What should i tell her? Her dauighter was her life. she was a single mom. she is an emotional wreck right now not talking to anyone. I am not in good shape either. I lost my best friend last week in a murderer. Now her in a car crash. Help someone!
2007-07-01 04:12:09 · 19 answers · asked by Michael B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Oh My! Just be there for her.
2007-07-01 04:14:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there is anything you can say to her. The best thing you can do is just support her. If she doesn't feel like talking, don't. Make sure she stays healthy, eating right, etc. And You, losing a best friend to a murderer. I can't imagine!! Maybe you two need each more than ever right now. Grieving really is the best healer. Take the time to grieve. Just spending time together, just being, is the best. Eventually words will come from her, you may not know what to say, take your queue from her. It may be anger, help her direct the anger, it may be the big "why" question. To that, there is no answer. Place and time. Just talk. Believe in yourself, believe in her and believe that time really doesn't heal, it just lessens the hurt. One other thing, make sure you are there for her for the long run. Lots of people pay immediate attention, very few pay long term attention. Stick with it, start with just breathing then take your time, baby steps. Grief groups help, churches, ministers all of those help, but she and you must want it. Finding out that you are not the only one to suffer these losses - well, personally it didn't really help me, I already knew that - what did help was the talking. Just talking, but only when I was ready. My sympathies for both of you. My encouragement to both of you.
2007-07-01 11:28:18 · answer #2 · answered by sillyswede99 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it's best to not say anything. After my fiance died 3 years ago, I just needed some time to sort out my head. Every time someone would say "You'll be okay," or "I understand," it made me want to scream. Finally I went off and ended up spending the weekend in jail and having to go to court over a battery charge because people couldn't leave well enough alone. How can anybody say anything to make losing the only person important in your life any easier?
No, sometimes it's best just to give them space for a little while, and at the same time, let them know that you're there when they're ready to explore their feelings about the situation. But, then again, I don't know your friend, so I can't say this with any authority...
2007-07-01 11:21:06 · answer #3 · answered by Todd C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend needs a strong grip on goodness and reality right now. You two have a very common bond - you've both lost someone close to you, and that's a great place to start.
Your job is to be a good listener. Let her talk it out - it may take a long time, but don't lose patience.
Remember, the daughter was her everything, so you can bring the daughter up all you want to. She's not a person to be hidden off in a closet because you think it will be painful for your friend to talk about.
Be a friend - that's what you can do.
2007-07-01 11:17:16 · answer #4 · answered by Stuart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How sad that so many tragedies touched you in such a short amount of time. I too lost my best friend unexpectedly (through a drug overdose) and it was one of the hardest things I ever had to go through. As for your other friend who lost a child, nothing will ever ease the pain of such a loss. All you can do at this point is be there to support one another in your losses. The best thing would be to tell her that you are there for here, and put your heart into doing everyday things for her that she might not be capable of right now. Like helping her clean house, and even making arrangements. These things are grueling when one is at the height of grief.
2007-07-01 11:18:12 · answer #5 · answered by evilbatfangs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes the only thing you can do is be there for someone. Let her know that you care and that you would do anything to make things better. That could be listening to her vent, or bringing her something to eat. Either way don't be overbearing because grieving people tend to want a little more space than normal. Just don't give her so much space that she feels abandoned in her time of need.
2007-07-01 11:16:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry to hear about your losses. I think the best thing right now is for you to be alone, but only for a little bit. It's okay to grieve over someone missing, because that means you really cared for them. You should be sad how ever long it takes for you to start moving on. As for your best friend, give her space if she wants it, but also remind her that you know what she is going through, and you are there for whenever she needs it. It might take a while to start getting back to a normal life, but don't rush it when you aren't quite ready.
~I am really really sorry to hear this. :(
2007-07-01 11:19:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you should tell her is that you'll be there for her no matter what and that you love her. That's what she needs to hear at the moment during this painful time. Be with her, talk to her, take care of her. Tell her her daughter wants her to be happy.
It'll be a long painful ordeal that can last alot longer than both of you want it to last, but life does go on. Death happens and it's painful, but we have to remember that the dead will want us to live for them.
If things get worst, you may want to seek the help of a counselor, a church member, a therapist, or someone else you trust to get you and your friend through this hard time.
2007-07-01 11:18:36 · answer #8 · answered by Maria Brightly Burning 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing u can say to her that will make her feel better! But being there for her, whatever the time is or however busy you are.
Use your own grief & share with her... make some special days out together.. let her know u love her & maybe knowing you have lost someone close will help her to talk to you.
Im so sorry for you both.
"remember the memories of long ago, for they are like roses found in the snow"
2007-07-01 11:16:56 · answer #9 · answered by Carol x 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One day go over 2 her house without calling first. When u get there try 2 comfort her by talking 2 her about things that r going on in ur life that r on the positive side. It won't make her completely forget about her child obviously, but it will temporarily put her in a good mood.
2007-07-01 11:19:02 · answer #10 · answered by colleenicole! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Invite her over for a coffee and just listen to her. If she won't come over yet just keep calling her and leave nice messages on her phone. Let her know you support her no matter what. Tell her you care about her and your worried sick and you want her to lean on you for support. Also send her flowers with a nice note saying how much you care about her and that she can count on you.
2007-07-01 11:16:56 · answer #11 · answered by JJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋