Marriage in trouble, husband not contributing fair share?

Question

We've been married for 6 mos. 2nd marriage for both. He moved into my house. We knew going in that I made more money than him. I paid all the wedding expenses. Although he's tried, put forth his best effort- he's been through three jobs and none of those worked out. He has a college degree, a good resume. Finally, he found a job, it pays 30k and he's been there for six weeks. It seems as though this one will pan out. So, he's able to give me some money for the first time. I've let him borrow a total of 2K, he's paid back only 600. We talked, escalated into arguing- fighting now for a month. He says that he has to pay off his credit cards. He says that he's giving me all he can. I don't believe that to be true. He says I don't need the money anyway. I'm comfortable but unless he pays some of the household expenses, I feel like he's taking advantage of me. I'm going to hold him to paying 100 weekly. He insists I'm obsessed about $, gives me a hard time.

Fair share- expect him to pay 20% of his income towards our household expenses- mortgage, light, phone, groceries, essentials only. He wants to get his credit cards paid off. The credit cards are HIS debts- he's only correcting his own mistakes. He wants to pay credit cards only. He says the interest rates are killing him, after he pays them off, he can pay towards household expenses. He says exactly what one of the posted answers were- marriage is sharing and it's a combined life- what's mine is yours and I'm making a big fuss about nothing. That paying off his credit cards first is helping us. No, it's helping him. Unless he had me, he wouldn't be able to pay off his credit cards. Thanks for your answers! - I can't believe how the answers are so opposing- it's obvious there are two trains of thought- just like me and my husband.

Answer 1

I think in some ways I have to agree w/him. It sounds like you are more interested in getting him to pay you back rather than overcoming this situation together. Trust me! I know where you are coming from. Sometimes I have the same money issues w/my husband, but it's something that we have to work out together. Your husband just got this job, so I think you should give him a chance before you assume that he doesn't want to help you out. However, if it continues, then I would give him the boot!!

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

You knew going in that you made more money. You paid for all of the wedding expenses. Those two things right there should have been red lights if this was going to be a problem. You marry someones financial life as well. If he doesn't deal with money well, and you do, maybe you should sit down with him and make a plan. If he is trying to pay off credit cards, he's right, the interest will kill him. He should pay them off asap. Look at your financial future as something you will work towards together and stop keeping score. If both of you are not willing to deal with this as a COUPLE then this marriage is never going to work. I think you sound a little obsessed too. Let him get back on his feet and then pay back the money he owes you. Are you charging him high interest?? If you knew he was in debt before you married him, you should have realized that you would be helping him get out of debt. Figure out a plan where he pays the 100 a week he would be paying you to his credit cards. After his cards are paid off, make him CUT THEM UP. He will then easily be able to pay off the $1400 he owes you. There might come a day when he's making more than you are, better get on the same page. Have a plan for the future that you can both contribute to. Good luck :)

Answer 4

If he just started this job about 6 weeks ago, then he's probably only had 3 paychecks.
You guys are married. Why don't you let him pay down his credit card debt. Those interest rates are outrageous.
Then when he catches up, he can start paying off his debt to you.
Yes, he should contribute to the household expenses, but that should be split evenly.

It does sound like you are obsessed with money and keep using it as a leverage to hold over his head.
If you want to remain married, chill out.

Answer 5

YOU TWO ARE NOT MARRIED. Maybe legally, but that's it! You don't have two separate checks when you are married. What the hell is the matter with you? You don't pay this and he pays that and on top of it, he's refusing to pay!

That so-called marriage will definitely end in divorce if you are going to act like roommates. Both your checks should be going into one account and that account should be paying for everything. That's a marriage. That's what couples do when they get married. They share life together.

On top of it your stupid husband is screwing you financially! Incredible. I never heard of such a thing. You should be taking care of each other and making each other happy. You two are selfish, only taking care of yourself, so why the hell are you married if you want to be separate AND THIS IS ALL BECAUSE OF MONEY. Amazing, get a divorce.

Answer 6

When you two people marry you are as one, your money is both of yours. Why did you get married if you want to keep such selfish financial policies? You both need to put your money together in one account and put aside a percentage each month into savings and then from there sit down and work out a budget. Each person is allowed an allowance for their own personal spending and you take that out each month in cash and the rest is for bills and household expenses. It's much easier and less stressful this way than saying this much is mine because I make that much and that much is yours because you borrowed that much so on and so forth, it's childish and if you wanted to be this way you both should have stayed gf/bf instead of husband and wife.

Answer 7

First of all - what is with the "borrowing" money thing. You are married and that should entail helping each other out. If you make more money, you should pay more of the expenses. No, he should not get off scott free on paying the bills, but you have to be rational. If you make considerably more money than him, you can not expect him to be broke all of the time because he pays equally into the bills if you are not broke all of the time either. He has a job - be THANKFUL for that. I know lots of men who don't even try to work. Remember - disagreeing over money is one of the #1 relationship wreckers.

Answer 8

One of the most common questions spouses ask when confronting a marriage crisis is this: How can I save my marriage if my partner doesn't want to help find a solution? How do I succeed I am trying to save my marriage on my own? Learn here https://tr.im/J25la

It is a typical enough story: one partner leaves, the other stays. One remains 'in love', the other is uncertain. Whatever it is that has caused a couple to be apart, the one person who remains bears the prospect, fear, doubt, desire, hope of saving his or her marriage' alone.

Answer 9

well, 2nd time in marriage for both and for only 6mo. money is always an issue for couples no matter what but when you joins hands you join everything. including money any kind of problems you have y'all have together its not fair but its life try com binning your money together two heads are better then one if you join y'alls paychecks together yall will never argue about money my husband always tells me stop saying borrowing its your money to it also takes about 5 years to get settled together and that's it also also a man wants to feel important in the money thing to his way of thinking i am suppose to be the bread winner and she makes more its a male pride/ ego all you have to do is make him think some ideas are his and not yours and you can get him eating out of your hands

Answer 10

Both of you sit down and look at his pay and what he will be getting every pay period after taxes. See how much he can put out towards credit cards, car payment, and other things he has to pay on, then see what he can pay back to you each week with out leaving him completely empty. I would also suggest seeing a counceler who specializes in this typ of problems. They will give you suggestions after litening to what is going on in your marriage.