What can I do? This is a long distance relationship which has worked very well for two years but I now have not seen him for quite a while because now she refuses to accept our relationship. We had all been friends for over 10 years, & he was my Mums best friend too, before she died last year. Earlier this year despite taking precautions, I fell pregnant. She was livid & assumed I was trying to trap her Dad. He did not want the baby. I lost it. Now I am alone trying to deal with it all, I am unhappy & he is really unhappy as well. He was widowed & has raised his daughters alone. He will not risk his relationship with her, but I would never come between him and his daughters either. In fact I have actively encouraged him to spend time with them. It does not help that she is extremely spoilt & has now moved to be with him-to stop him seeing me. She is so selfish, and my partner does not know what to do & neither do I. If you have any ideas on how to deal with her. Please help
2007-07-01 03:13:27 · 12 answers · asked by rose 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is hard one. I feel for you as I am currently watching my dad go through this with his new wife and my younger sister.
He is grown and if he cares for you, he should try to be with you. I understand loving your children but, they are still your children. They are important but should anyone have to spend the rest of thier life alone because thier daughter doesn't approve? My opinion is NO.
Try to talk to him. It's sounds to me like this could be an excuse to put you off. If it is, you deserve better. And, if not, then there has to be a way to work around all this. If you two make each other happy, then that's all that should matter.
Besides, his daughter sounds like a spoiled brat to me. What gives her the right to dictate his love life? Or be petty enough to demand he choose?
2007-07-01 03:36:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remind him that you refuse to be the cause of an ill relationship with his daughter and right now, your presence in his life is doing just that. Tell him you can't be the home-wrecker. (that's the position the daugher has put you in)
This sounds harsh, I know, but your love needs a kick in the rear to establish better boundaries with his daughter. Right now, his daughter sounds like she has very, very, very poor boundaries. When I was 23, while I had concern for my parents, I was more concerned with making my own life.
He created this monster now he has to deal with it if he ever wants to have his own life and make his own choices. Until he sets the boundary with his daughter, he will live under her thumb and not be able to find his own happiness during a time of life that he is entittled to do so.
If he doesn't have the ability at this moment to tell his daughter to go out and live her life, you will have a terribly difficult relationship with this man. Essentially, you marry into a person's family and unfortunately, in his family, the kids call the shots. You will never be happy with that. Who would?
Ultimately, setting and enforcing the boundary to butt out, even if it means cutting off his daughter is the key. If his daughter is truly concerned for her father, she will lay off. If not, he's better off exercising the monster from his life, however, this is not your battle. This has nothing to do with you and is just a by-product of his parenting that only he can address and a problem only he can solve.
The more you meddle in it, the worse of a position you will be in. Its lose, lose regardless, until dad grows a back-bone with his kids.
Take some time off and let him fix it while you heal from your loss.
2007-07-01 04:07:25 · answer #2 · answered by divineblue_tigerlily 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Step out.... by sticking it out you are only going to damage his relationship with his daughter. If he is not sure what to do then that tells you right there that despite the fact he is a grown man, he is going to let his kids control him his whole life. Is that what you want????
Get away from this guy and move on with your life. He doesn't have the gumption to tell his daughters it's his life... and you can't make him.
2007-07-01 04:43:04 · answer #3 · answered by az_mommma 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His daughter is now a woman and she should be more interested in doing her own thing than interfering with her father's life.
But if he's willing to put his grown daughter before you, then either accept you are on the back burner or find another man.
2007-07-01 03:23:27 · answer #4 · answered by Ella 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to sit down and explain that he would not love his daughter any less since you are there. He needs to set some rules about you guys. She is 23 yrs old , seems to me that she needs to open her eyes to the real world. Sorry that you lost your baby. I know the feeling. But she needs a dose of the real world to understand things.
2007-07-01 04:36:30 · answer #5 · answered by lz_adam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't deal with her, he needs to. It's his kid. If he is not going to talk to her or stand up to her for you, then the relationship is over and you need to move on. He should take his daughters feelings into consideration, but they should not be forcing him into something he doesn't want.
2007-07-01 03:17:19 · answer #6 · answered by Summer B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You write: He was my Mum's best friend too.
In other words, you are his daughter's age. His daughter at one point viewed you as a close friend.
Face it . . . she is never going to be happy about you being with her dad. It will never seem "right" to her.
Ideas on how to deal with her? YOU don't. You leave it to her father. If he wants to be with you, he will deal with it.
If he doesn't deal with the situation, then he doesn't want to be with you. Then you will have to move on.
But face it . . . you and his daughter will never be friends again. Her friend slept with her daddy. Things will never be the same between you.
2007-07-01 03:50:02 · answer #7 · answered by Suz123 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, you should not have brought a baby into this situation. The father did not want another kid.
You need to move on from your relationship with him. He is more bonded to his kids than to you. This will forever be a problem.
2007-07-01 03:25:27 · answer #8 · answered by Daiquiri Dream 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds very spoiled, He needs to be the one to decide between you and her. It's too bad she has pushed you into this corner.
2007-07-01 03:17:46 · answer #9 · answered by mimegamy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's the one that needs to make the choice.....personally, if it was me, I'd tell her I'll date whom I want to.....she needs to grow up and deal with it...it's his life....
2007-07-01 03:36:06 · answer #10 · answered by road_runner1963 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋