We are planning a budget wedding (5k) and I'm not the least bit ashamed of it. Our families are split between Ohio and Texas and we are having the wedding in Ohio, the grooms hometown. First my family gripes because they can't afford to travel to Ohio. I know they can, but fine. We send out invites for a post-wedding reception in Texas for those that couldn't travel where a wedding video will be shown. Very informal at my grandpa's farm where my mom was married. Everybody accepts.
We can't afford to cater two receptions so the second informal reception is going to be potluck. When half my family found out it wasn't catered they have announced they won't attend since HTB's family got free food and it wasn't fair. The first reception will be getting very simple, cheap food, most homeade.
I wanted to vent and see if anybody else has a smiliar situation.
2007-06-30 14:40:13 · 18 answers · asked by pspoptart 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
He has 50 close family in Ohio as opposed to my measly 15. (I actually have like 30 but they are spread out and would be traveling either way) That is why it's in Ohio.
My grandpa is providing three briskets as a gift so all we are asking them to bring is side dishes.
2007-06-30 15:21:42 · update #1
Sorry to be rude but your family is acting like A-S-S-E-S. Why can't they just come and enjoy the day with you and your new husband? Give me a break.
I am sorry they are ruining your day at your grandfather's farm. Just do it without them.
And no, I have not had a similar situation. Even my lousy family wouldn't say things like that out loud. They would talk behind my back like civilized people. LOL
2007-06-30 15:57:59 · answer #1 · answered by Patti C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in the same boat in a way. My soon to be hubby and I are from two different towns (in Texas) and we are having it in my home town because I will have more people attending then him. Now his family is saying that it is not fair. Not to be mean, but they will just have to deal with it. I have 80 people coming and he is 15.
Things are never going to be fair to everyone. Its your day and dont worry about pleasing everyone. If your family does not want to be there to celebrate with you at your post-wedding reception then it is their lose and they will regret it later. In the end, the ones that you really want to be there are the ones that will attend. Enjoy it with the people who show up and have a great time.
I also think that you are very smart to not go out and blow all your money on a expensive wedding. Ours in about 5k also and I honestly can not see spending anymore then that.
Congratulations and don't let anyone bring you down.
2007-06-30 16:24:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't take it personally. I think its incredibly thoughtful that you are trying to include your family in a second reception. If people are actually tacky enough to say things like that to your face then breezily state (without letting them know how much they are hurting you) that you'll be sorry to miss seeing them there at this celebratory FAMILY GATHERING and you were looking forward to showing the wedding video and having a nice visit.
I understand how you feel. Part of my family is not coming bc of a family situation. While it hurts, at the same time I feel sorry for them that their bitterness and shallow pride stands in the way of them coming to visit and celebrate with the rest of the family.
This is a happy time, and people get weird around weddings. Focus on you and your new hubby and stay positive. Perhaps these people will come around. If not, you'll probably have a better time w/out them
Congrats and good luck!
2007-06-30 15:47:24 · answer #3 · answered by Kati B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Isn't it sad how people can be? I would be more then happy to bring a dish and come see you and your hubby and the wedding video. Times are changing and not everyone can afford the big wedding of the past with 5 or6 bridesmaids and all. If those people cannot understand, then well, so be it. Fair? I wish people would stop and think. This is your wedding and time to be in the spot light. You are doing a great job, and doing what you can afford. I am sorry for the people who won't see what a beutiful bride you were.
{will be, you know what I mean} Best wishes to you.
2007-06-30 14:59:33 · answer #4 · answered by non o u biznis 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Wow, that is so insensitive, mean really. I feel for you. A wedding and ceremony is to celebrate one of the most important decisions of your life by having family and friends gather to give you their blessing and good wishes for a happy union. And to do it on a budget shows that you are thinking responsibly about your future, the marriage not the wedding, instead of trying to impress with money that could go for more practical things. Sorry but those in your family who are being petty over what food is being served at a reception given to allow them to participate in your big day, really don't deserve any of your hospitality. I hate it for you though. Just take the high road and don't gossip about them or even address it with them. Maybe you being a class act through it all will help them to grow up. Congratulations and best wishes.
2007-06-30 14:51:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Ugh! One is the ACTUAL wedding. The second is a get-together for those unwilling or unable to travel. I hate when grown adults whine over stupid things. Life isn't fair. Now what you could do is invite the Texas people to the "real" reception AND the get together afterward. So then they had their chance for the "free" food. Having the second party is just for THEIR convenience - not yours. ANd families do pot-luck parties at each others houses ALL THE TIME.
2007-06-30 15:00:00 · answer #6 · answered by Proud Momma 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Hmm, maybe they had a problem with how it was approached or presented to them. Make it seem as though Grandpa or Mom are throwing the party for you as a conveniece to them-a "oh since everyone can't make it party we thought it would be nice to do this" party.
Then have the usual invites. Afterwards I would make phone calls (have your mom or dad do this) and ask them to bring their favorite dish, the one they normally bring to picnics and parties.
Your problem might have been calling it a reception.
2007-07-01 18:16:51 · answer #7 · answered by newjerseygirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i really do not see why they are so upset. it sounds like you are planning a special event just for them and they are not happy with it. they are the ones not shelling out some cash to come see you, but expect you to cater "expensive" food to theirs? that really doesn't make sense to me. i think they are mad about something else besides the food and i would see if someone is mad at someone's mom, grandma, drama thing.
none of our guests were like OMG we have to drive across the country. one of my bet friends flew from texas :) my grandparents and aunt came from new england and two other friends came from D.C. i think people can find a way to save money, they just use it as an excuse.
if i was you, i would cancel the second event and make the first one "better". if they aren't going to appreciate your effort, spend the extra cash on a cooler cake or something.
2007-06-30 18:23:19 · answer #8 · answered by Christina V 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah - everybody has family issues. Congratulations on your marriage and congrats to you for not falling into the mega weeding trap. They'll get over it in time. Some people just need something to gripe about. You are handy at the moment.
The best reception I ever went to was a barbeque picnic with frisbees, water pistols and sack races. It's yours, do what you want.
2007-06-30 14:49:20 · answer #9 · answered by ? 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Hon, you have NO reason to be ashamed of your plans, but you can't control people's reactions. But let YOUR reaction in turn be the mature one. Those who WANT to be there and support you will come, and those are the people you will be HAPPY to host.
However, it IS unusual not to have the wedding in the bride's hometown - people just probably got caught out of their comfort zone on this one...
Good luck with everything!
2007-06-30 15:05:40 · answer #10 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋