CSA...What can my partner do about his ex spending the money on herself and not his son?

Question

My partner pays nearly £600 a month to his ex....but we have found out that his son is not seeing any of the money! My partner's son has asked him for £20 for a school trip...The ex has spent the £600 on holiday clothes for herself. My partner is spiting mad as you can imagine....Can he do anything about it?????

My partner fed and clothed this woman and her 4 kids for 12 years...the 5th child is his only biological son which is the one he pays the £600 for...all the others are out of futher education and have left home! she hardly ever worked in those 12 years and was even for a short time claiming income support after he had moved in! And then in the 11 year of the relationship had an affair with his best "friend"! After he left with only clothes and some large debts...run up by her..all stupidly in his name because she had a very bad credit score! He paid her £100 a week cash in hand after he left...of which she did not declare to the dss!!! Because he stopped the money when he found out it was being spent on nights out for her! It wasnt good enough that he started buying all the kids shoes, uniform, everday clothes ..and gave them spending money! She wanted the money in her hand , when she didnt get it she went to the csa ! Also she lives in the home he pays the mortgage for!!!!

Answer 1

Simple answer....no.

Difficult situation. Unless he can prove that the money is going elsewhere, there isn't a case. Even if he could prove it still Will be very difficult to argue a case against it.
Obviously as this has been through the CSA, they have assessed how much your partner will pay his ex, so this amount is unlikely to change.

My best advice would be to phone the CSA to see what can be done about this but as you can imagine this would be a hard case to investigate as they wouldn't know whether she is spending her own money or your partners.

It might look like your partner will have to grin and bear this situation, which is a very horrible one.

Maybe a suggestion would be to talk to the ex partner about maybe spending more on the child. This must be very difficult for and your partner.
try calling this number 08457 133 133

Answer 2

If you want to know the truth here about support then here it goes. The money that gets paid is for the care and wealthfare of not only the child but of the mother, that is what most don't understand. With todays femine advancements some has changed for women, but women are still underpriviledged and even more so when they have children to support! Maybe she did buy some close with "quote his money," but then you need to think about what did she do with "her money." The best thing you can do is to stay out of it and be supportive of the child and his relationship with his mother and father!! That is all everyone needs is another coming into a relationship that happened prior to you and you molding minds and adding your own biased two cents. If there is anything wrong here, it is you being apart of the money issue. There is a court that resolves issues like this, and I GUARANTEE you they would run you out of there if you asked them this question. On the other hand, if the child is not clothed properly, is not housed properly, is not feed properly then maybe there is an issue. And something else to think about the money that was given doesn't even come close to paying for everything that he would need in a month so what is the big deal that he asks dad for another 20? Isn't that what moms and dads do, pay for stuff for their children. I mean if there were still together he would have payed the rent and all the bills and the son still would have asked for 20, what is the big deal? And also, what if the mom doesn't want him to go on the trip and the son is going behind mom's back? But my advice is to get over it, or talk to a judge, but certainly keep your nose out of it!

Answer 3

It is a difficult one, we also had this problem and everytime she wants to go on holiday she asks us to send other money for him (my husbands son).
We now don't pay through the CSA because she didn't want her income support to stop or get reduced, we contacted the CSA and basically we pay her directly and have every payment documented of what we give her, we pay a smaller lump sum BUT we pay for swiming lessons/cubs/kick boxing lessons etc directly to the companies so she doesn't get it but it goes in a way to his son and it makes up the difference.
He is not the best dressed kid in the world and we know the money is buying her the car she wants but we know that he has activites and doesn't miss out in different ways.
The thing is to change the way it maintainance gets paid it has to be a joint decision and one that she wants to do.
This is the problem a lot of people that are paying through the CSA have or any maintainance payments, there is no guarntee on what the money is spent on and it is sad that some people are out for themselves and don't think of the children.

Answer 4

Its none of your business!

All men who provide maintenance would love their ex to live in abject poverty as per 20 years ago!

How that would benefit his child I have no idea!

What you need to do is think about how you will cope with a man who has prior obligations. Any future family you decide have will still have to include his first born! And you have understand that he still must pay towards the upkeep of that child!
Also if your partner has these views, what would happen to you if you had a child to him and then split up? QWould he do the same?

I believe that your partner is trying to shirk his responsibilities and is being malicious to his ex. As previous answers have said- it costs far more than £600 per month to raise a child!
I have brought up two children as a single parent, and their father wouldn't pay maintenance as he didn't see why he should!

I am adding this in responce to your additions!

Its all irrelevant. He lived with her for those years. That's what couples do! They financially and emotionally support each other!

He still has to pay maintenance for his child. End of story.
Life is hard and sometimes you just have to put up with the crap!
Presumably your partner is contibuting to the costs of your household too? if you are living together, how do you sort out your financial affairs?

My answer still stands, your partner has a financial commitment to his child, no matter what. He should be proud to contribute to the well being of his child and ashamed of trying not to.

what if it were a bank loan that he had to pay back? He would still have to make arrangements, so I still cannot understand your point.

Answer 5

This has been a huge problem with child support since its onset. Fathers and paying mothers are crying for accountability everywhere and from what I see lawmakers are starting to take notice everywhere. Here in some states CSAis starting to issue pre-paid credit cards to show where the money is going ad on whom. Its a slow process but at least its a beginning to the end of a huge on going problem.

Answer 6

Let me explain it this way. Money ordered to pay for a child is for they're well being. Meaning that it goes for the roof over his/her head, school and day wear, food, entertainment, etc. Now is he getting these things? Maybe the mother has already paid for these things and not done anything for herself? If this is the case, then his money is just paying her back the fathers portion and she is allowed to do with it as she wishes. To take action against this woman would be a complete waste of money and time in my opinion unless you can prove that the child is going without. Just my opinion.

Answer 7

Really a partner should be there for you when you are having a difficult time. That is what relationships are all about. Its understanding he is hesitant becaus he may feel that if you through another patch then you may push him away again. Read here https://tr.im/t8rxg

I am going through something similar, but she hasnt made any contact to come back to me, and I know even though I may want her, I would be hesitant because of the possibility of going through the same thing again.

I dont know how long you have been apart, but dont pester him to get back with you, although it would be good for you to let him know your feelings, and that you are sorry for pushing him aside.

If he is willing to chat, then great, if he is reluctant, just offer to be a friend maybe, but you have to know that it does not mean he will come back to you.

He will care about you, even after what iv gone through...feelings dont just dissapear no matter what he may say. Stick in there. only time will tell.

If you get another chance, then make the most of it and never let him go awain because if you do, he will never come back. I really hope it works out for you. Its a difficult thing to go through.

Answer 8

Unfortunately there is nothing the CSA can do, I understand the frustration you must be feeling, but your partner needs to tell the mother she needs to put the son first and help the son understand that his father is giving his mother money for his upbringing.

Answer 9

Want to know how to get your ex back? Change yourself. Don't worry about changing other people, worry about changing yourself. Go to https://tr.im/GDCSv

Once you do that then you can start to worry about getting back together with your ex, other wise you will find that you are fighting about all the same things and getting no where. Do what it takes and I promise things will work out in your favor.

The funny thing is I came to the realization that I had to change a little too late. After I was kicked out and after I was about to lose the only things that truly mattered to me - her love. A funny thing happens when we truly love someone and lose them. We do what ever it takes to get them back. For me I had to drop bad habits that had caused not only our relationship to sour but practically every other relationship I had had in the past. Not only with women, but with friends, co-workers, family, you name it.

Which is why I say to you as my ex at the time said to me, the only thing you can do is change yourself. Work on yourself and improve on the person that you already are. Drop the negative things in your life that don't belong there and you will see all of your relationships start to take off to new heights.

Answer 10

He would have to prove that the money is being misdirected in order to either get it reduced--only pay for specific costs or get custody. As long as she states the money is going toward is global care then he wouldn't have a case. Sorry and good luck.