Am I right to stop her seeing our daughter..?

Question

I've been in a lesbian relationship with my partner for nearly 4 years, since we were 19. We have a 2 year old daughter together who was conceived the natural way with me giving birth. She has always been been a good partner & brilliant with our daughter. I recently found out something from her past which made me question her as a person. We argued & split 3 weeks ago, but she comes to my house everyday punching the windows,making threats & trying to take the child etc. She has no rights over the child as we were going to wait a few years before she adopted her, and the other night she came round & called both me & my daughter horrible names & smashed up the kitchen. Now I don't want her anywhere near me or my child. My friends say that I'm wrong to stop her seeing her as she raised her, but in the eyes of the law, she has no rights. She loves my daughter dearly, but I don't want her to see her again. My sister says I should give in to stop her going crazy. Am I right to stop her?

We both agreed that I would get pregnant by a friend of ours who has no part in the childs life.

Answer 1

I don't think a person that yells names at your daughter has any moral right to see her. I think that you are right in keeping her away at least for the time being that she has the uncontrollable attitude... if worse comes to worse bring the law into it... but don't allow your little daughter to be exposed to those circumstances

Answer 2

WELL OBVIOUSLY YOU HAVE THE RIGHT, BIENG THE BIRTH MOTHER AND ALL.
BUT SERIOUSLY, WHAT WAS THE ISSUE IN THE FIRST PLACE? WAS HER PAST EXPERIENCE A VIOLENT MATTER OF ANYT TYPE OR SOMETHING YOU JUST DO NOT BELIEVE IN?
I KNOW THERE ARE TIMES THAT PASSION FOR THE LOVE OF A CHILD CAN LEAD SOMEONE TO ACT OUT OTHER THAN THEY NORMALLY WOULD. IF SHE IS ACTING OUT AS ROUGHLY AS YOU SAID, MAY BE IT IS BECAUSE SHE WAS TAKEN AWAY FROM HER CHILD. IMAGINE IF THE SHOE WERE ON THE OTHER FOOT - WITH YOU BEING ON THE OUTSIDE, EVEN DURING THE PREGNANCY, AND ALAWYAS BEING THE "OTHER" MOMMY - AND THEN BAMN - YOUR CHILD IS TAKEN AWAY FROM YOU. HOW WOULD YOU REACT????
DONT WORRY ABOUT WHAT OTHERS ARE TELLING YOU - FOR ULTIMATELY YOU ARE THE CHILDS PARENT. JUST MAKE SURE THE SEPERATION IS FOR THE CHILDS BEST INTEREST AND NOT JUST YOUR WAY OF GETTING BACK AT YOUR PARTNER FOR SOMETHING SHE DID A LONG TIME AGO.

Answer 3

Although she may love your daughter, at this time she is acting out in a way that will negatively effect the child. You are right to keep her away. At this point she is manifesting extreme anger and displaying inexcusable behaviour for a grown woman. If you can civilly discuss this with your ex over the phone, and her behaviour improves I see no reason for her not to see the girl.
But, it will only get harder when you find a new girlfriend and you will be confusing your little girl as far as loyalty is concerned, children do understand these things. Best of luck

Answer 4

I think you need counseling to intercede. Go to couples counseling, she is in horrible pain and if you are going to leave her then you need to help her cope.

Everyone has stuff in their past that would be questionable. Instead of looking at it for what it was, the past, you made it an issue and damaged three people's lives. Your two year old still loves this woman, like she does you. You cannot use a child like a weapon and blame it on "protecting" her. Protecting her from what? The "brilliant" other mother that you had her with?

Get some help, fix what you have done.

Answer 5

First of all the daughter was NOT conceived naturally unless your partner has a penis and testicles.Now, with that out of the way lets talk about her behavior.It sounds as if she was molested and/or raped as a child by some bad men and becoming like the ones who hurt her will help her keep from being hurt.Also it will help her protect other women and by having a relationship with women she can hurt the bad men.The "men" she chose to style herself after is the kind that when a woman breaks up with them, they go to the house and break windows and such like she is doing.Call the police and get a restraining order.Jealous lesbians are not above killing someone.This is the kind of man she has styled herself after.

Answer 6

I think perhaps that you should seek legal advice and if needed get legal aid to do this,although she may have no legal right ,it would not be fair to stop any contact in the furture.As you both have brought up this child. Her behaviour is totally wrong. However I know if anyone stopped me from seeing my daughter it would be unbearable. I do wonder also what it was that happened in the past that your ex partner has done?
Can it not be something that can be sorted out?
Anyway takecare and hope you can get things sorted soon for all your sakes,especially your childs.

Answer 7

A Court order of protection. Also file for court ordered visitation to be controlled visitaion. This why you don't bring children into the world until you know that person better. You don't live together until you know each other better... and in this case you put a plan on paper for the care of the child in the event s break up occurs.

Just some advice..... I am not critical of lesbians. I believe they have every right to having children. And most make excellent parents.

Answer 8

If anyone called my daughter a horrible name i would smash their face in!
un aware of the issue about her past if u have good reason to beleive that she should not see your daughter then that is good enough for me!!!
what would u say to a friend in this position and be honest with yourself.
the only issue i would have is what if your grlf came round again and hit ur child even by accident would u be able to forgive urself for putting ur child in that position.
this woman obviously has a nasty streak no matter how much she loves u or ur daughter
think v carefuly.
gud luck x

Answer 9

As long as this woman is being abusive, verbally or psychotically physical, you have EVERY right to keep that child from her. I think your sister is in the wrong. Yes, she may have been great with the child before, but until she can get her emotions under control, your 1st obligation is to protect that child. You may also want to consider an Order of Protection if her behavior continues. She has to know you aren't willing to put up with this. Good luck!♥

Answer 10

have u ever thourt that she did the violece thing because she was upset she must love y and your daughter very much and she will hurt alot and i do think she should see the child as its not fair if she dosent as u both brought her up if u dont want to see her see if somone will take the child to her for a few hours a day or at the week end i do hope u can sort this out

Answer 11

Hi... it seems like your ex is bitter over the breakup and has some anger issues.

you could get a restraining order, or if you would like to give her a "chance" to see the child, let her know that when she gets some help and manages her emotional problems, you will decide at that time.

it wouldn't be fair for the daughter to be forced to spend time with someone who apparently frightened her (the name calling and destruction of property).

giving in to her might let her feel she has power and can do whatever she wants to get her way with you in the future.

maybe you need to speak with a police officer, or even an attorney? i'd seek advice...

i hope you get some good answers here, hon. take care.