a man walks into a bar &...?

Question

the funniest finnish to this timeless joke opening wins.
make me laugh... hard.

Answer 1

says to the bartender "I've got something you won't believe if I don't show you," and before the bartender can reply he's plopped a dripping wet octopus on the counter."

"Get that thing off my bar!" yells the bartender, but the man says "Hold on - this isn't a "thing." This is a musical virtuoso. He'll play any instrument flawlessly," and lays a guitar on the bar next to the creature. It wraps it's tentacles around the instrument, and plays with the fury and finesse of Hendrix.

Piqued, the bartender invites the man to have the octopus show what it can do with the piano, and for the next few minutes the spirit of Ray Charles is channeled by the mollusk.

The bartender is flabbergasted. This is truly a unique moment, and he's eager to hear more. Over the objections of the patrons that aren't yet drunk, the bartender - a Scottsman - takes his bagpipes from behind the bar and lays them next to the octopus.

Immediately, the octopus throws the pipes to the ground and begins writhing furiously. Shocked, the owner yells "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"What does it look like? Soon as I can get this fine thing out of her pajamas," the octopus says, "I'm going to bang the hell out of her!"

Answer 2

A man walks into a bar after a bad day of work. The boss has been on his case all week about nothing, he's in danger of downsizing, and he's afraid that he won't be able to pay for his kid's college. He downs beer after beer until the clock strikes nine, adds to his tab, and leaves, more depressed than ever. As he's walking home, he starts thinking of a good excuse to give his wife for where he's been.
Suddenly, he slips on a banana peel and falls down thirty flights of stairs.
THE END

Answer 3

...he saw a man drinking a drink. Right after, he jumped out the window and then came bouncing right in again. The first man was amazed and ordered the same drink. He drank it, and then jumped out the window and sure enough landed hard on the ground below. The bartender looked out the window and then faced the second man.
"You're bad when you drink too much, Superman."
(Do not try this at home, kids...)

Answer 4

a man walks into a bar and the barman says "man that must of hurt"

a man walks into a bar and asks for a glass of orange, the bar man ask "still orange" to which the man replies "yep I havn't changed my mind"

a man walks into a bar, sees a monster and runs out. a punter says to the bar man, I knew it was a bad idea putting that mirror their.

a man walks into a bar and orders a beer, when he goes to pay he realises he has no money and he asks the barman to let him off, the bar man replies if you can make that horse in the corner laugh, he goes over and 5 minutes later the horse is laughing and the man has his beer.
the next day the man walks into the bar and orders a beer, when he goes to pay he realises he has no money and he asks the barman to let him off, the bar man replies if you can make that horse in the corner cry, he goes over and 5 minutes later the horse is crying and the man has his beer.
the next day the man walks into the bar and orders a beer, when he goes to pay the bar man says "ive tried all night and I can't get the horse to laugh or cry, how'd you do it? if you tell me you can have a free beer" the man replies"well to make him laugh I said my d*ck was bigger than his, then to make him cry I shown him"

Answer 5

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings." The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings." The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar." The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings." The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs." The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs." The bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."

Answer 6

And see's his son in there. He quickly recovers from the suprise and drags the kid by the ear all the way home. When he gets home he yells to his wife that their son was in the bar drinking beer. And his wife replies that the son got that from his father. THen the father says that he never had done that when he was younger. and the Wife replies that thats because he had never had a father after he was 4!

Answer 7

the only people in there are a few quiet old men sipping their morning beers. not a bartender in sight, not a woman in sight. the man gets agitated, tapping his foot and figeting, and finally yells out, "How does a guy get some cervix in here?'

Answer 8

quickly says to the bartender, "Give me 5 shots of Jack!"

The bartender looks at him and says, "Damn buddy, are you having a bad day?"

The guy replies, "Yeah, I just found out my brother is gay!"

The bartender, feeling bad for the guy, says, "Damn, that is a bad day. I'll tell you what. The first shot is on me."

The guy thanks him, takes his shots, and leaves. A week later the same guy comes into the same bar and tells the bartender, "Give me 5 shots of Jack!"

The bartender looks at him and says, "Damn buddy, are you having another bad day?"

The guy replies, "Yeah, I just found out my other brother is gay too!"

The bartender says, "Damn, that is a bad day. I'll tell you what. The first shot is on me again."

The guy thanks him, takes his shots, and leaves. The next week the same guy walks into the same bar and says, "Bartender give me 10 shots of Jack!"

The bartender looks at him confused and says, "Damn buddy, doesn't anyone in your family like women?"

"Yeah, my wife!"
hope you like it

Answer 9

A man walks into a bar and see's a pink and blue spotted rabit sitting next to him drinking whiskey, he freaks out so much, because he hasn't ordered anything, that he runs out of the bar and never comes back in.

Answer 10

with a slab of concrete, says to the barman, here a pint for me & one for the road