sara at sunrise
Sitting in a chair on the roof all night,
Sun peaking over the horizon, just right.
Sara Brightmans voice pierces the air,
It's totally perfect, I haven't got a care.
Watching the sun come up feels so nice,
Even with no sleep, screwdriver on ice.
The sky is perfect, shades of orange and blue,
Like God is painting a portrait of you..
I wander down and silently go inside,
Smiling as I watch you sleep with pride.
Beautiful lying there on the bed,
Sun is shining orange and red.
This the perfect morning of my life,
No signs of trouble or even strife.
Just a quiet beautiful day ahead,
The sky outside, a perfect shade of red
Just one day from one mans troubled life.
2007-07-01 10:47:50 · 7 answers · asked by The Dark Prince 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
That was incredible. I wanted to see if you could do it, and you proved me right, you absolutely can! You are very talented. For a writer to write in a different style than they are used to is a very difficult challenge and you succeeded! Bravo!
2007-07-01 11:55:43 · answer #1 · answered by Heather B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Problem emanates from "Watching the sun come up feels so nice"
You (speaker) are looking outside too much! what's the whole issue, "Sitting in a chair on the roof all night" as Elaine P already wondered above! What's up with this sky-watching obsession outside, "The sky is perfect, shades of orange and blue"?
Get your a.s.s. inside the house baby. and perceive the real beauty.
Yes, "I wander down and silently go inside"
Yes, How do you feel now?
"Smiling as I watch you sleep with pride."
Yes, I told you, you were wasting time looking at the beauty of the sky while Sara was all alone reposing here inside!
Indeed, you've got to set your priorities right. Here she is,
"Beautiful lying there on the bed"
only comparable to the perfect sky outside "Like God is painting a portrait of you."
If you look inside, it will be a perfect fresh start, "the perfect morning of my life."
Don't you get into this habit of external viewing. That'd be sign of more trouble but now as you know, all is peaceful, "No signs of trouble or even strife". Forget about crazy stuff of yesternight that drove you nuts!
Yes, learn to appreciate what's inside for its beauty and freshness is equally natural, just like, "The sky outside, a perfect shade of red."
Let the image not replace the real thing. Should you focus too much on the metaphor, you'll not escape the despondent feeling of "one mans troubled life." You are not alone. Forget the woes of the past and step right back into the humdrum of life!!
Good lesson for sulking insomniacs
2007-07-01 22:39:23 · answer #2 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is very beautiful, and calming to read. And inspiring, gee.. in that there still is some talent, some good old -fashioned rhyming and rythmetic poems left here in the modern twist poetry has taken.
Sometiems your rhythm is off, but nothing a few tweaks here or there couldn't help. :)
Anyhow, a great writ!
Keep writing!!
2007-07-01 17:54:59 · answer #3 · answered by grace 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely wonderful!!! The sunrise, the music I adore Sarah Brightman, big fan of hers, everything is just breathtaking.
Your angel of San Juan
Marilyn
2007-07-01 18:08:43 · answer #4 · answered by . 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Actually, I have a question for YOU. With such a beautiful woman in your bed, what are you doing spending the night sitting on the roof?????
2007-07-01 17:54:12 · answer #5 · answered by Elaine P...is for Poetry 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
that was a nice poem as all that you write i hope you get to feel that nice sometimes as you probaly do/ It sounds real beautiful... Nice job,again. Shelly
2007-07-01 21:47:29 · answer #6 · answered by Cami lives 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like "Like God is painting a portrait of you."
Other than that, it's common place. Lacks imagery.
Clearly u r capable of more than this.
Let's see more.
2007-07-01 17:58:35 · answer #7 · answered by margot 5 · 0⤊ 4⤋