(My dad died a couple years ago, that's why I'm saying just from my mom).
We want to get engaged by the end of the year and get married a year or so after that. We've already discussed the rings, wedding, kids, finances, living arrangements, etc. We know we're ready for the commitment; it's just down to one thing... Asking my mom... I know she'll say yes, but I think it would still be a really nice, polite, and respectful thing for him to do (and she'll really appreciate it). But he has no idea how to go about bringing up the topic to my mom, where to do it, etc.
How did you (or your boyfriend) ask for the "blessing"? How long before the proposal? Should he buy the ring first and show it to her (show off the rock and also to show that he's really serious)?
[We've been together over 3 years, after being best friends for almost 6 years. We know we're meant for each other. That is not part of the question, so no lectures about being too young please. Just answer the question at hand.]
2007-06-30 11:46:34 · 14 answers · asked by chica_zarca 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I have a younger sister (18) and she is very happy for us and is very supportive. When he asks for the blessing, should he ask my mom with my sister there? Or should he pull her aside alone and ask just her (without my sister there)?
I kind of think it would be more comfortable for both of them to have her there, but I'm not sure if that would be the most appropriate... My entire family is really just my mom and sister, so it's almost like asking the whole family at once.
2007-06-30 11:46:42 · update #1
It's not really nerves per se, he just wants to make sure he does it right. My mom is kind of intimidating... Think "Meet the Parents" --Yea, my mom will be like the dad lol! Maybe not quite as severe, but still.
2007-06-30 11:58:19 · update #2
FYI: I know the tradition is to ask the father (a lot of people seemed to mention that), but since he's gone, I figured my mom was the next best option since she's kinda old-fashioned. I know she'd appreciate the traditionalness.
Anyway, I have to pick a best answer now, but since I can't pick more than one, I still wanted to give some honorable mention to the answers I liked...
-"The Queen Has Spoken" - Good idea, thanks!
-"Pattie C" - That could work, I hadn't thought about doing it together. I'll talk to him [my bf] about it and see what he says.
-"BayouBengalBeliever" - Thanks for the advice!
-"Slick" - I liked the way you did it! That was nice!
"Old lady" - I LOVE your idea [with the fake ring and asking her to be his mother-in-law]! I don't know if MY mom go for it, but somebody's mom will. Very clever!
"Linda B" - Thanks!
Thanks for the "good luck wishes" from all!
If anyone else has ideas (about places, how to word it, etc) feel free to leave them as a comment. Thanks!!
2007-07-05 17:19:25 · update #3
If you've been together 3 years, I'm sure your mum has gotten to know your intended somewhat. I don't see why your sister has to be in on the discussion either. This a man asking for a woman's hand in marriage.
He should present his intentions to her , maybe as he's helping her with the dishes one night and ask her for her blessing of the impending engagement and marriage.
Something like your daughter and I have been dating three years and I've come to love her and appreciate for her------ then whatever good qualities he thinks you possess. I cannot imagine going on in the world without her by my side. I want to be able to give her whatever he and you have discussed and hope that you will give us your blessing on our engagement and marriage. He might add a thank you to her and your late father for raising such an incredible woman as you as well.
Good luck, I bet your mum suspects this is going to happen anyway.
2007-06-30 13:01:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You and your bf take your mom and sister out to dinner. While at dinner, your bf can say that you and he want to be married and that you (both) would love to have her blessing. That way your sister will be included and if your mom has any questions you both can answer them.
If your mom is intimidating, I wouldn't show her the ring right then. Wait until you have her blessing and then either show it another day or wait to shop for it until later.
You both sound as if you really have it together. I wish I had when I married young.
2007-06-30 12:24:44 · answer #2 · answered by Patti C 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
with the exception of 4 ppl at this time, you have a lot of good advice. Just let him tell her his feelings and intentions in a way that is most comfortable, and go for it. What's the worst that can happen? I think including your sister is sweet too. Good Luck
Blessed Be
2007-07-05 10:27:24 · answer #3 · answered by Linda B 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is soooooo sweet!
Since your family is so small I think it would be very sweet to include your sister.
You could have your guy over for dinner with you, your mom and sister. Then excuse yourself to do what ever..... While you are gone, your guy could tell your mom and sister how important you are to him how much he loves you and that he would like to spend the rest of his life with you. And ask for their blessings....
2007-06-30 11:52:52 · answer #4 · answered by ♥♥The Queen Has Spoken♥♥ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to tell how much of a sense of humor your mom has, but he could always get a fake ring at the dollar store, drop down on one knee and ask her to be his mother-in-law.
If she needs something a little more formal than that, he could take her out to lunch. Or he could take you, your mom and your sister out to lunch, and at the end of a pleasant meal, ask for her blessing.
2007-06-30 13:18:39 · answer #5 · answered by old lady 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
When I asked my father-in-law, I set up a time and place that he was most comfortable in. He knew what was coming and I knew he would say yes, but this helped relieve any anxiety he had. Tell him to just share whats on his heart and don't practice because he probably won't remember it anyway.
2007-06-30 12:25:01 · answer #6 · answered by BayouBengalBeliever 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Been in his shoes .. I asked my wifes family at a dinner in the park . We barbecued and after wards I went and stood front and center and I just asked if could Take one of there most treasured possessions and make her my own I told her parents and brother and sister that I would always look after her not as well as my self but better and before myself . I said that I wanted them all in my life as my extended family and that I would be a proud and happy man if they said yes . after at their family home I told my wifes father of our intentions and plans . 18 years later its still good.
2007-06-30 12:58:23 · answer #7 · answered by slick 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I asked for my mother in law's blessing not permission as I feel that adults do not need permission from parents to marry. Ask him to be informal and friendly when talking to your mom. It was very comfortable for me and my mother in law that way.
2007-06-30 11:57:27 · answer #8 · answered by Your #1 fan 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's more of a tradition for the guy to ask the father...since your father has passed away maybe he should just go to your mother and assure her that he will take good care of you and she need not worry. Asking her would be odd.
2007-06-30 16:39:31 · answer #9 · answered by DeborahDel 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
well tradition is the young man ask the father,and the young lady tells her mother,but with father gone this could be tricky. he has to be real careful talk to her at the right time.timing is everything now.bring her flowers,candy,a card,and any other tool you can think of.
2007-07-04 07:19:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋