i am going to BLOW UP!!!!!!! HELP? My wife is emotionally abused by her mom!!!!?

Question

I will no longer stand by and watch them emotionally abuse their daughter.

recently we just had our third child. Her parents would always stay at our home in the past, but due to limited space we have now decided that both sets of parents will now stay at hotels if they choose to visit.

Her mother replied in email-below-

Couldn’t sleep until I wrote this. Let us know what you would like for us to do, we would love to come as planned but understand if not ok. You are the one dealing with everything not us , hopefully you will be able to come in August as you said. I can’t speak for your father.but, sure our feelings are hurt and we will get over it , oops I just typed we! We just want you to know that we are always here for you and the kids no matter what ,I apologize if I upset you, I kind of feel like I have to watch what I say and do with all of you anymore (sister-too) . I was hoping we were past all this.Let us know how not to cause any more heartache for you both-END

Answer 1

independence and self control = looks like your doing good so far. Seperation would help.

Answer 2

Well, isn't that lovely!

The question is really whether your wife can let it go or not. My advice would certainly be to reply politely, but not to change anything. My understanding is that you already told her what you would like them to do - come visit, but stay at a hotel. She doesn't like the change and the lack of attention paid to herself, but she will live Which is fine, if your wife can manage not to give in.

I know how you feel. My husband is emotionally abused by his father, and it makes me angrier than almost anything else. After 15 years of marriage, however, I have come to understand that I can support him and give advice. But I cannot change his parents or him. Any more than his parents can change me.

What you have here is a classic control loss guilt trip. Maddening. You should both try not to rise to the bait.

I wish both of you the best. And congratulations on your new arrival!

Answer 3

You should definitely say something. Some children can't cut the cord, and some parents refuse to give it up. There was nothing out of line in telling them they need to stay in a hotel, and either they respect that or they don't come over at all. Speak up for your wife. I would if it were my husband's parents and he wouldn't buck up and grow the balls to tell them what we expect.

Answer 4

Don't take heed to the layer of hatred.The sharp remarks and poison darts will start falling without touching you. Send a thank-you card stating"Bless you and thank you for understanding". luv always! (then just sign your names).If you react in a negative way to her ugly remarks...she'll know that she has pushed your buttons...and that's all she ever wanted anyway. There is no need to carry on generational curses, someone has to stop the madness or the problem can spread to your children. Stay positive!

Answer 5

Sounds like every other parent who no longer has the upper hand when it comes to their children. Take it with a grain of salt and do not give in. You are both adults now and do not have to appease anyone.

Answer 6

it sounds sincere. i read your previos question, and it is probably really annoying, irritating and you probably cant stand it. take a step back and some deep breaths.

it really isn't that important in the "big picture". it may be hard, but it is best to just try and blow it off. if you make a move, it will only cause more problems and sadness. think before you do something. just try and forget about it. good luck, i hope things workout.

Answer 7

I see NO emotional abuse in this email. According to your previous posts, your mother in law is very close to her children because of HER childhood abuse. If I would have been fortunate enough to have my parents here (they are deceased) when my son was born, I would have slept outside on the grass in order to have them in my home. Could it be you don't want them there because you don't want them to see you watching porn (previous post). Hope the Adderal is working well for you!