Should we accept favours from friends, family and others or should not we accept favours to avoid debts?

Question

Hi,

I wonder if there is a reason to accept favours or if "favour" means future debts and should be radically avoided.

I am interested in reading different opinions about this.

Regards.

Answer 1

You don't do favors for someone in the interest of getting things in return. You make a loan to get money back and you make an agreement to trade services if you want to, but a favor should be done out of the goodness of your heart...it's not a favor if there are strings attached..

Answer 2

My mom's advice: "Neither a borrower nor a lender be." This especially includes family and friends, because the results can often ruin a relationship. If the favor involves money, borrow it from a legitimate lending agency, like the bank. This way there is a legal, binding contract between the lender and the borrower. It will save a lot of hard feelings. If you insist on lending or giving money to someone, don't automatically expect that it will be returned. Many times the borrower resents being asked for its repayment, and the lender becomes the "bad guy".

Answer 3

If you can trust the family member / friend, then accept the favour. Don't necessarily feel you HAVE to do something in return. If you feel uneasy or can't trust them, try not to accept favours or they could hold it against you and say you never do anything in return. A good friend would never do anything like that.

Answer 4

Uh, don't you ever do other people favors?

Although in good relationships, favors are two-way, it's not like a one-for-one, owing kind of situation.

You do things for people you care about, because you care about them and want to help them; they do things for you for the same reason.

Refusing favors because you don't want to incur "debt" misses the whole point.

There ARE people who don't understand this, and, doing what they CALL a favor, expect some particular thing in return.

If that's the kind of person you're dealing with, then, yes, if you don't want to do whatever payback they want, it's best to not accept favors.

As others have pointed out, it isn't a favor if it's a trade -- that's another concept, though there's no reason to reject all such trades; if it benefits you both, go for it.

It's a GOOD thing to be able to help those one cares about, and be a person they can come to when they need something (which you can say "no" to if they ask too much); and it's good to have people you can ask favors of or receive help from.

It's just one of the aspects of what can be rich relationships.

You hang out together, have fun together, share your triumphs and woes, do things to help each other.

When favors are part of this whole package, it's not a question of "If I accept this favor I owe X in return."

When we say "I owe you one!" when someone does us a favor, it's not a specific debt; we're expressing appreciation and a willingness to "return" the favor -- within reason.

As with everything in life, there's should always be a "within reason" clause.

When you have a history with people that includes doing favors for each other, it's not a one-for-one, keeping-track of each thing.

The favors they've done and the favors you've done meld into a sense of mutually helping each other.

Answer 5

If someone is giving you a favor so that they can claim something from you later, it is not a favor. It is a debt.

A borrower nor a lender be. - Shakespeare

If I offer someone something, even if they borrow it from me, I don't expect it back or anything in return - my personal perspective. If I can't afford to give it away, I don't even lend it.
On the other hand, giving people gifts is a way of developing social relationships, and I do give things away and I offer help. I believe in developing social relationships because I want to believe that we are all brothers and sisters on this puny planet we call earth. So, if someone is willing to give you something, accept it in appreciation, and if someone needs something and you have plenty, give it. Nothing is really ours or anyone else's. We have it for a time, and then it is gone, and so are we.

Answer 6

I think accepting help is a way to a more understanding and gelled society. If people don't accept help through pride, or worry about accepting it because they don't want to have to give out in the future (a selfish reason), then we would all be teetering there by ourselves, with a very fractured world around us.

Here's to accepting help, and giving to others, without any presumption of selfish gain. And not feeling that we should give back just because we have received. I think we should do things in a pure and uncalculated way.

Answer 7

it depends on who's doing the favour some people i wouldn't except the favour from because i know i have taken a debt on but some people i will gladly do anything for, so i guess use your own judgement and don't get into debt.

Answer 8

A favor, by definition, does not require that you pay them back. The idea is that you help someone merely out of the goodness of your heart, without any expectations of the other party. Whether they want to return the favor is entirely up to them.

To that end, I have a rule of never refusing anyone's generousity or charitability. I figure it gives me something I want or need, and it makes the person doing me the favor feel good.

I always try to return the favor to the best of my ability. For example, my brother bought us concert tickets at $200 per ticket. I can't afford that, and he knows that, so I'll at least take him out for dinner to show my appreciation, even if the cost is less than the value of the ticket.

Answer 9

There's nothing wrong with accepting a favour or doing one for someone else (that's what friends are for). But it should be a selfless act; you don't do a favour because you expect one in return. My God, even the mafia do that.

Answer 10

If you really need the favour then accept it, because you should worry about how much you need it now rather than how to pay it back later.