My Matron of Honor and I have been best friends for as long as I can remember (we are 1st cousins as well) but we are very different. Honestly, we are about as opposite as two people can get. I was her Maid of Honor is her wedding so it has always been assumed that she would be the Matron of Honor in mine. Well, now we live in different towns, we hardly ever talk anymore, she is pregnate with her first child (it will be born 6 months before my wedding) and she is totally uninterested in my wedding at all. She is not what you would call a very happy person. Every time I bring up anything about the wedding she totally does not respond or she changes the subject. I really haven't asked her to be my Matron of Honor, but like I said, it has always been implied and I was her Maid of Honor. But I am starting to not want her to be. I feel that my Matron/Maid of Honor should be excited for me and willing to help me plan or at least be a little interested. What should I do?
2007-06-30 17:23:22 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Also, everything that I have told her about the wedding so far she has had negative things to say about.
I do not want to hurt her feelings by not letting her be it, but part of me feel like she really doesnt want to be anyways.
2007-06-30 17:26:56 · update #1
I honestly do not want to ask her to be it. I know she is going to have a lot on her plate and I feel that I should get someone else who is able to help me more. My sister and I are really close and she calls me everyday to talk about the wedding and what she has found and ideas that she thought that I would like. My sister is who I would like to ask, but I do not want to hurt my cousins feelings.
2007-06-30 17:38:02 · update #2
yes, people tend have different priorities after they are married and have kids. :( this is still sad. you were there for her and you wish she showed the same happiness for you.
you mention that she is being negative or uninterested. those are not the kind of people that need to be "in charge" of anything. you are going to be very busy and the last thing you need is a debbie downer. I would still make her a bridesmaid, but not MOH! You need a happy and interested person, that is what you deserve. i hope all goes well for you.
2007-06-30 17:30:04 · answer #1 · answered by Christina V 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your friend may be feeling negative towards your wedding because her focus right now is on the baby and may feel that your talking about your plans is taking attention away from her and the baby. She may also not like being pregnant, physically because of the morning sickness and being uncomfortable, etc. so she's just being a bit more whiney than usual. Come right out and ask her what's going on.
As for your plans - I'd make your sister your MOH and explain to your cousin that you understand she has a lot going on now and that will continue all the way up to your wedding and past. So in consideration of that, you'd like her to still be a part of the wedding, either as a bridesmaid or some other way and let her decide if she still wants to be a part of your day. If she chooses to not be a member of the party do not be insulted (unless she gets b*tchy about it), she just has different priorities now that you may understand better in the future. Be delicate about it and just remember where her head is right now.
Good Luck!
2007-07-01 11:37:08 · answer #2 · answered by Cory C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that your original plan was to ask her to be the Matron of Honor and ask her if she wants to do it. If she doesn't, accept that and find someone else. At least let her know that she is first on your list and support her decision either way. Don't be hurt if she turns you down. Her life has changed in so many ways, and maybe there are reasons for her unhappiness. Be there for her if she needs to bare her soul, but also have a good time planning your wedding.
Edit - in response to your extra comments, just tell your cousin that you want to ask your sister instead. You're going to have to. But don't go into a schpiel defending your decision unless she asks why you didn't choose her. Even then just be polite, practical and confident about it. In the end, you can't plan your wedding to make someone else happy. It has to be what YOU want.
2007-07-01 00:33:53 · answer #3 · answered by Opal 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay, I think it sounds like you need to just talk to her, and tell her what's going on. Ask if she would be hurt if you asked someone else, because you know she has a lot on her plate with the baby coming and everything, plus she's a pretty good distance from where you are now.
I have a hunch she'd be okay with that, as long as it was explained in a nice way. ESPECIALLY since it's your sister you want to ask, I bet she'd be fine with it. It's perfectly reasonable to have your sister be your MOH. It may soften the blow (if there is one) to know that she will be replaced by someone even more deserving than she.
I do want to say, though, that until you get pregnant yourself, maybe you don't understand what is going on with her.
A pregnant woman is COMPLETELY consumed by the pregnancy and the upcoming birth and new addition to the family. If you can believe it, she's even more engrossed by this than you are by your wedding. 24/7, her body is making baby. 24/7 her subconscious is on the baby. EVERY aspect of her life is affected by the pregnancy. It dictates what size she wears, what she can and cannot eat, medication she can and cannot take. It effects how long it takes her to get out of a chair, or how long she has to stay in bed before getting up in the morning in an effort to try not to throw up. It effects the position she can sleep in, or even if she's able to sleep at all. Every single tiny thing in her life is effected by what is going on with her.
You are excited about your special day, and yes, she should be for you (and I would bet if you both really thought about it, you'd realize she is), but the all-consuming pregnancy can keep a woman from being able to think about anything else, even her best friend's wedding.
I've been a pregnant bridesmaid twice, and a pregnant honorary bridesmaid once. I remember virtually nothing about those days. It's just dang near impossible to focus on other things when you're pregnant.
Now, you do deserve to have a maid of honor who WANTS to be your maid of honor, and for that reason, I do think you should just ask if she would be hurt if you asked someone else who is closer and who would be able to devote the time and energy to help you prepare for your wedding day. I just wanted to try to give you a glimpse of where she's probably coming from.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
2007-07-01 02:27:55 · answer #4 · answered by CrazyChick 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Remember that being her Maid of Honor does not require you to ask her in return. If I were you, I would ask her to be a bridesmaid have have a different honor attendant. If she asks why, tell her it is because she will have a 6 month old child at the time of the wedding and you don't want her to have to worry about fulfilling her honor duties while trying to adjust to having a new baby.
2007-07-01 04:27:56 · answer #5 · answered by Esma 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it is very reasonable to ask your sister instead, if she gets angry you could always just tell her that you didn't want to impose on her and that your sister was very interested in it and you wouldn't want to hurt her. It sounds to me however, like she may not want to do it anyway. She almost sounds jealous. Maybe, she is having self-esteem problems bc of the changes in her body over the pregnancy. Hormones could also be getting the best of her, but basically you need someone who is going to be there for you and be interested and happy for your special day. You might be doing her a favor by not adding to her stress. Even if that is not the case, that might be the best way to put it to her. There is no reason she couldn't be a bridesmaid (which would be a lot less work), but leave the choice totally up to her and let your sister be there for you. Congrats.
2007-07-01 01:03:19 · answer #6 · answered by tired 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being attendants doesn't have to be reciprocal - people realize that. You wanting your MOH to be interested is fine, but not all brides ask attendants to help with wedding planning, etc. - which in her case will be tough because she'll have a small baby. Choose someone you feel close to in your heart, not for what they can do for you....
2007-07-01 06:15:18 · answer #7 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i suggest speaking to her about this a formally asking her to be your marton of honor, inform her that if she feels like she has to much going on that you would still like to have her in your wedding but would like someone with more free time to be your matron/maid of honor. be very polite in doing so. she just may thank you for understanding she may not have very much free time.
2007-07-01 00:29:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Set her down and tell her like it is.
Tell her you have always wanted her to be your MOH but does she feel up to it....you want and need her help...
At that time she will tell you Ra or Na...you have done your part..
Then start planning for the big day.
Good Luck & Best Wishes In All The Years Ahead â¥
2007-07-01 00:36:01 · answer #9 · answered by Mustbe 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just come right out and ask her. Then see how she acts after that. i fshes not willing or wanting to be your maid of honor youll need to find someone else.
2007-07-01 00:28:13 · answer #10 · answered by snowlady 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋