How do you tell your spouse that your relationship needs professional help?? I'm so scared to mention it to my husband. I've told him before and every time he just agrees then "forgets" about it cuz he assumes that everything is all fine because we hadn't had any fights in a while..but we really really need counseling. We never talk, never have s*x, never do anything really. It's crazy, it's almost like I married a room mate , not a husband to love and have fun with til death do us part. I don't even know if I have feelings for him anymore because I've put up so many walls to keep myself from getting hurt. I want to be in love again, but don't know if it's possible...I'm just rambling now, sorry..back to the question...so how DO i tell him that?
2007-07-01 10:21:45 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he does not want to go you can't force him, but you can still go by yourself and maybe the counselor might have some suggestions to get him to come. Don't give up. The only person you can change is yourself. If you try to change him it will only cause more distance. Do what is right for yourself and he will see the difference and maybe he'll come around.
God bless you and best wishes!
2007-07-02 06:11:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My question is...why are you "afraid" to tell him. He must feel that your the one who has the problem so why should he go. No, he didn't "forget". He doesn't want to go. My ex was the same way. He refused to go because he said it was me who obviously had the problem so I'm the one who needed help. His unwillingness to acknowledge his part in the problem forced me to make a life changing decision. You know something, it turned out that leaving him was the best decision I ever made. If someone doesn't want to go to counseling you can't force them. You then need to decide what YOU are willing to do about the problem. You said you put up walls to keep from getting hurt. Is that part of his view of what is wrong? You have to be willing to accept that some of the problems are your own fault.
2007-07-01 10:32:26 · answer #2 · answered by extremepms 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should consider going to counseling or therapy by yourself first, because you sound confused.
I can't tell if you still love your husband or not; or if you really want your marriage to work out. Your post states you are unhappy and stressed; but it takes two to tango...
Sounds to me like this has been going on for quite a while now, and you are reaching the limit.....Go and look for help so you can sort out your feelings and THEN ask him to go to counseling with you.
You have to have a clear mind so you can consider options and make decisions- and right now you seem lost.
Good luck.
2007-07-01 10:30:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The same way you did us. Marriage counseling isnt for everyone and wont always solve everything either. You both must want the same result and able to enter counseling with an open heart and mind and willing to do whatever it takes to reach your result. Good luck
2007-07-01 10:31:13 · answer #4 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
mention it to him again today. Then call a counselor and make an appointment for a time you KNOW he's available. The day before the appointment, say "Oh, I made that appointment with the marriage counselor. It's tomorrow at seven".....
If he argues, you tell him he agreed with you that you needed it. He isn't going to take the initiative, so you have to.
If he refuses to go, then YOU go, and figure out what to do next.
2007-07-01 10:29:00 · answer #5 · answered by lady_phoenix39 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Here's what I did (BTW, was in the exact same situation as you): I contacted a marriage counselor first. I told her I didn't think my husband was receptive to the idea. She asked me if I was willing to be the "punching bag" in the first few sessions just to get him in there. Meaning, I told my husband I was having anxiety issues about our marriage and I thought it was disruptive. I wanted him to learn "coping skills" to deal with me. I know it seems like I had to take the "blame" right off the bat, but it did work like a charm to get him to go. After the first two sessions he started to realize HE was part of the problem, too - not just me. We both started to take ownership of our issues and problems.
2007-07-01 10:53:06 · answer #6 · answered by lalala 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes courage, but just step up and say it. Be prepared to deal with what may be his reaction and do not be afraid. The idea of having an appointment already made is a good one.
2007-07-01 10:31:59 · answer #7 · answered by Bob T 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely go to marriage counseling. Bring it up to him againand schedule the appointment. Even write the check out and send it in, in advance. Write it out for two weeks worth. Tell him if he don't go, he just wasted alot of money. He'll get tired of spending money for nothing and end up going. Good luck to y'all.
2007-07-01 11:52:07 · answer #8 · answered by Bobby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him.
Call the therapist and make the appointment.
Commit to it and the both of you go.
Being afraid will make you put this off time and time again.
Don't get caught in that cycle.
2007-07-01 10:33:44 · answer #9 · answered by frankfortave1832 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋