best interests for the children?

Question

i recentley went through a custody battle with my ex husband.He won the case on the grounds that i wasnt in a stable relationship,hes getting re married and ive suffered depression.my son and daughter wanted to carry on seeing both of us.Everything was ok until he took me to court.We had shared care which we arranged ourselves.My solicitor said i had been too nice to their father.What im trying to get to here is what gives someone the right to choose,they only see the circumstances in a short space of time.Ive had 11 yrs of being a mother,with my history of depression do they really think taking my kids away will resolve my depression,im cut up and hurt.Ive been patranised and humiliated and i feel like ive lost my life.What do these people think they are doing to families now adays?

he took me to court because he felt the children were unsafe in my neighbour hood.which is ironic because we both set up home there for 8 yrs before we got divorced.That was his reason anyway but i feel theres more to it than that.Im in counsiling at the moment,the man was a control freak which put me into depression in the first place

he took me to court because he felt the children were unsafe in my neighbour hood.which is ironic because we both set up home there for 8 yrs before we got divorced.That was his reason anyway but i feel theres more to it than that.Im in counsiling at the moment,the man was a control freak which put me into depression in the first place

we had a share care arrangement,no paperwork,as soon as the paperwork turns up the problems occur,i aint judging him im judging the system

Answer 1

It sounds like you are blaming everyone else and taking no responsiblity for this situation at all. It is not up to the courts to help you out of your depression. That was obviously not a consideration at the time and never will be. It is about the children, and the children only. I am sure the courts wanted your children to be placed in a safe and happy environment and if you are unable to provide it then so be it.

I do feel for your loss. I know your children probably mean the world to you. If you really care for them you will do what it takes to get them back. If that means you need to move into a safer location (even if the home may be smaller), work on having a healthy mental attitude, and show them in every other way that you are a fit parent and deserve custody then do it.

It will not help your situation by doing nothing. It is great that you are still going to counseling. That is a step in the right direction. It does not matter how many people on Answers think that you were delivered an unjust verdict. And chances are it won't even make you feel better. Make the changes the court suggests and bring those kids back into your life. Be the bigger person. If you feel your ex is being horrible, prove to him that you deserve those children and will do everything in your power to have the custody ruling adjusted. This is one way to show him that you can be the better parent.

Do the courts get the full picture? No. You are probably a wonderful mother in a lot of ways, but you need to understand that someone needs to mediate the situation. It has to be someone that is unbiased and will do what they think is right in the specific situation. No, they are not always right. But there is really no better option. For the children that are truly in a bad situation these decisions are neccessary. We don't know your whole situation so we are even worse judges than the courts. For all we know you ex is a saint and he was justified in bringing you to court. Or you could have been treated unfairly and you and the children are suffering for no reason.

Bottom line - show everyone that you are a fit and loving parent. Show the courts and your ex that you deserve to share custody equally.

Answer 2

But all was fine when you had custody, right?

The courts look at each situation and in it's judgment, make a decision based on what is best for the children at the current time.

I would bet that it isn't because he is in a "stable relationship", it is more like he is able to provide a more stable environment for the kids at this point and time.

Just by virtue of being a mother does not make you any more capable of providing a nurturing and stable home for the kids.

You should get the help needed for the depression, and when you are doing better, seek joint custody.

If the situation were reversed and your ex-husband was battling depression and you were given custody, would you still be asking "what these people think they are doing to families"?

Answer 3

hi hon...

i'm sorry for what has happened in your life, and i see you're very hurt.

i think that, if you are suffering from depression (i have my own experiences with depression too), it would be in your best interested to seek your doctor's help and advice. Have you talked to your doctor?

even though your kids are in their father's custody, dont' give up on YOU. start taking care of yourself, and do what it is you need to do in order to start feeling better....

your recovery and the fact you are taking care of yourself, will have a positive impact on your children, and other aspects of your life.

my son went to live with his father when he was 14. his father refused to allow me visitation for almost a year. both my son and i were traumatized over it. after a few months of not seeing my son at all, i decided to take care of ME, and worked on self-improvement. when it was all said and done, it helped me quite a lot....

i hope you have visitation privileges as well. i'm sure you are feeling humiliated, but in my similar experience, i discovered everything happens for a reason. i took the time to get myself "together".

i hope that you and your ex can work something suitable out after the air clears over the court case (sometimes these things take a while to settle down).

i wish you all the best, that's for sure. and hope you get some good advice here.

hugs

Answer 4

Why did your ex go to court if everything was okay with you sharing custody?

If you are struggling with depression, that will affect the kids. You should get help for that now and it will help you get more time with your children.

The court really does try to do what's best for the children, but sometimes they aren't given all the facts.

Answer 5

Ignore these people. Move to a state that's considered a mothers state and file for custody. Just because you are depressed doesn't make you an unfit parent. you know you could sue your attorney for misrepresentation. Get a good attorney and don't believe for one second that what they are saying in court could be true. I was depressed a while back and if anything it made me a better mother because it made my child all that more important to me.

Answer 6

!st take the advice of a consultant and seek his advice.Keep cool and then meet your legal counsel.I do understand your sentiment.