very hard time getting over mothers death? ls it normal to grieve so much?

Question

l always thought that the loss of a parent would be easier to get over than it was. l was very close to my mother, she died quite suddenly (within a couple of days notice) about 8 months ago. l did spend a lot of time with her before she died, l actually looked after her, but because she was sick so much, l just thought she'd get better this time too. The doctors gave us no warning or anything, and l was so angry and felt cheated of the time we could have had with her if we'd known......for a couple of months l had very terrible depression.....it's easier now, but l still miss her so much. Also l'm 23. ls this normal? What should l do? l don't have any siblings either.

Answer 1

I am sorry to hear about your loss. We can never gauge the intensity with which loss of our parent is going to affect us. We never for a moment think that they could be gone. They are so integrated in our life that we can't imagine life without them.

Presently you are feeling anger because our grief goes through different stages--shock, denial, anger(feeling cheated), tears, depression, resignation and finally acceptance. You will also go through this cycle and depending upon your personality the time taken to get out of these phases will be decided. You will be okay finally. Life is regenerating. Trust me. The loss will be felt always but the memories will become sweet with passing of time.

Knowing of the imminent end helps only very little. You can only tie the loose ends like make a will, nominations in your accounts, such things only, but cannot simply insure against the grief you are going to feel. My own father suffered from a terminal illness and the doctors told us he had only a year and half to live. We could only make him physically comfortable with that knowledge but when the end came we all were devastated and felt the impact so strongly that even we were surprised. All this when we knew this was going to happen! So don't be angry with yourself or the doctor. You did your best and some things are not in our hands.

It took me one full year to come to term with myself after losing my father and I am double your age! You will also find strength within yourself. Bless you......

Answer 2

Oh my yes, this is normal! Yes it is! The loss of a mother is always devastating, always, but Especially as you described. Give yourself some time. People grieve over their moms for the rest of their lives. Don't despair, though. Let people know how you feel, and they'll try to "mother" you. That will be some comfort. When the pain is real bad, let yourself just stop everything for a few minutes, "have a cup of tea," and go ahead and "wallow in it" 'til you're able to go on (it won't take long. Find yourself some "siblings." Tell them that's what they mean to you. (Male and female, any age you like.) Just make yourself a family, girl. You sound like a great kid. Anybody'd be proud to have you for a "daughter."

Answer 3

Hi, I know how you feel. I lost my mother 4 years ago suddenly to suicide. She was unwell for about 1 year.
I had a newborn & 4 yo at the time so never had time to grieve properly and I still feel the pain today.

Your reactions are totally normal, noone expects you to stop missing her or grieving the loss. You just have to know how to cope on the bad days when the hurt gets too much.

A grief councilor or therapist can really help - even if its just to listen to you. Trust me, you will feel so much better if you can unload your emotions.

Good luck and take care x

Answer 4

I like you don't have any siblings.But it took me 2 years before the pain got less. With anyone who is close to you , you have to give it time. Time to grieve and a time for yourself to just reflect the good times and memories you shared with your mother. Course i was alot older than you when my mother died but nevertheless its still painful. 8 months isnt that long and you are normal. Sorry for your loss but the key word is TIME.

Answer 5

I lost my Mom when I was 16. My dad at 17. I am now 53, and I still hurts. When the depression hits I start thinking about the good times. I had enough anger for everyone. Mad at Mom for leaving, there is so many unanswered questions. But as time goes by, it is easier. You'll never forget, but you'll never stop loving either.

Answer 6

Yes, it is normal, my mom died just after I turned 18 and even though I thought I hated the things she tried to teach me when I was younger (She was a country girl and a farmer) and I gave her hell and fought it all the way. I am now at 45 yrs. of age an award winning agriculturist and horticulturist. Trust me she will always be with you. Remember the positive.

Answer 7

When my brother met his wife, her mom had just died, and she didn't want to get into a relationship. She was probably within a year or two of your age at the time. She took a year to grieve before she felt she could give herself fully to a relationship.

Answer 8

Being so young still (not an insult, I am young as well) it is normal to have so much greif. It wasnt that long ago that your mother was your primary caregiver, and now with her gone its going to be hard.

The pain will never go away but it will lessen over time.

Answer 9

My Mother passed away about 10 years ago. I was told that it gets better with time. Well, I do not cry everyday. I only cry every week. I am not sure if it really is possible to overcome that grief or not.

Answer 10

you will never get over the death of your mom. In time you will loose some of the sadness and replace it with memories that you can laugh at. There will forever be days you sit and cry, or times that trigger her that will bring you to tears. It's life and unfortunately ya got to live with it.