I LOVE my children the same. They are 7 years old and infant. I adore them both. But my daughter is so FULL of drama and is SO socially minded. I am a homebody and value 'easy' relationships. My son is 8 days old and I didn't realize until now, just how high matainence my daughter is. I adore my daughter, she is the apple of my eye and we are VERY close. But with my son, who is a newborn, I just feel relaxed. My mom says that he is the same 'type' of baby that I was... just calm and relaxed.... My daughter just came out screaming and has been demanding since day one.. everything was so dramatic, from her newborn bathes, to crying until she couldn't breathe... I love them the same. I adore them both.. but I feel more calm around my son, like we are 'soul matches'... does this make sense? Or is this just hormonesf from pregnancy and labor left over?
2007-06-30 16:31:36 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I look at my seven year old and think 'man, I am so blessed that she is my daughter, or I would have never met her and would have really missed out.' She is just not the type person that I would make friends with.. she is so 'preppie'. Am I wrong to feel these things?
2007-06-30 16:33:18 · update #1
My first born was such an easy baby. My second was very high maintainence. My son, the eldest, has always been a very laid back guy. My daughter has always been very independent and a fighter. But now they are grown and I admire her so much. She knows who she is and while a very caring person no one pushes her around. She was a handful as a child but she's really cool!!! So of course you feel closer to the easy one when they're small. I used to like it when my daughter was feeling ill because it was the only time she liked to be cuddled!!! Your daughter sounds remarkably like mine was. Someday she might rule the world!! Keep on her good side.
I love all of my children the same amount but in different ways and for different reasons- after all, they are different people.
2007-06-30 16:48:15 · answer #1 · answered by cece0312usa 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It isn't unusual for parents to feel more connected with one child than another. It could also be hormones though. As long as you honestly love both of your children and you don't play favorites, there is nothing wrong with it. It is impossible to care for 2 people exactly the same. Perhaps you will find that you have much in common with your son, but that he will also be really good at pushing your buttons because he is so much like you. You may have a bit harder time understanding where your daughter is coming from because she's so different, but her different way of looking at the world may open things up to you that you've not thought about before.
Don't worry about treating your kids the same, they are different people, love them and treat them equally, but love them for who they are and let yourself develop a unique relationship with each.
2007-06-30 23:39:42 · answer #2 · answered by Charlene 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I totally get what you are talking about my daughter is very dramatic and demanding and she has alway been that way (she's six) It seems like we don't get along at all we fight about things and don't have very much in common but I love her more than anything in the world she has changed my life and inspired me so much. But some days it is so hard to connect with her. On the other hand I have a three year old son and a new baby and my attachment to them seems so different they are much calmer like me. I do think it is a personality thing because my husband gets along just fine with our daughter but wonders why his son would prefer to spend time with me. But anyway it doesn't change the amount of love we have for each of them does it. Congrats on the baby and good luck!!!
2007-06-30 23:53:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Stop finding what makes you different and find something unique that you and your daughter can share. Newborns have this honeymoon stage, so expect that might change. IF it is only day 8 and you look at your daughter this way, then you have got to work on it now before it destroys things, cause when you get really angry, you might just say how you really feel and who knows how that will effect her and your relationship.
2007-07-01 00:39:39 · answer #4 · answered by nanners454 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Recently I had to leave my 3 year old with her grandparents, while I took a trip with my 14 month old son to help my mother out. During that time, my son and I bonded like never before. Now I feel bad because my daughter and I bonded slightly after her father went on deployment for 6 months, but it took longer than my son and I and never as strong. I love my daughter so much, but her personality was always more independent and distant!
2007-07-01 03:51:26 · answer #5 · answered by Sunshine Swirl 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
no, i definately think that personality has a lot to do with it... also, from a parental point of view, you notice levels of difficulty-- my daughter and I butt heads all the time, and it is NOT BC I DONT LOVE HER... she is VERY special to me... she was my first and my girl and... well, you know, but i didn't realize until after i had my son of how difficult she is... my son is so laid back adn easy to dicipline and you know.... but the difference between you and i is that my daughter's personality is just like mine... we are strong willed adn she struggles for power... but that will probably make her more successful later in life b/c the strong willed independent children typically grow up to be our most successful citizens b/c they don't just go w/ the flow! Also, though, along with personality, i certainly think age has a lot to do w/ it too!!!
2007-06-30 23:40:11 · answer #6 · answered by tiyona17 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm guessing it's not personality match. Your son is only 8 days old! How much could you possibly know about his personality. I'm sure your hormones are just in tune with the vast differences between a 7 year old and a newborn. Don't dwell on it!
2007-06-30 23:37:00 · answer #7 · answered by mezcla.de.moras 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you just feel that way because your son doesnt require as much of attention as she does. He will be just as big of a handful when he gets older and starts getting into things and wanting things. I think its normal what you are feeling and I understand when you say that you adore them both. Goodluck to you and congratulations on the new baby!!
2007-06-30 23:35:32 · answer #8 · answered by cutenwild1769 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I feal the same way about my kids and i feal so guilty about it! My daughter 7 is so much like me we bump heads all day dont get me wrong i cant imagine my life without her but she tests me 24/7. My son is so laid back and carefree he was born on my b-day he's 6. I think us sharing a b-day made us closer also
2007-07-01 00:54:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's natural to feel more relaxed with you second one, but you should NEVER prefer one child over the other.
My father and his 5 siblings wrote an "I remember Mama" book because so few of the grandkids had known her. While putting it together, they realized that each one thought he or she was Mama's favorite! That was always my goal with my three.
2007-06-30 23:39:25 · answer #10 · answered by Patsy A 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋