hi i'm an 18 yr old girl. when i was 16, i had a brief affair with a guy of 23. he was the first man to touch me...the only guy i've made love with. but it was a very volatile relationship...nothing came out of it...moreover it was clandestine. i don't know why but whenever i think back about that time the strongest emotions take me over. last week my elder sister announced that she intents to get married and her fiance is none other than my ex. i really can't take it. i don't love him anymore...but the whole thing gets to me and i feel i'll make a very stupid mistake soon. our families have been close since a long time but no one ever knew about our affair. my ex seems very cool about the way things are shaping up but i'm dying every day. what do i do? i don't wanna wreck my sister's happiness. but my own self gets destroyed each time i see them together. what do i do? why do i feel like this when my affair is a thing of the past. please advise...i feel like killing myself.
2007-06-30 23:42:27 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
you might want to tell your sister...even though it might be hard...don't you think if you were in her position she would want to know if her sister had a thing with her soon to be husband...i don't think you had an affair because that would mean that one of you was also seeing someone else at the time...
if you feel like killing yourself talk with someone, get help, killing yourself isn't going to solve the problem or your dilemna...it will just make it worse...especially don't let your feelings be bottled up inside...have you tried talking to him and seeing if he's told your sister yet?
if you want to talk just send me a message...i'll be glad to help...
2007-06-30 23:48:34 · answer #1 · answered by love&basketball07 2 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Unless he was married at the time, you didn't have an affair, you went around behind your parents back and had sex with a guy who took advantage of a 16yr old. Yes I understand your description is more romantic. That doesn't change the truth.
So here is my thought. Your sister is marrying a guy who molested a 16yr old. That's statutory rape in alot of states, and as a parent, I would have had his sorry behind tossed in jail. I think you need to tell your sister, but frankly I would tell your mom first. Its over and done with for you, but is this the kind of guy you want your sister to be with? This guy has taken advantage of you and your parents, and since he was sneaking around its pretty obvious that he knew he was doing something wrong.
You may have given consent, but consent requires that you fully understand the consequences of your actions and there is no way a 16yr old understands that completely. You screw around with another 16yr old or even an 18yr old and you are on a level playing field. But a guy who is 7years older than you are, and you are still a teen, he is completely responsible and the consequences are his.
Save your sister from this lowlife.
2007-07-01 01:58:56 · answer #2 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whatever happens, don't do something that you will regret in the future,.And don't do what is wrong. Do what is best for not only you, but for your family..Coz you know that it'll do no good. And you should know that you can't have a relationship with "him"..See the future in the brighter way! And try telling your sister too, so that there might be some problems after she get married, like finding out..
2007-06-30 23:56:57 · answer #3 · answered by ganaa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey you had sex with him get over it or come clean what ever you decide remember it will effect your sister's feelings more than yours, and you could be helping her not to make the biggest mistake of her life. he sounds like a loser. why would he get involved with your sister after having an affair with you. someone has to set some standards here. i think you need to tell your sister, and you'll see she'sa not in love like she thinks she is. when we discover the truth about people usually our whole outlook of them change. your sister maybe upset with you at first but in the end she'll be glad she told you. maybe you should have your mom tell her
2007-06-30 23:52:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I get your feeling, the disgust, wretched twisted emotion you are feeling down in the pit of your stomach. It's so wrong that how can it be right!
Don't kill yourself, just let them be, ignore him if you have to but let them be. Your sister is very happy that she has found her happiness, so it is up to you as a sister to ensure she has that. Focus on other things, e.g a new relationship and stuff.
Remember, do not turn your new relation with a boy into a bid for revenge.
2007-07-01 00:44:35 · answer #5 · answered by L Helinson 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think it is very natural to have strong feelings for your first. Whether you love him or not, I don't know. However, I think you just need to try and move on. Think of the things that did not work out between you two. Bc it was so secretive, things feel left undone. I would talk to him and encourage him to tell her. She needs to hear it from him. Do you think he would be a good husband? If so, then maybe things should be left unsaid. I feel for your situation, but you must move forward. I would even consider talking to a counselor.
2007-06-30 23:49:59 · answer #6 · answered by tired 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you had sex with him when you were 16, in the US that 's RAPE! I think this guy is trouble. If you he could do that to you, he may have been doing your sister along too. I would go to your parents and tell them. It'stoo important to worry about how embarrassed you'll be.
Killing yourself won't hurt him, he needs his... well I can't say here. But he would hurt something awful for weeks.
2007-07-01 00:33:45 · answer #7 · answered by Alterfemego 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you might want to talk to your ex and tell him to either tell your sis about this before it goes any further or you will it might hurt your sis now but better get this out so she can have her own thoughts about this before she marries him.He should be honest enough to be open about it with her, otherwise he is not and it bothers you it will eventually come out and then where will your sis be stuck with someone she can not trust.Good Luck!!
2007-06-30 23:52:11 · answer #8 · answered by peanutbulls 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Jillian, I think your sister should know.
You said you're afraid to wreck her happiness, but it'll be worst if she happens to know about this in the future.
Secrets will always come out, sooner or later.
If your sister and her man are truely in love, this thing will not break them.
Feel free to get in contact with me if you want to talk and throw out all your doubts.
2007-06-30 23:52:41 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Luck 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
in case the guy is good & will be good to your sister, then dont say any thing about the past and find yourself a boy friend can make you forget all about it, but if wasnt good person then you have to worn your sis
2007-06-30 23:51:01 · answer #10 · answered by Titoxy 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋