How do you handle bad memories coming to your mind?

Question

I keep remembering bad memories. One in particular is when my ex-husband and I were fighting and my daughter who is 14 started crying.

I feel so sad when I think of her sobbing and in so much pain.

Now, my ex-husband leaves me aboutt 5 messages every other day saying that she needs help and support.

He has sole physical and legal custody. I live in another state.

I wish that there was a way I could make it up to my child. I hope and pray constantly that she comes out okay. She will always have my love even though she may not realize it.

I just really hate myself and wish that I could die sometimes.

Answer 1

If you are separated from her and your ex has custody then you know he has poisoned her against you to some degree. All you can do right now is keep in touch with her, by phone and letters, and let her know you are there for her. Keep a slow steady presence in her life and she will learn that you are someone she can count on. It may not happen for awhile but eventually she will come around because no matter what she is told, there you will be, offering her support. Let her know you love her. Remind her you always are there for her. As long as she knows you care you have a shot at a relationship with her. She will one day be grown and it would be nice for you to be able to have a relationship, which she will be able to control once she is older. She can't do too much now, but your love could make all the difference to her now. Teenage years are so tumultuous. Stay involved and non-judgemental of her dad. Eventually your love will win her over. When you feel sad and down onyourself remember that the future could be wonderful with her someday, so please don't lose hope. I spent the first 18 years not raising my twin girls and today at age 25 we have a wonderful relationship, they call me 2-3 times a week! Take it from me, it can still work out for you, but you have to be the bigger person and make yourself into someone she would WANT to know. Good luck, I will pray for your success.

Answer 2

That's a pretty bad memory to have, and I think it will always be with you as long as your ex keeps calling you 5 times a day. What is with that guy? If he has sole custody of your child, I don't see why he pesters you. He seems like a low life. If he's so worried that she needs help and support, he should make sure she has it.

Don't hate yourself and don't wish you could die. Stay alive for the kid.

Answer 3

The only way to feel better is to try to talk you your daughter. If she doesn't want to speak to you one on one then have a neutral person there with you. Placing blame gets you nowhere and only eats you up.
If you are thinking about killing yourself or have tried then you need to seek professional help. There are people out there that can help you through this.
If you truly love your daughter then you need to speak with her. I don't know the situation and what your argument was about, but you need to reach out to her. You also need to tell you ex to stop calling so much, because it is not going to help you. If your daughter needs help then the you and your ex need to be apart of that. I know you live farther away from her, but when it is possible you need to make time for her.
You could try family counseling.

Answer 4

You sound like my Mother. If your child needs your love and support, you need to give it to her, even if you have to make sacrifices in order to do so. That is what a good mother does. Motherhood is a selfless job, but so important. You need to put your issues aside and stop feeling sorry for yourself, sometimes your child is going to take priority over your social life, wants, needs, etc. It not always easy, but commiting suicide is a selfish, coldhearted, ignorant thing to do. It sounds to me like you need to grow up. I'm sorry if I have hurt your feelings, that wasn't my intention. But I think you needed to hear that.