My husband is a good man by most accounts. Unfortunately I get the feeling he would rather be single. Not because he wants to be with other women... but he is very introverted. He likes to stay up late so he has time to himself... he prefers to entertain himself on the computer than to do stuff with me. Honestly, I don't see what he needs me around for.
Is this typical of married life? I'd like to know if I have the right to get upset... or if I'm over reacting.
2007-07-01 05:29:52 · 13 answers · asked by Some Girl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The first six months are a transitional period for both of you. There are a number of developmental stages we go through ( marriage, children, launching children and so on). He is probably getting used to the fact that he is married. Some spouses will go on as if they are still living by themselves or they are still " dating." If it gets to a point where you believe it is crossing a point, you need to tell him. Don't get upset with him. Just sit him down and ask him now where do we go from there. You want to get his ear first then explore what is going on in his head. I could only guess a number of reasons why he is doing this but only you would know. The best way to start is to start with what I said. He maybe acting single but I seriously doubt he forgot about the ring on his finger
2007-07-01 05:36:21 · answer #1 · answered by mars 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm betting he's just a creature of habit. I'm sure he's spent many single nights up late, on his computer. Let him know how you feel and find a compromise. Show him how much fun his nights can be with you! Find things that he enjoys doing with you. Find ways to have fun together. Also, tell him that it's fine if he spends SOME nights at his computer. The reality of marriage is that you don't spend 24/7 together. Everyone needs space. On the nights that he's at the computer, find your own things to do. Sure you have a right to be a little upset but don't go psycho on him..lol
You could plug any number of words into your "he likes to stay up and" comment....it could be read, watch tv, watch porn, go to the bar, play his guitar(that's my husband), work in his wood shop, work on his car, play video games.....
The fact is, people have interests. When you get married you find ways to support each others interests and give each other space. You also find time to spend with each other. Talk to him, ask him if he can live with 2 nights of no computer. They say it takes 30 days to change a habit. Maybe in time, he will see that spending that time with you can be more enjoyable than his computer activities... Good luck :)
2007-07-01 05:47:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are probably not over-reacting. You have the right to expect more from your marriage. It is natural for you both to want to do some things independently but there should be a happy balance between the two of you when it comes to spending time together. He is not meeting your needs. Personally I think that a friendship with your mate is more important to women than men. He needs to understand that you are needing that from him. You probably are not asking for much, and he should be reasonable about making a compromise with you. It is probably a typical problem, but not one you should just accept.
2007-07-01 05:39:53 · answer #3 · answered by I39 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well Do you still Love her?....... If so than you should sit down with her and talk to her and tell her how you feel. When you are married to each other than that means you are not to keep anything from each other you guy's are not strangers maybe if you start talking to her than maybe she will open up her feelings and say something back hey you never know worth a shot give it a try don't be scared it will be ok good luck.
2016-05-20 02:11:03 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is difficult for some people to make the adjustment. You need to spend some time together, but he also needs his alone time.
I am the same way. After 10 years of marriage, if I can't get enough alone time, I get cranky. You need to find some things that you can do yourself and not depend on him to entertain you and spend all of his time with you.
When you do that, you will find that the time you spend together is much better.
Talk to him about how you feel. Let him know that you are willing to compromise and try to designate specific time to "together time" and specific time as "alone time" for both of you. Then find something to fill your alone time.
2007-07-01 05:53:20 · answer #5 · answered by mj69catz 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No its not typical and could be that hes not used to the married life and has done what he does all his life.I would talk to him and ask him why he does what he does.Most of the time when you just get married your all over each other,but that depends on everyone,not one person is the same.Good luck to you and hope this helps
2007-07-01 05:42:04 · answer #6 · answered by ER Doctor 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
when i lived with my ex, i had some issue abotu eprsonal space. later, we found out the mutal agreement that we have different bed on weekdays. we can sleep together whenever, but we can still keep some mysteria and exciting between each other.
hoenstly, we have different time for work and school at that time. it was much better when we had different bed, so i can read lately and lay down to playw ith my notebook. since he wake up early than i do, he can sleep early and so on. it works better for us, and we can ahve more to talk on weekend. at the same time, we can hang out with friends, and we don't need to have dinner together everyday. it really helped us to have own space, and it was excelllent.
he needs to get things done, and it can be distrub if others people are around. so, i can understand both of your feelings. if i were you, you can watch some movie and read some books. it can create something to talk later.
2007-07-01 05:38:42 · answer #7 · answered by Tracy But 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No this is not "typical" for married life. Perhaps it is time to sit him down and talk about what each of your expactations from this marriage are. Sometimes men do not know what we want from them and many times we as women just expect them to know. They dont know and wont know unless we are very straightforward and to the point. Let him know what your feeling and what your needs are....he may surprise you.
2007-07-01 05:34:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is used to having things his way and it takes time to adjust to being together. Give him a reason to come to bed. You can quietly lead him in the direction you want with the right motivation. I'll leave that to your imagination.
Good Luck
2007-07-01 05:42:14 · answer #9 · answered by Big Red 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
married ten years same problem, only he doesnt want to be single,hes just the kind of person who is very independent.. and needs time to himself... as long as they can respect we need together time too.. hard to balance,but can be done.happily done.
2007-07-01 05:52:11 · answer #10 · answered by peapod 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋