Do I let her go or work out my marriage?

Question

My wife wants a divorce. I am a jokester and she is serious. she wants me to change and/or not joke with her. Its hard. we have a < 1yr old baby. i try to be serious but i am a happy person, it's hard to be serious all the time. she doesn't understand that is how I am. I don't want to lose my baby. she'll move to another city with her family if she leaves. i Love her and my child alot. We are always arguing for minor things or at least I feel like she does most of the arguing. She is very good to me as I am to her. I work 80 hours a week and she is a stay home mom. I need some good advice, help.

Answer 1

Marriage counseling. That's your best bet. Sounds like a cheap answer, I know, but your problems are too serious for Y!A. You'd be foolish to try to work this out through the advice of strangers. Make an appointment with a counselor. Ask your wife to go. If she won't go, then go yourself. Show her you're serious, and maybe it will work out. If not, then you'll at least know! Good luck!

Answer 2

I'm guessing that right now is a stressful time for your wife -- new baby, alone most of the time, family in another city. Perhaps she needs more support from you. Ask her how she's feeling and LISTEN -- don't dismiss her with a cheap joke.

I think if you're willing to work on your marriage, it will get better. However, you must stop thinking "she's trying to change me -- this is just how I am." The question is who has to change or who is at fault, but how you can compromise. Maybe when you come home, you can dedicate a "serious" hour with your wife, just talking. If she's spent all day with a baby, she's probably dying for some adult conversation! After that, maybe things can relax and you can joke around.

A baby is a big adjustment for a new mother! If you try to put yourself in her shoes, I think it will help. Good luck.

Answer 3

Work out your marriage. Remember, it's not just a you and I thing anymore, it's us. For the most part, compromise is a big part of marriage, but you should remember that it goes both ways. You can tell your wife that you are willing to try and not be too much of a jokester if she would be willing to let small things slide a little more often. I don't think it would be that hard to come to a sort of agreement, specially since form what you have written, you seem to fulfill your duties as a husband and father just fine. Finally, seek the help of God. If you want your wife to see you as a serious man, there's no better way to do it than to admit your weakness and consult a Higher Power. I hope I was of help.

Answer 4

You both have to compromise. She should be less serious and you could tone down the joking around. Us guys always feel like the woman does most of the arguing, or at least the starting of the arguments. Honestly that's not incorrect. She doesn't see that you're working a lot of hours to support your family, she sees it as you're not spending time with her and being supportive of her emotional needs.

Women will never say what they mean and rarely mean what they say the exact way they've said it. The sooner you learn that, the better off you'll be. I'm not saying you should completely deffer to her, but expect her to be round-about and not exactly truthful whenever she talks about the two of you.

Regardless, if you're doing all you can and it's still not enough for her, make sure you consider your possible single future. Hire an attorney (borrow money if you have to, it's worth it) and make sure your relationship with your son stays intact at all costs. The boy needs both of you, true, but she can't teach him how to be a man. Only you can do that.

Good luck to you and your son.

Answer 5

Work out your marriage. It's ok that you joke around and she is serious. You work on maybe not working as many hours. Staying at home is hard and women start to feel like they have no life outside the house. I just recently started staying at home and it is easy to start feeling like arguing over dumb things. Maybe try having a date night once a week so it gives you 2 time alone which is so important. Be sure to call home a couple times a day to check in to see how shes doing and offer to pick anything up on the way home. See if this helps and go from there. You 2 have something beautiful to share..your baby, it's worth it, stay together! Good luck.

Answer 6

I would consider seeking professional help, your wife might be overwhelmed, raising a baby is hard and exhausting, and if you are working 80 hours a week to her she probably feels like she is doing it all alone. The problem might not be with the fact that you are a jokester but more with the fact that she is jealous that you are able to be happy, and she is feeling lost, depressed and maybe a little trapped. Try talking to her and seeing if she'd agree to counseling, she might also be suffering from the "baby blues" Good luck and don't give up.

Answer 7

I'm sure she married you for that so you should bring that to the table. I mean, didn't she know you before you got married? were you different then than you are now? what changed then?

Being serious and being a happy person are not opposites. You can be both. Try to be sensible as regards joking time and try to sense when she wants you to take things seriously. I know it's hard but if you want your marriage to work you're gonna have to find a middle ground. And this is it. Because she is asking you to change and you'll be negociating that. To me it's unfair to ask someone to change to fit their whims, but you have to work it out. And you need to talk a lot. Talk talk talk.
Tell her everything you said here, open up and show yourself as a vulnerable person. Tell her everything you think. Try not to joke in the middle of the conversation because it will not be credible. I'm sure you can both work this out together. Ask her to help you so you can both be happy.

I hope everything works out for the best.

Answer 8

She's home all day with a one year old child and probably not around many adults. You're gone 80+ hours a week and probably can't be of much help. Life is serious for her right now. She's probably feeling a little overwhelmed and depressed. Give her as much support as you can, and seek couples counseling and try to work it out. It sounds like you love your wife and baby. Hopefully you can work this out.

Answer 9

Since you married her for love, and you both would have known each other's personalities before marriage, then you should not just quit because things get hard every now and then.

One aspect of mariage is that you have fight for everything you want and hold dear, not just choose the simple way out (divorce) when things get bad.

Since you say you prefer more jokes in your every day life whereas your wife doesn't, it should not be anything too hard to reconcile your differences. She obviously thinks of you as not caring about anything in the world, so try showing her a few things that you are passionate about - the things others do (politicians, celebrities, et cetera) that get on your nerves.

Answer 10

Years ago I had this problem.. only I was the wife...
Joking is ok to a point, and I know they just slip out sometimes... cause u think they are funny..
But, if the shoe was on the other foot.. you may not laugh so hard...
this joking comes from immaturity.. and not being able to control it...
If you love her and the baby.. U will go get help from a counselor.. even if it means cutting ur hours or loosing ur job... what is the most important to you... YOUR CHOICE?