I have been married for a few years to a man who has been mean and cruel at times, and mentally and physically abusive. I have been cheated on and literally treated like ****.
We have one child and one on the way. Which probably isnt so good.
The last few months I have spent talking on and off to a guy that I know. I really want to be with this guy. But I have issues. I have a hard time leaving the abusive relationship that i am in. I heard this is common. I just really dont want to hurt anyone.
Has anyone else been in this position and have any input?
2007-07-01 06:36:06 · 14 answers · asked by Tljabgdvhj 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Youve probably spent so much time in this abusive relationshipyou dont know anything else and are quite used to it so to get out of it represents change and change,although good,is not easy for anyone especially once one gets set in their ways. You just have to figure out whats best for you here. Are you better off staying right where you are where you know exactly what will happen and can dealwith it or to leave him for someone else with an unknown future of what lies ahead and what if thisguy turns out to be abusive too. Choices in life are not easy but we must mak them nonetheless. Personally,I would say its time to move on from the abuser but am not quite sure another man so quick is your answer. Good luck
2007-07-01 06:47:41 · answer #1 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
NOBODY who has been in an abusive relationship should be running off into a new relationship. First you need time alone to investigate with a psychologist why you let yourself get into that position in the first place. You also need to develop yourself as a person, hopefully successfully, such as starting a new career, or starting one if you don't have one.
Women who run from one man to another without a break are afraid to be alone and find out who they are. Sorry, but it would be a big mistake for you to enter a new relationship weak as you are.
You may not like the truth, but go ask a psychologist if you don't believe me.
2007-07-01 06:43:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Stop talking to the new guy. When a couple makes wedding vow in front of God, God promises to solve the problems between the individuals provided you co-operate and listen to Him in prayer. You have one kid and another one is on its way. You have more to save in your current marriage than to find in a shattered family.
It is understandable that an abusive husband is a misery and an unjust living experience. But you have done the right thing asking a question here. I know women who broke away from their previous marriage just because they could not tolerate it and it all went downhill from there.
Most Importantly - Work the wedding vow. Learn your husband's heart and mind. Understand the root cause of his behavior. Help him overcome it. Show him the gift that God has granted you two in the form of the kid and the one on its way. Purify your own heart so no temptation can break into it.
2007-07-01 06:48:53 · answer #3 · answered by HOWDY101 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The best way to end an abusive relationship is to simply to end it.. and please, please don't get in to another relationship right off the back is not fair for the other person,who knows what kind of problem your current husband is going to give him if you care for this other guy you would not putting in a position where he might get hurt or worse die... think about what your doing OK..First you have to put your life in order and then when you are one hundred percent sure your marriage is over and I mean DIVORCE then you can pursue a relationship with someone else.. Get your life together.. before you bring something new in to your life.. good luck.
2007-07-01 06:44:06 · answer #4 · answered by boricua_2290 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I was married to an abuser for 5 years then in a custody fight for 4 more years. It was hard to leave, but the best thing. Just walk out with your baby. No words, no explanation, just go. Remember, you have be battered for years, it is not about not hurting anyone....it's about saving you and your kids from more of the same......after I was gone and the ex saw our daughter....he would hurt her because she was part of me. He now has NO contact, NO parental rights, the danger for child abuse is real. You need to leave. Immediately.
2007-07-01 06:41:50 · answer #5 · answered by hailstorm 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
In my human behavior class, it was stated that it takes eight times before a spouse will leave an abusive situation.
Do not get in the mold that its your fault that he is treating you this way. He is control human being.
If you like the guy, leave your husband and divorce him before the child is born. Your child deserves to be raised in a loving environment.
2007-07-01 08:51:03 · answer #6 · answered by ldmhuston 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first off I am sorry for the situation you are in right now. I have been there and was in it for way to long.
Do Not stay with your husband for the kids sake. I did and they still suffered because of it.
Do Not get involved with anyone, untill you are totally clear from your husband and you have had time to find yourself again. I remarried with in a year and it was to soon. Fell right back into the same situation.
I am now on my own and have been for 6 years and have found who I am and loving life. Yes someone special is in my life, but no hurry for anything permanent. Good luck
2007-07-01 06:43:31 · answer #7 · answered by lynda 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I was married 12 years to a man who did the same thing. Get out of it. Don't waste your life with a man who treats you like ****. Go for the guy you have been talking to if that's what you want to do.Please leave this abusive situation it will affect your kids.. i no....Much Luck To You. Life is to short to be miserable!!
2007-07-01 06:44:06 · answer #8 · answered by Pamela S 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
do you really need to ask someone advise on this? you already know your in a bad relationship and you already know that it will and probably already has effected your children. so whats left to ask? getting involved with someone else right now would only complicate your life. take some time for you and your kids-alone- and give yourself so time to reflect the relationship you were in and ask yourself if that's what you want for you and your kids!
2007-07-01 06:58:33 · answer #9 · answered by sharonna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wasnt married, but I was with an abusive alcoholic, who was not just physically but emotionally abusive as well. It was hard to cut ties, as we had a baby at the time. One day, he punched me, and I couldnt take it anymore. I made him leave our home, and I got a restraining order. He wanted to control me for several years after the breakup and it was very hard, but I had to stick to my guns. I was never really happy with him, and i had to remember that. I had to be strong for the sake of my child and myself, for I didnt want him to hurt her EVER. Now I am getting married soon to our old neighbor, and couldnt be happier. It was hard at first because he tried to pull his **** on me for a long time. He hasnt seen our daughter in two years, and hopefully he wont see her again. Get out now, and remember how hard its going to be at first, but how happy you can be later. You deserve to be happy, and your children deserve for you to be happy. Good luck and God Bless you.
2007-07-01 06:53:46 · answer #10 · answered by Mrs. 26 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋