Wondering how to approach boyfriend about our relationship?

Question

I moved out of my boyfriend's house 3 mos ago and got my own place, even though my boyfriend and I remained together in the relationship. One of the reasons I originally moved was because I felt trapped in a "why buy the milk when you can have the cow for free" situation. He had orginally spoke of marriage for the first 6 mos we were together, then I moved to another state to be with him, which I admit was a difficult adjustment for me. He surprised me by getting angry and defensive and claimed he wanted to make sure I was "stable enough" before proposing marriage--. Well, I went from flat broke and unemployed in Nov '05 to landing a great job, received a promotion this year, got my own place and am financially independent. I would like to bring up the question of marriage again but am scared he will get angry the way he did before. He never brings it up himself. I know he wants me to move back in with him but cannot until the question of marriage is resolved.

Answer 1

hmm...not enough info to make a definite call. ISpeaking from experience, think he may really just be feeling you out a little more. The first few months are almost always great, it is the infatuation stage. You ignore a lot of things that would normally turn you off. He may have seen some things that make him doubt the relationship and wants more time to make sure. Sounds like he IS still talking about marriage; he said he wants to make sure you are stable. I say talk to him about a timeline. Tell him that one year should be enough time for him to decide and if he can't then you will have to move on. Don't waste your time, life is short. Chances are when you leave he will miss you and want you back as his wifey. Good luck. keep me posted.

Answer 2

Lizzy, I think your actions, and his, really are yelling your answer loudly. It just that we don't hear these answers very well.

You've moved out. He get's mad to distance himself from you. I'm afraid it may be years (or never) that he will be positive about you and pull you in 100%. And remember, this is the easiest time of your relationship!!! With the right person, you both would be naturally getting closer and being more committed day by day. And there should be no "walking on eggshells" in a good relationship.

Without knowing you personnally, from what you have said, it seems you have great attributes of being a life partner by being well spoken, flexible and giving, you're willing to commit and be a provider. All these are important, and someone will be very grateful to be your partner.

Now for the hard words: time to find the right guy, sorry.

Answer 3

You sound like you have your act together and are "ready to get married". Is he? More importantly, are you sure this is "the one"? Unfortunately, if he never brings it up, and you have been together for years, that is perhaps a sign that he doesn't see the relationship heading that way. But maybe, he talked about it earlier on, and got the impression you weren't interested and stopped mentioning it because it was embarrassing to him. You know which of these 2 things is the truth already though.

You should brace yourself, and bring it up. But if he kicks and screams, the chances are you are not "the one" in his eyes, and you never will be. In my opinion, if you are in a relationship like this, it is best if you move on.

It isn't enough to be madly in love with someone. They have to be madly in love with you, too. And even then it doesn't always work out.

Answer 4

Well, just because you are thinking of marriage does not mean you have to move in with him. Tons of couples live apart from eachother before he pops the big question. Do you want to marry him? Is he everything you have ever wanted? If so, maybe you just answered your question. If he is a great guy to you and will be to your family someday, hes the one for you.

Answer 5

from what i see, your boyfriend is alittle unsecure. even though it was hard for you to adjust because you moved, i feel that you should just go up and talk to him about just regular things, and slowly creep into the subject of marriage. the best way is to remind him of how much he talks about marriaged in those six months you mentioned. it might jolt up a memory, since men usually forget things, i know cause i do. since you are more successful than when you moved. try to relax him before you talk with him, like feed him something, it will keep him from getting mad. then say, something that makes him feel secured, like while talking to him, keep mentioning the word "babe" or "hun", it usually puts a guy mood up. good luck with the proposal situation. best wishes

Answer 6

Well, in my experience, when a guy wants to get married he will talk about it, He will refer to you as his future wife all the time, talk about having kids, say he wants to spend the rest of his life w/ u etc etc.
You need to ask him where the relationship is going but do so without bringing up marriage because it has made him defensive in the past. good luck!!

Answer 7

I do have faith that the way boys are taught/taken care of has lots to do with how they prove as adults. i think that the mummy , specifically, has lots to do with their destiny relationships with woman buddies or better halves. I, for my area experience that a boy could get carry of countless hugs and compassion from there mom at an exceptionally youthful age. they could "be taught" compassion at an early age. If compassion isn't given to boys, they gained't very own this as person adult men.