i have a boyfriend problem am i doing the right thing?

Question

me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 9 months. && he is drinking and doing drugs. hes not an addict but he is doing weed and drinking occasonally. i pretend not to care but inside i care alot what should i do??

Answer 1

Take it from someone who married that boyfriend - run ! You cannot stop him. He has to want to stop on his own. You will never have a healthy or secure future with someone with such habits. And there is always the chance of you being with him when his luck runs out and you will go down with him or worse. Please be smart !

Answer 2

People can give you a lot of advice or make suggestions, but ultimately the decision is yours. I have pretty strong feelings about what I think you should do. Even though it would be quicker and easier, I'm not going to tell you which decision you should make. Instead, I want to offer some things for you to think about and idea for arriving at a decision that you can live with.

First of all, you do not know if he is addicted or not. Addicts can be good at hiding their addictions from the people around them. In fact, many of them do not even realize that they have an addiction themselves. Evaluation on whether an addiction exists cannot be solely based on observation of quantity or frequency.

You are also not being fair to your bf or yourself by keeping it inside of you. When you tell him that it doesn't bother you, you are lying. In the long run, it will catch up with you. It may seem like a little thing now, but in time you may think differently. It's not uncommon for people in the same situation to begin feeling resentment for themselves or for their partner when they are not open and honest about how they really feel.

Open communication is the key to healthy relationships. You are better off telling him how you truly feel and discussing it with him. If you cannot discuss something like this with him, chances are your relationship will suffer in other ways in the future.

I dated a man who drank and occasionally used marijuana. The drinking didn't bother me, but the drug use did. From the beginning I told him how I felt about it, but I did not tell him that he had to stop. He respected my feelings about it and promised not to use when he was around me. I wasn't thrilled about that because I still worried, and I told him so. I acknowledged that ultimately it was his decision and that if it continued to bother me I would have to make my own choices about our relationship.

We left the conversation there, and he never once used in front of me, even when his friends pushed him to. During the year that we dated, he told me about the times when he had the opportunity to use and didn't as well as the time that he did. I didn't get angry, but I did tell him that I was disappointed. He told me he knew that I would be, but he felt the need to be honest with me anyway.

I had been a little nervous about telling him how I felt in the beginning because I really liked him a lot. In the end, it strengthened our relationship and we respected each other for the open and honest communication.

Your discussion may not solve anything, and it might not go the way you hope it will. I realize that a thousand people could have the same conversation and have a thousand different results. I know that I was fortunate in my situation. There have been other times in my life when I was forced to choose. The bottom line is, you can only change yourself and the way you react to other people. You cannot make him change or give him ultimatums. It has to be his decision, and he needs to make that decision for himself, not just for you. If he doesn't, it won't last.

You need to think things through before you start a conversation about it. Decide what is acceptable and what is not before the conversation clouds your true feelings. You don't have to share these decisions during the conversation, but it will be easier for you to make your final decision if you've thought about this beforehand. If you don't, you run the risk of giving in just to stay with him or keep him happy. What I would do first is ask yourself some questions. How strong are your feelings about his use of substances? How do you really feel about him? Do you see an opening for compromise? What will you do when you discuss it and he chooses to use anyway? Are you willing to risk the chance that he will end the relationship over the issue?

I'll leave you with one more thought. If he really cares for you, and you tell him how strongly you feel, he will work with you to find a solution you can both live with. If he's not willing to listen to you at all, chances are that your relationship will not survive in the long run (at least not a healthy relationship). If you can't come to a consensus, you will have a difficult choice to make for yourself. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel happy and comfortable. For that to happen, you have to be able to be honest with yourself and your partner.

Answer 3

Hi. You should probably talk to him about it. If he is doing drugs, whether he is addicted or not, it never turns out good. Drugs just lead to problems. Just try to talk to him about it. Tell him how you feel about the drinking and drugs.

Answer 4

theres not much you can do. if he wants to quit, then he has make the first move, but i will tell you 1 thing, if hes doing drugs, then it will get worse.why dont you ask a person who deals in this sort of thing, maybe they would have the answers your looking for.if he refuses to quit, then say to him, its either the drugs and drinking or me. maybe that will get him moving to quit.

Answer 5

Try to get rid of this guy, i know how hard this could be for you but you're in time, even if you think you are in love, this guy can make you very UNHAPPY, believe me the best thing you can do is get away.

Answer 6

Dump him.

You don't need an alcoholic druggie for a boyfriend.