Why is my husband the most assanine, stubborn person in the whole world?

Question

Everything I ever try to suggest to him, he has to disagree & say the opposite. Is it just his ego that makes him think i'm wrong all the time? Because a woman can't be smarter than a man? What is it? I just don't know. If I say the sky is blue, he says it's orange. I just don't get this stubborn a$$!!!!!!!! Please explain to me if you know....

We've been married for almost 6 years. We are in our late twenties still. He honestly seemed like he changed the day we signed the papers. I just think he feels that I can never be right about everything. I admit it when I'm wrong, I really do, but he can never be wrong, ever.

And I am the fixer in our house. I do everything from building a wall to split up our family room to make an extra bedroom, to laundry, bathing our kids, house cleaning, mowing the grass, watering the grass, all yard work, for that matter!! I do everything, he goes to work, comes home, eats & sleeps. What kind of raw deal do I have? & I'm dead serious about what he does, nothing besides argue with me about pointless ****!!!!

Answer 1

Please let us know why you have chosen him to be your husband?

Answer 2

Ballagirl, I had hoped my ex was the only one. Apparently there are two.

First. You are dealing with a learning disability and that is why he cannot converse with you as an adult, on an adult level, appropriately. I believe it is a form of Aspergers.

As these undiagnosed men age, the gap between appropriate behaviors grows. They are passed over for promotions, have difficulties interacting with their peers, and become isolated.

He argues with you so that he can have a sense of superiority. He cannot get it any other way. (It's kind of 12 year old banter with a na na na I'm smarter than you at the end type conversation...)

He is also going to struggle as adult responsibilities increase. Therefore, you do it all. He simply cannot come to grips with the fact that mowing the lawn is his responsibility.
(I always had the kid next door mow the lawn. I do not like to do it. ) Add maintaining the cars, handling the finances, and whatever else comes down the pike.

He can blame you for everything, because you are handling....ummm, everything.

I couldn't take it anymore after about 14 years. I am still, 10 years after the split, handling all the finances. He bailed on me, the kids, and all the marital debt.

Take your name off any and all bills now. Please.

I don't recommend anyone else spend the amount of time I did in such a dysfunctional relationship, disability or no.

And we didn't even discuss the depression, and how you catch it from him.

Make a decision, the ball is in your court, and God bless you, you've done your very best, dear.

Answer 3

Maybe what you should say to him is "You know honey, we're so blissfully happy that I can't imagine anyone in the world being happier than we are."

Then, when he stares blankly at you, say "Aren't you going to disagree with me like you always do? I was hoping you would, because for once I'd end up agreeing with you about something."

If nothing else, that should start a discussion going.

Honestly, there are a myriad of reasons why he may be like this but I can't believe that he just SUDDENLY became Mr. Contrary Egotist after you married him....didn't you see some red flags BEFORE you sauntered down the aisle??

You need to tell him, frankly and lovingly, that it hurts you when he constantly disagrees and makes you feel stupid. He'll either get the point and get help or try and make changes, or he won't. If he does, you stay. If not....

At least you won't be suffering from this kind of passive-aggressive emotional abuse any more.

Answer 4

You two need family couples counseling yesterday!

He has emotional and maybe behavioral mental problems. He is a malignant narcissistic child.

However, there is something called life counseling which you might want to search out. Also, you should do the Forum, offered by Landmark education. Google Landmark Education Corporation and go to an introduction. It will give you other choices and options.

Your husband is probably tied to very old ways of thinking and most likely cannot change because his ego would not allow it. He is highly abusive.

Answer 5

A lot of men are like that, he's just disagreeing to be disagreeing. He needs some more excitement in his life or something. Don't just take it though, turn it around on him... everything he says start disagreeing w/ him then when he gets frustrated b/c you have made him sound like the dumbass maybe he'll learn his lesson real quick. The best way to hurt a stubborn man's pride is to make him out to be the dumbass!

Answer 6

Granted I don't know your relationship, but maybe in the past you've been the dominant personality in the duo? If that is the case he's simply trying to prove his dominance and say hey Im the man you're supposed to listen to me. All men in general though can be stubborn fools. After all if you know you're right that's all the matters. And if it's really a matter of ego, instead of arguing try agreeing with him and complementing him. Like saying that you really like the tie he picked to go with that shirt... Or that he looks really hot today... Or simply saying you're the man when he accomplishes something. Whether it's winning a lvl on a computer game, or repairing the car. Men love compliments that make them feel like the dominant sex... Like they can take care of us and we have to rely on them. They love it.

Answer 7

Easy, hon.

Neither you have communication skills, and each of you delight in nettling the other.. It makes no difference how old you are, neither of you is much beyond a child screaming for its own wishes and needs to be met immediately. It is a real skill to get your wishes and wants out there on the table without initiating rage and resentment, and from your little note, here, you each initiate rage and resentment in the other and appear to delight in doing so!!!!!.

We do not teach negotiating skills in hs, and few take communications classes in college. As a hs teacher, my apologies.

Here's something to think about: " Do you realize what an absolute and total jerk you are when you just pick up and leave and go out with the guys and leave me here to.....? Are you just trying to be stupid?"

As opposed to:

"Wow, I know you like time with your friends, but I like time with you to.... time that we can spend seeing a movie, or...... When could we talk so that we plan to have time together, as well as time with each of our sets of friends?"

See the difference? There is no way you won't get a rise from the first one. With the second, you are indicating that you as well "own" the problem, and you as well would like to participate in its solution.

Negotiating differences is a learned skill, hon. Get a few sessions in counseling to learn the language needed... worth every dime for two sessions.

Answer 8

It's been my experience (and every other woman I know) that men are fixers. They seem to have a better, cheaper, quicker, cleaner way to do things. Now I have to admit, sometimes they're right but geez, it's tough always being wrong!

Answer 9

Something is causing him to be pessismistic, unless he was this way before you met him. Let him know that the negative comments and constant resistance against everything you say bothers you and is causing problems.

Answer 10

To be honest that's most men for ya.They always have to be right and we always have to be wrong. Truth me it wont get any better honey you have to put your foot down and tell him that the sky is BLUE

Answer 11

First off your husband can't be the most assinine, stubborn person in the world as my husband holds that record...lol...But some guys tend to think they are always right and will fight you tooth and nail to prove it...Call it machoism, call it control, call it what you like...still makes them look like asses.