my son and i have always been so close, hes 18 now, and has his first real girlfriend who is 21, she lived with us,her parents threw her out, i felt sorry for her, i let her stay to save money for an apt, she didnt.ive done everything for my son, clean, buy him trucks,he was applying for jobs, never really had one, hes a straight a student, he got really disrespectful to me in front of her, she was a lazy filthy girl, like having a rat living in a room,she was dirty, i did all the cleaning and cooking, why does he love her over me? i asked him to move out, they did, she is now taking a small town boy to the big city to live with her grandma! i hope my son doesnt get killed there, i hate this girl now. what happened here to my son and me, where did our relationship go, he hates me now, why, i did nothing to him, i put up with her for 4 months,and i was respectful to her for him.he disrespected me one time to many,she ruined our mother son relationship. will he ever see the real her?
2007-06-30 05:40:30 · 10 answers · asked by vanilla 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
This isn't about the girlfriend. It's about your son growing up, and how difficult that is for both of you. Kids who are close to their parents often have an especially difficult time breaking away and becoming independent individuals. Often they deal with that by being rude and cruel to their parents. It would be nice if they could find a better way, but often they aren't even conscious of what they're really going through. They just feel frustrated and angry. They feel disrespected because you don't acknowledge tha they are adults who can make their own decisions, and at the same time they're terrified of the world out there and want you to take care of them and make it all better.
I've been through this with six kids (no lectures, please!). They were all different, but this process was difficult for all of them, and for me. They said unbelievably rude things. They acted out to impress their friends. They demanded I respect them as adults and then came running when they screwed up and needed help.
This is all normal. Growing up isn't like throwing a switch. It happens in fits and starts. There are moments of progress and setbacks. But almost all kids get through it, and most parents survive it too.
So what to do now? Write you son a letter. No anger, no accusations, no diatribes against the girlfriend. Tell him you love him. Tell him you were confused and upset and you're very sorry. Tell him you hope things are going well for him and that you miss him. Invite him to call, write or come visit. Brace yourself, now. Also tell him that his girlfriend is welcome too. If you want to be really brave, write her a separate letter of apology. After all, you're the grownup, and you're supposed to be settting a good example.
Chances are this relationship will pass, but maybe not. In any case, your son is bound to care about people in his life that you don't like. You have to learn to accept that. And if this girl ends up becoming the mother of your grandchildren, won't you be glad you patched things up?
Good luck to you.
2007-06-30 05:59:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it sounds as if you did the right thing, even though it's hard it's the classic he needs to grow up and see what the real world is like.
It sounds as if you did do everything for him and he just doesn't know how hard it is to make it on his own. He'll find out that he will need to get a job because trust me I doubt the grandmother is going to take what you did for very long either and then he'll see that his girlfriend isn't helping this situation either.
I would keep talking to him give him moral support when he'll start to take it, but give him no extra help (like money and such) while he's away though this is hard if he doesn't learn his lesson the first time he'll just do it again. It sounds like he's smart and you raised him right, now you just need to wait.
By the way I am 22 been there done that.
2007-06-30 12:55:30 · answer #2 · answered by Jeanette 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes you just have to take a step back. You've done everything in your power, the rest is up to your son. Eventually he's not going to be with this girl and he's going to need a place to stay. I would imagine your the first person he will call. Hopefully it's just a phase that he will grow out of. In the meantime, let him know your there for him. That was if something does happen he knows he can count on you!
2007-06-30 12:47:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off.... HUGE APPLAUSE and my hats off to you. You did something so difficult and yet, you'll see. Give it time and he will see the lazy slob she is and in the end he'll come back and realize he wronged his MOTHER. Realize that he is no longer a boy, but an adolescent and he needs to realize, the real world is sh*t and he diddn't appreciate the help not many people are willing to lend. Now he'll realize he was wrong and he'll have to live with it. It's all a part of growing up. You did your job... time to have him learn his lessons. Just hope for the best and pray for the worse to not be so bad.
2007-06-30 12:47:02 · answer #4 · answered by melloncollieromance 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He chose sex over his mom...no surprise! He's 18 and thinks he knows it all. If you actually told him you couldn't stand his girlfriend, then there is even more fuel to add to the situation, cause it is just a way to irritate you. Give him a few months to see the real her...they are still feeling that glow of new love. If he does come home, do not run her down or say I told you so. He'll run right back to her.
2007-06-30 12:57:32 · answer #5 · answered by ♥Instantkarma♥♫ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she's the kind of girl you say she is, he will realize this eventually and their relationship will end. And he will get close to you again. Just stay supportive and loving of him right now, and let him know that your door is always open to him alone, if he ever needs to come home. And if he does, don't let another girl move in with him. He needs to get a place of his own and support himself if he wants to live with another girl. And yes, you absolutely did the right thing to ask them to leave.
2007-06-30 12:54:46 · answer #6 · answered by Marie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he was living under you house he has to respect your rules. Hes 18 which means hes an adult now, and you have to let him go. He has to live and learn. You really can't tell him that his gf is bad because then he is not going to talk to you at all, but just simply ask him how he is doing if he calls.
2007-06-30 12:52:35 · answer #7 · answered by crazyd 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my mom has the same problem with my older brother but she does not have the guts to kick him out and she says she wants him to get out but, dont worry your soon, will either A) find the real her and know what he did was wrong, becase no matter what a mothers love is a mothers love. or B) he will know that things arent as easy as they look and he might get a career and make it on his own and he will thank you one day, at least i know someone who did this. dont lose hope sooner or later he will come to his senses
2007-06-30 12:49:21 · answer #8 · answered by robert 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ask him to go to college and you will pay for it.
if he goes he will meet a better class of girls and hopefully leave that nasty byotch.
2007-06-30 12:47:02 · answer #9 · answered by Diana 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he can't live by your rules,then he needs to find somewhere else to live.
2007-06-30 12:45:18 · answer #10 · answered by bratt 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋