HELP!
My wife and I have been married for 5 years... I am from the north where we are 'straight to the point" and clear cut. well my wife is from the south and things are done a little differently, much more talking and "beating around the bush"
her mother always seems to not like "our" simple and clear decision making
Her mother was emotionally and physically abuse as a child and has had been disappointed by nearly everyone in her life. She holds her children very near to her heart. Whenever her children would make any choices of their own her mother uses guilt and manipulation to make them feel bad.
Recently, My wife and I have made the decision to have both sets of parents stay at hotels when they visit.(as before her parents would stay with us) due to having LIMITED space(just had our 3rd child, and have small housing) . Her parents are asking "why we are punishing them? what they did so wrong? how hurt they are and how upset we have made them." grr .HOW DO WE STOP THIS?
2007-06-30 12:48:10 · 5 answers · asked by hmmm123 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You can't change the way her mother thinks Tell them that you would never punish them and they definitely didn't do anything wrong. Just tell them you love them and it's wonderful when the come to visit, but with your limited space you want everyone to be comfortable.
2007-06-30 12:57:40 · answer #1 · answered by LAL 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I realise what you are saying about the pattern of manipulating your decision-making, but for this particular thing, maybe if your relatives are prepared to put up with being squashed in and not spreading their things about, then perhaps you should live with it for short visits. Come on, they are your family. There are heaps of places in the world where bigger families than yours live in one room. I know that does not mean you should have to, but maybe you could give them the choice on this particular thing - comfortable hotel or more space restrictions if they stay with you. I can see where they are coming from - some people are okay with that, others would feel like you are treating them like visitors not family. You have said she holds her kids very near to her heart, so maybe that is partly why she feels unhappy as she feels distanced when she visits and that these visits are an imposition. If you insist on it, and it is your choice and I am not trying to have a go at you, maybe you can tell them it is just for sleeping and come back for breakfast and stay until bedtime. Or, maybe one or two of the kids might like to stay at the motel for a night with grandparents. Or, maybe you can visit them a bit more. Good luck.
2007-06-30 20:12:39 · answer #2 · answered by Max 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this illness is called manipulation. the only way to stop it is by sticking to your guns. everyone gets their feelings hurt now and then. it's life. you can't make everyone happy all the time. if your folks are staying at a hotel, hers should to. i know it's easier said than done but tell them you aren't going to discuss it any further. the more they talk about it the closer you get to giving in.
2007-06-30 19:58:40 · answer #3 · answered by racer 51 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let grandparents stay in the house with the kids and you and wife go stay at the motel. As a grandparent, I would LOVE that. As a husband, I would like to spend the night at motel with my wife.
2007-06-30 20:20:10 · answer #4 · answered by old beatnik 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just explain to them that its more comfortable to both parts that hotels are more effecient. If you're paying for it, she should have no problems with it. Maybe she just wants to be close to you guys. Talk it out with her and see if you can comprimise.
2007-06-30 19:53:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋