Earlier this year I got faced with living on my own and without a partner for the first time in my life (I am 27). I do not take it as loneliness, it is a gift because I have issues from the past I need to solve and learn how to live with in order to be able to lead a happy life and then get into a reelationship with someoen who will be worth my love. In any event, I am spending a part of my summer vacation with my parents back home and I am facing some painful days but also knowing i am exactly where I need to be. Ive realized that I have big issues with my parents. My father is extremely dominant but a good person and that contrast used to confuse me as a kid because I thought that his behaviour is justified just because he has a good and honest heart. My mother is a person born to be a pleaser and I am so disguisted at her because she is also a good hearted woman and she could ve been well educated, but she decided that she wasn t worth anything and she ended up ...
2007-07-01 07:21:45 · 4 answers · asked by stargazer 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
living in the village my father grew up in, pleasing him and his mother. I ve spent years thinking because of the tradition of my country that I should behave as my mother and guys used to use that and now my eyes are wide awake and I see everything so clear. I am not like her, I have a very strong will, which made me dump my controlling boyfriend and live alone in a distant country with my carrier. Now when I go back home to visit my parents, I get more and more aware of their unhealthy relationship. They are both completely emotionally unavailable. There is no use to convince my mother in some things because she just doesnt get it and my father already refuses to think he can be wrong so there you go. I understand that I have to resolve this in some way so that it stops bothering me because it ruins my vacation ever time and I come from the place where I live in a good mood and everything but only 2 days here can translate me back in my childhood, filled with darkness and...
2007-07-01 07:28:33 · update #1
loneliness, his alcoholism and carelesness, her trying to please him first and not me. I so no use in discussing this with them. I have my own life, but I cannot a avoid meeting them, they are my parents and I love them, but they are ruining my essence everytime I look at them. What should I do?
2007-07-01 07:30:49 · update #2
Have you tried accepting that you are not going to change your parents' relationship whether it is healthy or not? Their relationship also has no bearing on what you do either-- you don't break up with your boyfriend because of how you see your parents. That sounds like an excuse. As for your vacations being ruined-- why do you let your vacations be ruined? I am often annoyed at phrases like, "you make me so mad". No one makes you anything. You choose to be mad, sad, happy, glad, whatever. You are choosing to have your vacation ruined. If you can't get the past the fact that your parents are this way and you can't accept them for what they are, maybe you shouldn't visit them or stay with them for an extended period of time. The thing to focus on is that you are an adult. You have your own life, relationships, etc. to worry about. Your parents, contrary to what you may believe, are capable of taking care of their problems. At any rate, it is stressful for anyone to stay with their parents, but I think it is very important that you pick your battles and be thankful that you have a family--even if you think they are in an unhealthy relationship and if that relationship or just being around them conjures up hard memories for you.
2007-07-01 07:46:59 · answer #1 · answered by modest m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey you need to love them where they are at...my dad and mom seem to match your discriptions...I went thru this already and like you it was very scary to face..I found out that my dad was not so stern and dominant when I faced him as an adult...with lots of issues...he was a tough nut to crack, but when I listened to how he was treated as a young boy I realized alot of things...and I also found the hidden strengths of mom that I never saw from her submissiveness...sometimes strength is under a different shadow...I asked both of them to tell me about their childhood memories of their mom and dads...it helped me to see alot of the abusive chains in our family that had shaped that I broke...all of them..and helped both mom and dad break chains in their thinking towards their lives which made the difference...Mom passed on to heaven two years ago, but I am so glad I saw what she had gone thru and why her survival mode put her in the submissive role...try not to judge them, find out the reasons behind the actions...you will be suprised...and I just want to tell you ...good for you...your on the right track to being happy...you will be happy to get out the skeletons in the closet and get rid of them...I am
2007-07-01 07:38:25 · answer #2 · answered by rowdysunsetart 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are alive to help yourself. Site below tells how you can feel perfect peace and limitless happiness with info from top psychologists. You need to discover just how incredible you really are.
You are much greater than you can imagine. You are beyond time and space. That is your true nature. You are much more incredible than anything in existence. Find out what you are and you will feel a happiness greater than anyone can imagine.
2007-07-01 07:33:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just go for a week.
I'm so glad you are getting a grip on your issues with your family. Keep up the good work!
2007-07-01 09:30:30 · answer #4 · answered by boogeywoogy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋