what should I do, I im in love with someone else but im married?

Question

Here is problem, I been married for about 7 months now but I have been having an affair for about 4 of those months. A little background we have been together for 10 years, we have had many problems but we also seemed to work them out. I thought that getting married would make our relationship better but it just really tanked after we said I do. My husband is a good man, but for years now our relationship has always been one sided. I got sick of it so, there was a guy at my job that I had crush on and told him that i was interseted in him and that is how it started. All I really wanted was for him to do what my husband wont do for me, and now its been 4 months and we are in love with each other. No one has ever made me feel the way that he does(physically, mentally, just everything) I am so happy when im with him. I dont know what to do, I know that I want to be with him but I dont want to lose everything in my life by leaving my husband right now

Answer 1

Maybe you should have thought about all of this before you got married. You've made a committment to someone now and you owe it to him and to yourself to give your marriage 100%. You've been with him for 10 years? How can you be so willing to throw that away for someone you've been with for 4 months. Sounds very immature and selfish to me. Be a decent person and break things off with this other man. Then maybe you can remember why you fell in love with your husband and can save your marriage. I feel very sorry for your husband. No one deserves to be treated that way.

Answer 2

It sounds to me like you made a big mistake. Your marriage should have never happened because it clearly sounds like you did it for the wrong reason. People get married because they're in love and because they want to spend the rest of their lives together and with ONLY EACHOTHER. It sounds to me like you married out of convenience, and with false hope that marriage would make your relationship stronger. Regardless of how unhappy you are with your husband CHEATING is wrong. And the guy you're messing around with has no class. A guy who has class wouldn't go fooling around with a woman who is married. What makes you think he wouldn't cheat on you or that he doesn't have someone else on the side? I mean you're married so obviously can't be with him 24/7. Maybe he has another girl on the side until you decide to take that leap and leave your husband. Did you ever stop and think that maybe you're being selfish? If you were SO HAPPY like you claim to be with your "lover", then why don't you file for divorce? Get an annulment, it's only been 7 months. People have to make sacrifices sometimes, and I don't think you know what that is. It's giving up something you'd rather keep for the sake of something else. Your husband doesn't deserve a cheating wife. You owe him honesty and some respect. I hope that this guy you're seeing on the side eventually wakes up and smells the coffee. How long do you think he's gonna stick around while the woman he is supposedly "in love" with shares a bed and roof with another man? And if he does stick it out, then he's a bigger loser than I thought. I'm sorry, but I just have no respect for people who don't respect marriage. Sounds like you wanna have your cake and eat it too. Like I said, if this other guy is TRULY the man of your dreams, then why not leave your husband? Does your lover even know that you're not willing to leave your husband for him? Or do you give him hope that one day soon you will? I bet if your boyfriend knew you didn't want to leave your husband because you feel that you'll lose everything, he wouldn't be too happy about that. Still, I guess he deserves to be dicked around lied to as well because he's screwing with a married a woman so whatever he gets he deserves.

Regardless of what anyone thinks, there is such a thing as karma, and let me tell you, she's a patient ******. So watch out.

Answer 3

Boy, aren't you the princess? Everything revolves around you and what you want, not what your selfish acts will do to others ~ after all, no one cares about them, huh?

If you and your husband are "suddenly" having so much trouble, why didn't you go to counseling and try to learn how to deal with them (even if he wouldn't)? It is apparent you didn't give 100% of yourself to your marriage ~ no wonder you became an adulteress. You opened that door to temptation and now you want your cake and eat it, too? That is SO unfair to your husband.

You took vows on your wedding day and now you have broken the trust he had in you. My heart aches for him because one day he will find out about this and will be devastated by your selfish actions.

Exodus 20:14
“You shall not commit adultery.

Mark 1:4
John came baptizing in the wilderness and preaching a baptism of repentance for the remission of sins.

Repent ~ turn away from; give up; change your ways.

Give up your lover (and any future lovers) and get some serious counseling and start devoting time to your husband. Talk with him and let him know things that are bothering you and at least give him a chance to try and make this work. You OWE him that much.

Answer 4

wow talk about dumb moves. =(

First if I understand correctly you have been married 7 months, but only faithful for 3 of those months? Any other affairs you not talking about?

Then you talk about your husband not filling your needs. How the hell can he if your not being mature and sharing those needs with him? it's only been 3 months shoot most newly weeds last at least a year.

Lady. this is gonna be one rotten deal no matter how you slice it, the best thing you could do would be to fess up, and end the relationship.

Normally I preach giving a second chance, and working through problems. but my gut tells me your to selfish for that. If your willing to cheat that quickly into your vows to love, honor, and cherish. then I'm guessing you never loved your husband, and have done nothing, but tear him down from day one. No wonder he not meeting your expetations. first you never gave him the chance, and second you probable never told him. and third you probably only though of your self, and how you feel.

There are some books listed below. you would probaly learn alot from reading them, but my guess is your too selfish to do someting that you mean you have to "give" Your a taker, and that is gonna come back to haunt you one day. =(

I really hope you seek help, and get things sorted out.

God Blessing be for your husband. I feel sorry for the Bloke, and the heart ache your gonna give him

Answer 5

ok, you know what - I'm just going to flat out say it - you are incredibly stupid.

You aren't in love, you have absolutely NO CLUE what love is...and that is incredibly apparent from your choices as of late.

You are in LUST, Like any new relationship - even his farts are cute. He can do no wrong because you haven't SEEN his bad habits or sides yet. He's the model guy because we ALL are a perfect version of ourselves in the beginning.

You have seen the good the bad and the ugly when it comes to your husband, and for 10 years you stuck by him through it all - THAT is love. He isn't perfect, and neither are you - but with work - that is how marriages work. It doesn't just come naturally or easy. When you have an issue you talk to each other -when did you decide to shut up to him and open your leg to someone else?

The right thing to do is to get rid of your man-toy, because that is all he is, a brand new toy...that you WILL get bored of by the way...and get your selfish dumb butt into marriage counseling with the man who deserves the work, the one who has put 10 years of his life into you. That is if he will forgive you for disgracing your marriage, and your relationship.

Answer 6

Sorry to tell you, but you cannot have it both ways. You could have sat down with your husband, with or without a counsellor, told him you were unhappy and needed him to do certain things for you, and given him a chance to do so. But it appears that you took the easy way out and opted to have another man satisfy you. You may not want to lose everything in your life by leaving your husband, but that is the price that you need to be prepared to pay if this other man makes you happier than your husband. The choice is yours: choose carefully.

Answer 7

If you two "had many problems" before you tied the knot why did you get married? You shouldn't have even tried. Not 3 months in and you were already cheating on your "good man"? Why?
You have only one thing you can do - confess and leave. That's it.
So you "don't want to lose everything in your life by leaving your husband" - God you are one selfish B***h. You not only want your cake and eat it too, you don't care who you hurt in the process. Just go, and tell him you're a cheating little *****, and he deserves better, because he does.

Answer 8

It sounds like you married the wrong guy, and everyone makes mistakes...now is the time to make things right and not get yourself in any deeper. How do you do that?

1) Make a decision about what you really want and put everything you've got into it. Either stay with your hubby and go to counseling and do whatever you can to make things better, or cut him loose. Just don't stay in limbo...things will only get worse for everyone.

2) Be honest with everyone, especially yourself. Burying your head in the sand and hoping things will work themselves out will only delay the inevitable outcome...that being the eventual breakdown of your marriage. There'll be too much suffering in the meantime, and a lot of permanent damage done. It's time to be honest all around and move in a positive direction.

3) I believe you didn't mean to hurt anyone, and tons of people find themselves in your same situation. Some people make a lifetime out of doing this, but this doesn't sound like you. If you continue being unhappy, you will continue to do this. Stop the cycle now by resolving things.

4) If you decide to leave your husband, take the time you need to figure out what you want and need from life and relationships and don't jump in with the other guy. Once a cheat doesn't always mean a cheat, so that's not why I'm saying. It's just that you need a clear head to make better decisions, going forward.

5) Don't beat yourself up...just do your best.

No matter how long you wait to take some sort of action, it won't ever be good timing or easy. People will get hurt. It's best if you can approach the situation now with honesty, integrity, and try to do things as above board as possible. Not only will you help resolve things for everyone, you won't regret it. But you will regret continuing to sneak around and lying.

The best thing to do from all of this is take the lessons you've learned and try to apply them to your future relationships. The only costly mistakes is not learning from the mistakes you've made. You can change if you really want to.

You know...it really surprises me, the number of people who are making negative comments about your situation. I'm not condoning what you're doing by any means, but the majority of people out there have done it, too (look up the stats on cheating, everyone...). Plus...how many people have gotten married, hoping things would improve? Buy a bigger house? Have a baby? C'mon...give me a break. Millions have made these same mistakes. No one should judge, but there are a lot of stone-casters here, which isn't going to help solve things. You've come to this resource to get help, not to have people knock you down.

There's nothing you can change about what you've done. Now, you can only try to do your best and make things better. Hopefully, some of the answers will help you figure things out. Good luck with everything.

Answer 9

Well, you obviously can't have it both ways. Looks like you have already made your choice. Fooling around and falling in love for four of the seven months you have been married is evidence enough that your marriage is essentially toast.

Tell your husband that you want and need a divorce. It's over. Let him get on with his life while you get on with yours.

Couple of predictions: 1) your lover will dump you within a year because the thrill of it all will have worn off, and 2) your husband will be relieved since he was about to break it off with you anyway.

Answer 10

Well you need to leave your husband you have broken the oath you made in front of God.
But do not be surprised that a few years down the road your new man will not trust you since you were cheating before. And he has every right too once a cheater nine times out of ten always a cheater.