With out puttin to much detail into it I was abused by my father for 16 years when i turned 16 i finally got the courage to tell someone my whole family turned against me I had to face him in court without any support from my mother the judge gave him 8 years in prison he just got out and my mother wants me to forgive him well i cant i am afraid to face him i am 25 now and still have nightmares this man ruin my life i got heavy into drugs and achol to try to push the pain away well i have been clan now for 7 years but my question is should i forgive him is it ok for me still to hate him
2007-06-30 14:33:21 · 12 answers · asked by sara24 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Something similar happened to me. Most families believe in loyalty and often show extreme tolerance to the offending father. My family has always been in denial over the abuse, and most of us kids are really messed up in our family lifes as a result. I really believe it is never too late to have a happy childhood, but it does require taking some solid steps to keep the abuse from ruining you life. The first step is honesty, admit with what happened. The second step is accommodation, learn how to deal with the bad feelings. I hope that is some help to you.
2007-06-30 14:36:11 · answer #1 · answered by Steve C 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't blame you for hating him if he intentionally abused you. The thing is that you have to realize the kind of damage he did to you was probably brought about by something that happened to him. It's up to you to make sure that you act as the fireblock to keep it from being passed on to other generations. Just as his childhood was no excuse for what he did, you can't blame him for any abusive behaviors or fears that you put on your kids.
That being said, maybe you can understand why he did whatever it was he did...that doesn't mean you have to forgive him for it or quit hating him. Still, hating someone really takes a lot of energy and lowers the quality of your life. If it was me, I THINK I might forgive...but it would be at a distance. I really don't think anyone else can make the choice for you and I think it is WAY out of line for your mom to ask you to forgive him. If it's going to happen at all, it has to be on your terms and when you are ready. I think your mom is hoping that everyone can go back to "the way it was" and that just isn't going to happen.
Good luck!
2007-07-01 00:25:48 · answer #2 · answered by J D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man have to pay for his sin, you are his biological daughter, no matter how you phrase it, he is your father. I understand the pain and the suffering you have to go thru, life had been unfair to you. In our life, we must learn to forgive other, however forgiving does not mean giving in or going back to normality. There stand the scar of the past, it is diffcult to forget.
You can acknowledge him as your father, forgive him as god forgive us, but it is not neccessary for you to go back or do anything further for them, nor do you take any more flavor from them. Sad it might be, but a mistake is a mistake, and this is a huge mistake he made. Hope that he is fully repented and live his life to gracefulness, till then, God will forgive him.
In meantime, you live your wonderful life and enjoy all you can, hate should no longer exist within you and him, instead be stay calm and live on. Be smart, steady and easy going, helps those needed ones, you will be blessed.
2007-06-30 22:54:58 · answer #3 · answered by butterfly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! Im sorry to hear that. Yes you should forgive him. But it wasn't right for your mom to ask you that or not be on your side as a parent. Im glad he sereved his time though and its good your clean!! =) But anyway If you believe in God you should. But that doesnt mean you have to trust him or be around him. Just forgive what he did to you. And If your still having all those nightmares I suggest forgiving him so you can move on with life. But I wou;d also suggest not being in his life. I hope everything works out for you! Good luck and be careful!
2007-06-30 21:39:48 · answer #4 · answered by I can only be me 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi.. do you believe that " To forgive is to forget?". I guess you'll have to forgive your dad for you to move on. I think that's why you still have nightmares until now because you still bear the grudge, pain and sufferings that you're father instilled in you. Putting you're life out of line is unfair for you. You should move on and have fun. You can start fresh. Always remember that there are millions out there that are abused too and were able to move out of their respective dark past. Just like them, I also believe that you can do it too.
Just forgive me for your advantage i know in time all he did to you will backfire and will leave your dad realize what he did to you was evil. Sarah you can do it!
2007-06-30 21:41:42 · answer #5 · answered by Mitch 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
u should forgive him in ur herart bc carrying this burden of hate will only haunt you. if u forgive u can release the hate and move on. but i dont thik u need to face him in order to forgive. try to get into counseling so you can regularly discuss your feelings and eventually put this all behind you.
2007-06-30 21:41:01 · answer #6 · answered by spadezgurl22 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes you have to try to forgive him. The bible says God forgives us as we forgive others. You don't have to meet him face to face if you don't want to. But you do have to try to forgive him. Just like one of those top contributers said, pray and ask God to help you forgive him.
2007-07-01 00:13:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
today here is sunday, i am listening for a Godly Songs/praisin songs,,, for me huh, why not give ur father a second chance? i mean why not forgive him one last chance?? we wouldnt know, he is just waiting for u to forgive him.. remember that God always forgive Us in our sins right? i think the best thing to do now is to forgive him.... follow ur mother..:)
GodBless~
2007-06-30 21:49:34 · answer #8 · answered by malagu 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well you can forgive him if he's truly sorry but it's up to you not your family cause you're the one who had to endure this pain so you should be the one to decide how to deal with this
2007-06-30 21:43:01 · answer #9 · answered by love doctor 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you don't have to and yes, it's okay. Such people are not entitled to forgiveness, and [I] am not required to un-hate someone who has wronged me.
2007-06-30 21:46:30 · answer #10 · answered by Sgt Pepper 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋