I'm too nice too girls! how can I change this? Should I?...........?

Question

I'm friends with these two girls, and I have treated them like queens. When they need a ride, I'm there, when they need something I'm usually the one buying it for them. They think I have a lot of money, but in reality I don't. The reason why I think they think I have a lot of money is because I drive a nice car, I have bought a lot of stuff for them 80.00 swim suit etc., I must have spent at least 1000.00 if not more just on them! We do hang out a lot though my dad makes a lot of money, I don't though!. I know I need to start standing up for myself but its really hard! because I'm just a nice guy and I hate saying no to people especially when I'm able to do the things for people. I'm not looking for anything in return, I just hate when people take advantage of me because I'm such a nice guy. What should I do? Should I just keep doing what I'm doing? I really like one of the girls I'm friends with but she said she dosen't have any feelings for me.

When the girl I like a lot and I got into a fight, I felt terrible because I liked her a lot and the argument was mostly her fault, although I shouldn't have gotten mad. She said since she didn't have feelings for me we shouldn't be friends anymore. A week later I was still feeling terrible so I just bought her a small gift saying sorry and after talking it over we are now friends again and she has been texting me a lot which is cool, but I'm now being cautious about texting her a lot like I did before because I know that we are just going to be friends, I guess I'm hoping that she will eventually like me more than a friend, but I don't know. what should I do?

thanks

BTW they are 17 years old and I'm 19 years old

Answer 1

i had the same problem but i realize it is actually a bad thing what I'm doing is not nice at all! because your really not teaching them a lesson, to have their own responsibility and not rely on a person all the time. so think about it, if your really a nice guy as you say then say no, its not being mean its just telling them they should earn the money and buy their own stuff. but giving them a ride isn't so bad, and buying them stuff once in awhile is okay. and also if that girl is taking a advantage of you then i suggest you try to move on, because if you guys ever date then she'll make you buy her everything literally. so the next time they ask you to buy them something tell them no in a polite NICE way and if you feel guilty just remember its for their own good, if they haven't learn from it then too bad for them.

Answer 2

head on over this way! wait...how old are you?
Any way, you just have to learn to take care of you. You will run into gold diggers for the rest of your life. Have someone you trust manage your money for you if you need to.
Do you want a gf that you bought affection from? Of course you don't. Are you trying to buy their approval? Well stop it, even if the above isn't true. You can always help without using money, use support and caring. Their monetary needs are not your responsibility. You already know in your heart that you really aren't doing right. Just be gentle when you tell them no. Perhaps explain what you explained in your question. With an attitude like yours, you deserve the best, and the best cannot be bought!

Blessed Be

Answer 3

just because your nice doesn't mean you should be stupid. tell them NO when they ask for stuff. your a walking doormat and if your going to do those stuff all your life it won't stop anyone from walking over you even when you make your own money. you need to start now. I mean their just your friends not even your gfs. I mean the ride part is not that bad, but the buying them stuff, come on now. Stop being a doormat. just Say No. if they want to go somewhere and you don't want to and since its your car say NO. Don't be a doormat. and no offense but it seems like you have no backbone and also Confidence is a great thing in any guy. Sometimes girls want someone that can stand up for themselves intestead of someone that they can control or munipulate.

Answer 4

Being a nice person is an admirable quality. However being nice should not be confused with letting another person take advantage of you - which is what you apparently are doing.

Continue to be nice, supportive, polite and a gentleman. But don't let these girls wheedle money, gifts, etc. out of you anymore. You will like yourself more, once you start standing up for yourself. And they will respect you and probably also like you more also...

Answer 5

certainly i think of you're focusing too a lot on the "impressive" problem. what they actually imply is which you have have been given been put in the "acquaintances only" class huh? nicely surprisingly a lot the rationalization adult men that at the instant are not "impressive" have a tendency to be greater mysterious and romantic case in point: impressive guy: "enable's get some starbucks and characteristic a learn team jointly" jerk: "lady you're so warm. i wanna love you and be with you perpetually..." actually non-impressive adult men are greater assertive with what they like, with a lot greater self belief than the common impressive guy. additionally, in case you're a impressive guy, and additionally you take care of each and each of the ladies you already know nicely, and make super acquaintances with them, then this is all you will ever be: acquaintances. do not assume them to be certain you as a romantic pastime if nicely, you arent romantic!

Answer 6

I kind of agree with the guy who says that you are lying if you say you want nothing in return. Perhaps, but I doubt it. You are probably getting something out of this. Nice guys who wear the hat of nice guy are typically interested in their image. They want to think of themselves, and be seen as, nice guys. Because they have a very low self-esteem, they need an image to look to rather than the ugly person they believe themselves to be. They aren't any worse than anybody else in the world. But deep down they believe they are.
The nice guy syndrome is really another form of narcissistic personality disorder. The other form is the big bold guy who dates all the chicks and has all the best stuff and is always bragging about how great he is. The disease is the same. He needs an image of greatness to cover his deep ugly feelings about himself.
If you be yourself you WILL find some people who will like you. It probably won't be these girls. But that's OK. You can develop relationships that are more meaningful to you rather than always having to maintain your image.
Therapy was very helpful to me to work on improving my self esteem.

Answer 7

Nice people get taken advantage of all the time... Would they be your friend if you were not buying things for them? I don't think you are 'too nice to girls', I think you are very giving and want things, like true friendship, and not quite sure how to get it. Stop buying them things, those 3 at least.. Nobody needs an $80 swim suit. Hell, that is my electric bill. You should have told them to swim naked hahaha.. It is wonderful to be that kind of person. I am one of those myself. But... ya gotta make sure you are not being used. If someone is hungry, is ok to buy them dinner.. or without clothes, ok to help them, etc.. but. swimming suits are not necessary things.

Answer 8

Oh come on!! You're being walked all over. Stand up for yourself. Tell them you're not made of money and even if you were you're not there to buy your friends expensive things just cause they want it. Stand up for yourself. There is a difference between being friends with people and giving them the odd life here and there to spending a fortune on them.

Save that kind of thing for a girlfriend who gives gifts back inb return and treats you nice!

Answer 9

I don't think you should stop being a nice guy.
You just need to take more of a stand for yourself. You don't have to spend money on a girl to be a great guy-so don't over do it.
A girl who is not your girlfriend doesn't need a gift at all. This is a sign that perhaps they are a bit materialistic. My advise is to stop spending money on them. Save your money for a woman who truly cares for you, not a moocher who only wants what she cannot herself afford.
A girlfriend who truly cares for you and is a good woman, does not need expensive things. She just needs your love and your friendship.
Perhaps the types of girls who you've been with, look for more materialistic things in a man.
Try finding a creative woman who doesn't look at how much you have, or what you have, but one who looks at who you are and how you treat her.

Answer 10

well, i dont think you should change although being too nice can sometimes lead to people using you , but the world is in need of nice guys, theres too many jerks out there. just dont take it an extreme and let people push you around,=] good luck, and if you really like your friend then dont give up hope, but dont close your options on other people, cuz you could be missing out on others that would have feelings back for you.