English Agen Help Anyone?

Question

This is what i have so far anyone got any ideas for the next paragraph please write in full thanks a lot

As I look out my window ready to go out all I could see was the rain pelting down its delicate noise hitting the ground I was dreading going out tonight but Janice was depending on me. The slow dying wind of November greets me as I step outside. The trees shaking leaving their trial of leaves fluttering through the air I shiver zip up my coat the rain hammering down on me i run to the car. I sit staring at the steering wheel for a couple of minutes and think to myself how will I ever be able to look Janice in the eye tonight after what I had done last night what if she already knows about it.

Answer 1

This paragraph is filled with grammar errors, confusion of verb tenses, confusion of imagery (dying wind of November, leaves fluttering); leaves can't be fluttering if there's no wind and they would all be gone by November anyway. In addition, you have rain "hammering down," after you say it's making a "delicate noise." Hammers don't make delicate noises, and, anyway nothing could possibly flutter in such weather, even if it existed. I suggest that you visualize (picture in your mind) the scene before you describe it. Make an outline first, then write the paragraph. This one is unacceptable by any standards, I'm sorry to say And finally "agen" is spelled "again."

Answer 2

Try to keep most things in the past tense and we can't write something for you. Don't use so much visual descriptions because most people don't care what things look like in a book because no matter how much you describe something they'll never be able to see it. Rely more on emotions.

Note: Use the past tense when telling the story and when someone is speaking most of the time use the present tense. There are many excetpions to this rule but it's just best to keep that in mind while you make them speak.