I previously asked a question regarding my fiance's mother's comment of "you don't need a big wedding, your brother only had 2 people at his".
Everyone took it as she is going to pay for it and I was then told I need to pay for my own wedding.
We're not going into debt over a wedding, but if my mom is helping out (poor).. why can't his parents help out (rich)? For a decent ceremony?
2007-06-30 13:16:20 · 17 answers · asked by PlasticTrees 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
My fiance and I wanted to do this traditionally, his side pay for rehearsal dinner and honeymoon... and my family pay for the rest.
2007-06-30 13:25:25 · update #1
The groom's family is never on the hook financially for a wedding. If they want to pay for it they are more than welcome to. It's not a matter of who makes what but more of who wants to contribute. As adults choosing to make this step in your relationship, no one has to contribute anything to the costs especially not if they aren't in a financial position to do so. But if they decide they don't want to then there is no changing that and you can feel however you want about it but that won't change the fact that they don't have to morally, legally, ethically or according to good etiquette.
2007-06-30 13:23:32 · answer #1 · answered by indydst8 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It's not shameful, but a matter of getting with the times.
The old "tradition" of parents splitting up costs comes from the olden days when a girl left right from her father's home to her husband's home - that is RARE these days!
A mature, independent couple should be paying for their own wedding, and plan for the number and guests and style of wedding that they themselves can afford.
The 'decent ceremony' isn't what costs the big bucks, it's how you plan the reception, etc. The 'getting married' part need only be a few hundred dollars!
2007-06-30 21:39:35 · answer #2 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because if the parents do not volunteer, you cannot pressure them or force them to help out.
Define "decent" for us, please. Decent does not have to mean costly. You can wed in a big, costly ceremony, but another couple is just as married if they go to the courthouse and wed inexpensively there.
If the parents do volunteer money, then you have to take their wishes regarding the wedding into account. They may have wishes about the number of guests, or the type of food served, or the music or the flowers. If you and fiance pay for the wedding yourselves, you avoid all that. If you pay for it, then you can have things the way you want them.
2007-06-30 20:26:42 · answer #3 · answered by Suz123 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
why not get your parents and his parents together and with yourselves go out for a meal together.
let the main course go through before mentioning anything about the wedding and then get the conversation out of the way.
this way I dont think its cheeky. Just get out your list in what needs to be done and ask around if anyone can contribute or at least help out with something.
Dont mention everything as would be cheeky, just tell everyone that you want this to be great and even if its suggestions such as helping out making a buffet rather than forking our hundreds of pounds for a professional buffet.
If you want the best and everythign very professional, id go and see if you can geta bank loan. small is nice and any suggestions that are made, dont turn your head as yuo sound you need their help- even if smallest things
2007-07-04 09:29:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
People stay "rich" by being penny pinchers and taking advantage of others, not in all instances, but in enough of my own personal situations where I feel it happens rather frequently. However, it is tradition for the bride's family to pay for most of the expenses.
If your family pays, then at least you have executive control over the situation....there is a plus. In addition, you don't want people holding the money over your head for the rest of eternity. Mixing money and family is bad. I say elope!
2007-07-01 00:25:17 · answer #5 · answered by kelly m 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a mother of three daughters and a wedding coordinator for many years I can tell you that if my girls are old enough to get married, they are old enought to pay for it themselves along with the fiance!
Women as a whole have been trying to get out of the mold of being less than equal with their male counterparts, how the hell can we do this if we are having to "pay" to be able to get married? All weddings should be paid for by both bride and groom in equal parts.
Leave the parents out of it, and grow up.
2007-07-01 02:30:19 · answer #6 · answered by Needavaca 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The cost of the wedding in western cultures is traditionally the bride's dowry. Paid by her parents. ~
In Asian and some African countries the groom pays the bride's parents with some livestock. Goats, cows, pigs, horses. Whatever...
2007-06-30 20:24:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Traditionally, the bride's family pays for the wedding. It's the evolution of the dowry.
2007-06-30 20:24:36 · answer #8 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its not shameful, but it is awfully presumptuous. Its not anyone respeonsibility to pay for your wedding except yours and your fiance's. This is not 1950, girls dont go from their fathers house to their husbands, we are educated, employed and stable and alot older than 18, thusly we are self-sustaining and can afford to pay our own way. I kind of think its a bit pathetic that people want all this independence in their day to day life, but when it comes to weddings they expect times to revert and their moms and dads to pay for it. You cant have it both ways.
2007-06-30 20:38:58 · answer #9 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I guess because she is a traditionalist which means that the grooms parents pay only for the rehearsal dinner.
2007-06-30 20:23:31 · answer #10 · answered by barthebear 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋