I don't have anything to say around people? help!?

Question

I'm shy.

I go to a small church (around 50 people) and there are a lot of people there, of all ages but I don't seem to want to talk to anyone. Nothing beyond the canned reply to "how are you."

When I go to my college classes, I don't say much beyond what's required. All I do is answer simple but common questions "Do you know what time it is." and that's pretty much my social life. Hence I have no friends.

Now I started this question by stating that I was shy, but I'm beginning to wonder if it's more than that. I can summon the courage to say something, if i had anything interesting to say. But I got nothing.

This isn't how I want to be. I'd like to make some friendships. When I see people hanging out together, I can't help but envy them, hoping to one day be able to speak and "open up." But alas, I can't.

Answer 1

.....A good first step is simply to express an interest in other people. Just listen to what they say, smile and ask a question about them. You'll find conversation will take off from there. I'm positive you'll find out things that will surprise you...you never know what people are up to!

The next step is to share similar safe self-disclosures about yourself. But one step at a time!...

Answer 2

I cant either
Talking to people is hard
I've even come to believe a line in an FOB song "Talking's just a waste of breathe"

I envy people too when i see them chatting and hanging out together.

Maybe you shouldn't feel pressured to start a conversation, why not try joining an already on going conversation, maybe during the course of it, you'll say to yourself, "hey, i have an opinion on this" and then you can contribute to the conversation and you'll discover that you actually do have something to say

Im sure there are some things that interest you, like music, TV shows, maybe you could work these into the convo, food maybe, movies, upcoming events...

"Opening up" is hard, but dude, baby steps!

Also maybe its the people, i cant talk to people in my church either, i just feel we have nothing in common, but im studying abroad, and when i hang out with other foreign students we talk about some cool stuff....

Hang in there dude, you'll soon find the right thing to talk about with the right people

I hope i was of some help, and i wish i could help some more

You can message me if you want to chat some more

:)

Answer 3

You need to start talking!!! I know overcoming fears can be harsh but in the end, it's worth it. It also takes time, you can't just change things around in a day. It will take a long time but you'll see the changes as you progress. So from tomorrow, you should smile and say hi, how are you doing? to everyone you see. In classes, you should talk about the class itself with your peers. Start talking about simple subjects that surrounds you at that moment. After a while, you will adapt to it. You will overcome your shyness and live life happily...

Don't be shy because when you're shy, you miss out on lot of things!!!!!!!!!!! One life, so enjoy it!!!

Answer 4

I think saying hello and listening is a good start. I am sure you have some good insights into many topics. Find out what interests people, look into those topics, and you will develop things to talk about. My friends, even my friends!, sometimes did not talk to me preferring to talk sports with other people. Hardly anyone has interests like mine. I have broken down and began to show an interest in sports. Having children and a wife helps because now I see movies and even though they aren't the ones my older friends have seen, I can discuss them with other people that have children. You can do it, too.

Answer 5

If you don't feel you have anything interesting to say - get with what they are saying and talk about that - contribute to their conversation and forget about your own. I do this a lot because I would rather hear what other people are saying than listen to myself talk. I have a lot of friends - people love someone who is interested in them...

If you are at a loss on how to start up a conversation, point out something they are wearing and ask a question about that. i.e. where did you get those shoes, sunglasses, purse, etc. and then just keep asking questions about that until they tell you their whole life story... its kind of fun actually

Answer 6

poloniuss,
you are coming here and talking so you are obviously capable to talk. I bet there are more people like you than you realize. Yet you came out here and spoke and that takes guts. You underestimate yourself. Now the next step is to speak your mind when you are with people face to face.

To make yourself more interesting, take up hobbies, take interest in specific subjects, travel and see new places and basically do what makes you happy. Remember you have to be happy to make other people happy so do things that make you happy. When other people share your interests, it will make it easier to make conversation.

I think if you have specific goals in your mind, you will not be concerned with trivial things so set goals for yourself and do not let anything even your shyness get in the way of achieving them.

Finally I would like to say that the cure of a disease is facing it, so if you are shy, increase your public exposure (not reduce it). Shy people will tend to avoid situations because they would rather not face it. Do the opposite of your natural tendency and you will find that you are programming yourself to a new attitude.

Answer 7

You need to join a club or group that shares your interests, or maybe pick up a new hobby. When you love computers and join a computer club, you'll always have stuff to talk about with people like you. Those friendships can then spill into other areas of life.

Answer 8

There is something good in everyone of us. So I know that their is something about yourself that others will like. Do they have any friendship classes at your church? or any church outings? If not find a fun class to join and do your best to meet new people. When you share yourself with people they will start to open up to you too.

Answer 9

if someone asks "how are you?" don't just reply with a simple "fine." you can reply with how your day has been, what you did, how you enjoyed the church service, ect. And there you go, a great conersation starter. :)

Answer 10

happens to me too. fake it till you make it. just smile and shoot the breeze...weather is always a good start. when you dont know someone well, ask about them and look interested. most people are more comfortable talking about themselves:job,family,hobbies,car