Being used...how do i get out of it?

Question

i have this friend who is a girl. we are great friends, and we do have a physical relationship too. but she always is using me, and lying to me time after time. im the shoulder to cry on, and the guy to call when everyone else is busy all everything else you can think of. now i know i love her and vice versa, but i dont want to be in this anymore. im tired of being used, waiting by the phone, getting lied to, and basically only having a purely physical thing with her. we dont go out, or eat out or anything. its only the sex and ill see you at work. thats the ONLY time. what do i say w/out being mean or rude to her to get out of this. thanks

Answer 1

Oh my god I think you are my friend, if not he has the same problem.

Answer 2

You don't want to be mean or rude, and yet that's exactly what she's being to you.

I would just simply stop being so available. Don't answer the phone all the time and if you see her at work, just say you were busy. She'll get the idea.

If she questions you about why you aren't available to her anymore, just tell her you didn't feel the relationship was going anywhere and you're pursuing others. That will either wake her up so she treats you better or she'll leave.

If you've been doing all these things for her and not complaining, you've let her know that nothing's wrong.

It's like the guy that calls a girl at 3:00 a.m. for a booty call. She doesn't complain, acts happy to hear from him, lets him come over. How is he going to know she wants more or that there's anything wrong? Same thing here only reversed. This is how the relationship is set up and she thinks it's okay. You have to let her know it's not.

Answer 3

Sounds like it's time for a serious talk. And I'm not talking about over lunch at work, or at the downtown cafe. Invite her to your place, or go to hers. Both of you must be honest, and totally honest, no holding back. And she has to let go of this lying habit, especially if the love is mutual. Tell her how you feel, and what you want out of this, if anything. But it sounds like you're drained, emotionally and mentally. Sex can be great, but once emotions are involved, it has to take its course, one way or another. Heck, we're not robots. Don't let this kill you, man.

And no, you don't have to be rude, just be honest. I don't know your demeanor, or personality, nor hers, for that matter. But there are ways to do things in order to keep damages to a minimum. From the way you worded your message, you seem like a passionate, tactful fellow.

I think you'll do well. I sure hope so, anyway. God bless.

Answer 4

You can be nice about it, without lying to her as well.
Do this by saying that you really love some of the things you have together, and like/love her for who she is, but you want something more, that is deeper and more well-rounded. Tell her you want someone who will go out with you, out to eat, etc. and who you can share the things you like to do with.

Maybe she will understand and make more of an effort to do things with you, but if she doesn't, then at least she can try to let you go, and vice versa.

Answer 5

You know, it's not like she hasn't been rude to you. The unfortunate thing is that you apparently have to work with her----bad idea, getting involved with a co-worker....

Just tell her,"Dear, I love you, but I can't tolerate this kind of treatment anymore. I'll always be here for you as a friend, but I very much need to find someone else." Re-phrase it however you like, but that is the general thing that you want to say.

Answer 6

Just try to talk to her and tell her how you feel. If you do maybe things can be worked out and if not at least you tried and she should appreciate that you were honest with her about it. I feel that way about my current relationship. It is not totally physical only. She says she loves me, but it feels like she only loves me when she needs a friend or is horny.

Answer 7

People can only do to you, what you allow them to do. Tell her exactly how you feel. If she only wants you for sex, then stop having sex with her. You do have control over that. Standing up for yourself isn't being rude or mean. Do you not think she's being rude & mean just to use you for sex? Obiviously it makes you feel used & ashamed to be with her. Love yourself enough not to tolerate that kind of treatment. Move on their are a lot of nice women who will treat you better & won't use you for sex. Good luck. 2D

Answer 8

FIRST OFF ALL U HAVE 2 ASK YOURSELF HAVE U HAD ENOUGH OR WHAT? U ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN STOP HER FROM USING HER. U HAVE TO ASK YOURSELF DO I REALLY DESERVE THIS NO WAY . IF SHE REALLY CARED ABOUT U SDHE WOULDNT TREAT U LIKE THIS. U OUND LIKE A SINCERELY NICE PERSON AND U SHOULDNT STAY IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. BECAUSE U CAN GET SEX FROM ANYONE WITHOUT A PRICE TAG ON IT. U NEED TO TELL HER AND IF SHE REALLY CARES FOR U SHE'LL CHANGE HER WAYS AND IF SHE DOESNT SHE WAS ALWAYS A WOLF IN SHEEPS CLOTHING. SOMETIMES U HAVE 2 BE UPFRONT WITH SOME PEOPLE EVEN IF IT HURTS THEIR FEELINGS. NOBODY SHOULD TRY AND HURT SOMEONE'S FEELINGS JUST TO MAKE THEM FEEL BETTER.

Answer 9

If you both truly loved each other after all that u have done u would be able to talk it openly, if not move on....Tell her how u feel ignored, bored, abused/used , just pour it all out and let her know that you dont want meaningless sex, that you must get out of this useless relationship that is going nowhere...best luck

Answer 10

You can not be used unless you allow it. If this person makes you feel bad, you can make yourself feel bad if you want. Time to be honest with yourself and the other person, and walk away. Buy a Dr.hil book, or a psychology book, get your self esteem up to par and move on. Relationships should not feel bad or have drama.
Good luck.

Answer 11

Tell her that it is all or nothing. You want the emotional with the physical and if she doesn't then you can't see her anymore. Just be honest with her. That's really all you can do. Good luck.