be agreeable to them.

(This tends to work wonders - it makes them stop to think, sometimes helping them realize they just might be unreasonable. But keep in mind - they might do this to you, so have some reasonable answers ready.)

Keep the communications open and two-way (or three-way, if both parents are present.)

You'll find that listening, reasoning, understanding, and negotiating are very effective ways of communicating and eventually everybody gets what everybody wants.

It also shows your parents that you are growing up and possibly ready to handle responsibilities.

Answer 5

I`m really sorry that your parents are acting this way too you, it`s not your fault trust me . i know about this kinda stuff. my mom was abused on a daily basis by my dad and he`d make her clean the whole entire house and she`d have a time limit for all of it . he`d stand right above her watching to make sure she didn`t stop cleaning or run away or something like that and at that age i didn`t know right from wrong so i just watched in disappointment [about 7 years old at the time] and she took all of this pain for 7 years . i woke one morning [9 years old now] to hear my mom screaming and my dad yelling and cussing at her , so i walk downstairs and see my mom standing there crying with a loaded gun pointed at her head , if i wasn`t down there at that moment i know she would have been gone forever . :'[ so i`m glad i was there . after about 10 minutes she got me and my sister dressed with our little brother and left . now she`s happilly married to my step-dad who has a anger problem but only like yelling . no abusive type things & i`m happy for her. but shes scared for life and now she has anger problems and health problems herself from being put through all this and i wish i could have helped sooner but i`m glad i helped at all . :) anyways . just try and do as much as possible to make them more eased out and stuff . hope i helped :) byee

Answer 6

Honey, let this sink in. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!
You have absolutely no control over your parents' conduct. None. You're a child, and your parents are both behaving like children. To make matters worse, they're taking their dysfunction out on you! That's just shoddy! You deserve better. Do not blame yourself for their selfish and irresponsible behavior. Bless your heart, you poor kid. You can learn what NOT to do as a parent by their deplorable example.

Answer 7

I guess everyone beat me to it. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. Grownups say things that cause hurt and pain just because they can. Your dad probably said this knowing that this will hurt your mom (it's called emotional and psychological or 'mind' games).

Pay no attention to your dad. Tell him, if he was a better husband and a father maybe he wouldn't be getting a divorce.

Then, walk away.

Answer 8

When dads and moms fight, they sometimes take out their anger on each other on the children. Honey, please believe me when I tell you, that what is going on right now is not your fault. I know its scary, but don't blame yourself. Every little boy and girl that is and was going through what you are wants everything to be okay with mommy and daddy. Find someone who you can trust and talk to them. Tell them how you are feeling and what has been going on. Don't go through this by yourself.

Answer 9

ok, first off - NONE of this is your fault. Your abusive father doesn't want to take responsibility for his actions, so he is going to place the blame on anyone he can.

You rmom left to go somewhere safe - that doesn't mean she won't come back for you. She was probably told by the police it would be the best thing for them to stay apart to cool off.

When you see your mom, I want you to tell her you want the two of you to get into counseling....you both are going to needit to get through this hard time.

Answer 10

I'm sorry that your parents we're fighting. Trust me, it's not your fault. They have relationship problems that come out in different ways and directed at you sometimes. Your dad has no business telling you it's your fault cuz it's not! It's all them.