Family problem, need help please...?

Question

I "hate" my father, but I do not want to feel hate anymore cause it is not good. In general I am very kind and all those good things but with him it is a big exception (not explain why here). I just ignore him and I cannot do otherwise; but sometimes feelings of hate arise.

Do you know how to cope with these feelings since I cannot move to a new house right now? Any tips? So far I found that ignoring him is the best way.

"Making friends with him is impossible" to add a bit more details.

Thanks,
Carl

Thanks for all answers. It helped a lot!!

My worry is that when I change house these things keep on... hope not.

Answer 1

Ignoring him may be the best way to help. When you move out, things will change. Just bide your time so to say and maybe try to get out of the home and get some hobbies. If he wants you to do task around home, go ahead. try to keep the peace until you can get out on your own.
Good luck

Answer 2

Hate always gives the person you hate all the power. You don't say how old you are, and that makes a big difference. If you are a teen or younger, then we all go through intense periods of love and hate for our parents, it usually passes when we get into our 20's. If you are an adult however, more than likely this is how you can expect your life to be.

Look at his point of view. Look at his history. Is he capable of being a parent, was he ever shown how to parent. Is he a person who can learn or unlearn? Give your father the benefit of the doubt. If after all that, your feelings are the same, then you need tools to let you cope.

Counseling is always where I suggest starting. Talking things out with someone not involved is always a good thing.

Then just doing what you are doing is probably the best thing. Simply ignore him, refusing to be pulled into his drama and keeping things on a surface level will allow you to live in a hostile environment until you can leave. Make leaving your goal. Work more than one job if you can. The less time at home the better.

Answer 3

Carl,

I lived with the same feelings for many years towards my own father. What happened was that it hurt me not him. In saying this, until you are able to resolve your feelings and "let go" you must learn how to deal with him on a constant basis. This is easier said than done!

Fill your time with reading, studies, hobbies trying to focus on positive things. Ignoring works until he realizes you are ignoring him and confronts you: if he is this type of personality. Set a time frame as to when you will be gone then make that one of your hobbies!

I hope I have helped.

Answer 4

There must be a very good reason why you hate your father so much that you don't even want to tell in public and giving you more reason to hate your father. The best thing for you to do is to just keep on praying that hatred would not manifest in your thoughts and actions. With the Lord's grace, you can survive.

Answer 5

Well, let me say this. I have a similar situation with my dad. I have sought professional help and I don't know if that is a bad idea for you. But enough said about that, I think that it is imperative you move towards moving out. Until then set up some boundaries with your father. I think that establishing some house rules will do you some good.

Answer 6

Think about what it would be like to loose him. I lost my dad three years ago to a heart attack. And the best way to leave bad feelings behind is to think there may not be a tomarrow. Do you want to keep those feelings forever? And what if it's to late. You don't get a second chance at life. Make it count!

Answer 7

dear carl,

You need to go deeper within and ask your intelligence the reason for this problem.The solution is not outside but its with the problem.Now you tell me what is this anger why does this happen , in your relationship do you not want quality happiness in life? Ask yourself honestly this question.For god's sake UNDERSTAND THIS - IF YOU ARE ANGRY WITH A PERSON , THE PERSON STARTS CONTROLLING YOUR LIFE WITHOUT HIS KNOWLEDGE AND DO YOU WANT TO BE CONTROLLED LIKE THAT - it shows your attitude towards the person you seem to think you love , now pray to god asking him to give you the power to change the things you want and patience to understand those things which you can't change and wisdom to know the difference.May god bless you with peace of mind

Answer 8

Hey Carl,
Just try to brush off everything he says to you. Don't believe anything or take anything he says personally. Try to be the best kid you can be, do everything you possibly can to not irritate him. Stay calm.
If he's really beginning to get to you, i would advise you talk to someone about the situation to get your feelings out, or write it all down. Try listening to music or just not thinking about it until you have to.
Good luck!
Von

Answer 9

you have to forgive him for whatever he has done to make you hate him. you will have to really think and forgive him for the bad things that he did to you. i know it is easy for me to say to forgive him but i too was in the same situation but it was with my grandfather. after i forgave HIM OF HIS PROBLEM I STARTED SEEING THINGS DIFFERENTLY. you can go on with your life and not hate him any longer. my grandfather is still alive but i do not talk or even ask about him. he was dead to ME when he did some terrible things. i would hate for you to hate your father. hate is a strong word with deep meaning. i do not hate my grandfather but i have no feelings or emotions about him either.good luck and mat god bless you

Answer 10

like yu said let it roll off your bck and when you are old enough get a job and get moving it wasn't good for you to stay wher ehes mean and not nice. that is what you have to do so start now nad save and be gone.