Is she a virgin?Had I mad a tragedy?

Question

First,I need to explain,I am in a poor,developing country,so we are traditional,we worship chastity from old ancient to now in the bone. In our country,at least 99% men still have the thick virgin bond,so have I.
The diva is 18 years old now,I am 24,and she was born in the same village with me,a poor,backward,inconvenient mountainous area,The distance between her blighty and mine is not over 500 metres. Her prarents and mine are all simpleminded farmers in one smeede(an administrant unit under village),of course they are very familiar in an old original rural village. Though my family is poor,I am fortunate,I am clever and diligent in study,later I entered the university and gained a diploma,because of high education,I found a nice occupation,white collar,with a nice income. But she is not so lucky,she educated after junior high school,then went to a plant of far city for manual working,with low wage.

In the labor's day last year I and the diva had a traditional blind date before engagement in the charge of woman matchmaker. We agreed with each other,In the New year Festival,we betrothed for marriage,I gave her family much money as monetary gifts, The money correspond to serveral incomes for a common people in our country, that meant she was my formal fiancee from then on. On March 24 this year,she followed me and went to my work city which belong to a big flourishing city in southern together.

The first night in my house,she didn't be will to sleep with me in one bed, she slept in the sofa in the hall,not bedroom(my house has only a central room with one sofa, a bedroom with one bed,it is rented). I think,perhaps she was conservative and fine, I can comprehend. Same thing happend the next night, and I can't bear on the 3rd night, I brought her to my bed forcibly and ignored her struggle. Since she is my fiancee,and we were in one bed,of course I wanna have sexual intercourse,but she still opposed try her hard,whatever I do, I can't undress her jupe and long trousers all the time,I failed,I gave in that night.

So I was thinking,"why did she do that? Is there any weird,secret evnets hidding behind her body? Is she not a virgin? And she want to wait for the menstruation to make love with me so that to kid me?" Therefore,I can't get sleep all the night. The 4th night she was little more merciful,and she was willing to unbrace her bras and let me touch her breasts,but still didn't want to ML with me. The anger in my heart accumulated for days bursted eventually,I scold her,"Get out,Since you do not make love with me, why promise my espousal?",She left the bed,sat on the sofa,wept,and said nothing.

The 5th night,she is still so obstinate and stalwart,but I changed my strategy,I did't demand just after we went bed,I suddenly took off all her clothings in the mid-night during her sleep-muddled status, I tried to insert my penis into her vagina,but it is little difficult. At last,I found some feeling,I think perhaps I had aimed the hole,ready to go deep into,but she suddenly pushed me away,So I failed again,I am bored,but have no choice but to sleep.

The 6th night,I performed the same story in the mid-night,this time she discarded defending,and I entered very successfully,I feel tight,dry in her
vagina,but still very comfortable, I moved up and down, later I gained the orgasm and end the intercourse. The next morning,while she was washing face,the
first important thing to me to do is to see whether she bleeded the blood under bedsheet,the result is very disappointed, I saw nothing.
Becuase of this reason, I am very sad all the day, I asked if she made love with any other boy ever,she declined to answer me,only cried. For can't get answer from her mouth,I began to suspect her past，she is not a chaste virgin,this is a insult to me.

Due to this unpleasant case and her unsocial,incommunicative personality,I abandoned her,we teared up our marriage engagement, she went to that old plant to be a common manual woker in another city alone,and I still stayed in my work city. I remember I ever asked whether she will hate me,she said she will not,she also said she wanna be suicide,that made me very worry, In case she dead or disappeared,how can I face my parents and hers? And I dare not go my old home in the village again later. But fortunately she didn't do that.
At it happens,i.e. that our broken day is April 1, Subsequently, she send a sms message to me,"why god so fool me?",and I sent too,"Is you fool me or I fool you on earth?"

Her elder sister-in-law later told me in MSN(a IM software),she was in that factory too,she know abort her young sister-in-law very much,she is a
conservative，restrained girl,and I mistook her. While heared about this,I am astonished, I am regret,but I know the spilt water cannot be gathered up again,
I have the dignity of man.
Is she a virgin? Had I mad a tragedy?

Answer 1

A long and complicated story.

I understand that in your culture virginity is considered very important in a bride.

It sounds to me like MAYBE she had something very terrible happen in her past. It is possible she was raped or molested.

Now before you get angry about that, think about this fact. Having intercourse with a virgin does not FEEL different than having intercourse with a girl that has only had the experience once or even a few times.

If you want to care for your woman and make her your wife a partner forever, maybe you can try and talk to her. Gain her trust. Ask her if someone ever violated her. Even if your culture does shun someone who has lost their virginity, do you think it is fair to shun her if she was raped or hurt by someone?

Like I said, just try talking to her. It may take a long time before she opens up and talks to you.

And as far as trying to have intercourse with her, if she HAS been through something like being molested, she will not want to have intercourse with you if you try and force or trick her. Try being sweet and nice, and possibly even romantic.

Answer 2

You were suppose to wait until you were married. That was very unromantic of you to try and rape her. Maybe you need to get acquainted with your fiancee before you try too have sex with her. If your country is as traditional as you say, then why are you questioning her virginity? You want to take her virginity through rape? Shame on you. Treat your wife with respect and she will show you all the love you want and more. Most virgins are very bashful about the first time, so this was not strange.
If you want to get off to a better start to your marriage you should apologize to your fiancee and mean it. She has done nothing wrong and you have a dangerous mind. Just because you have gotten your education don't think you are any better or special. You still have to earn your love like everyone else.

Answer 3

I am from a culture where the man only wishes to marry a virgin, yet will sleep around for years at a time before getting married. This of course, angers me because I cannot understand why a man can live so "freely" yet a woman's virginity is so sacred? It will be difficult to eliminate my inner feelings towards you and what you have done, but I will try my best.

Not sure where you are from, but perhaps you should take into consideration that when someone tells you no, (and by no i do mean male OR female) you should learn to respect that. You must not be as barbaric as you describe yourself in your entry because you are using a computer to post a message, and you are getting a form of education from a school. You speak English fluent enough, which tells me you are introduced to the culture of the European and of the Americans. Perhaps you should study a bit more on how women earned their freedoms and rights, and why they did so.

Your fiancee, (who is no longer your fiancee, mind you) must have either experienced something horrible in her past (like it was mentioned before, a raping or a molestation), but just because she never had sex before, doesn't mean she is so quick and eager to give it up either. Now, you have jaded her, you have forced yourself upon her and took away something she can never gain back. Now you have to come to realization that she is no longer going to be able to trust anyone again. And she might not even be able to marry anyone because of how the culture is. Now, you probably have no choice BUT to marry her, and now, you have to solder back together the relationship you tore apart with your own hands.

Educate yourself, please. Start reading books. You do not need to be rough and pushy with your significant others. You do not need to violate their bodies or their minds. Simply because they do not wish to share their bed with you, does not mean they are being dishonest or untrue to you. Instead, be gentle and ask them what they are so afraid of. Show them that love is not something that will hurt them.

I will be surprised if she comes back to you willingly. If she does come back to you, slow it down and treat her like a human being. Virginity is now lost, in both her mind and body, in both spirit and soul. You have a lot to answer for, and you better be prepared for the consequences.

Answer 4

What is that?!
Though you try to appear as being sophosticated learner and an upper hand manly person but I am sorry to tell you that you deliberitly a "Failure"! that makes that poor girl much more teaching you better than what you falsely gained from your studies!

What is the use of buying and selling souls with the money and threading means of raping a wife or a fiancee in a pitiful way and in some consequentive days like what happened in the 1st and 2nd and bla bla till reaching to the 6th and then God knows!

First lesson that you should learn is that conservative and rural life does not mean retardedness but carries all values one has to keep along with civilized modern aquisition and educational social intelligence. Lets be humans for one time time only and notice the difference. You didnt even allowed her the chance to express herself and you tied her and acted like one of those "rural" animals there who is only targetting sensual behaviour ... a man is a man but with love a man can be more tamed human!

An advice to you: Leave her ... think about what you left and what you gained ... re-think again about human relationships ... forget your past pain ... quit hammering your faults on weak creatures and God is merciful.

Answer 5

Ok maybe you studied but the first thing you need to learn is to treat a woman with respect.It seems that you made already a fool of yourself and shame on you after what you made that girl go through with you on top......fact is not all women bleed after 1x so you have NOTHING to even assume she was not a virgin and also not all girls reach an orgasism espec not 1 after bad sex.you strike me as a guy to have the most fun with a hooker , i know that is so much against your tradition but you seemded not to care with your gf being an animal to her so dont act like you are so sorry for the GIRL,SHE IS JUST BETTER OF WITHOUT YOU.You feel sorry for yourself as that girl didnt make you feel man enough ,you have a PROBLEM.Her being a virgin or not is not the issue you being inexperienced in bed is.If you learn how to respect a woman and realize she is equal things lok already so much better,promise me never be bad to a woman.Only then God will call you his son.

Answer 6

Everyone needs to understand, this is not your culture, things are different. It isn't unusual to "buy" a wife. It is not buying like you all think, it is a different culture.

I can not make remarks about the circumstances you live, however, maybe something happened she is afraid of. Maybe she wants to wait until you are married, since this seems very possible.

You need to not be so aggressive. You are talking just a few days, you will be with her for your whole life. Don't start this relationship being to aggressive.

Answer 7

You should try asking her why. Maybe she doesn't want to until you're married. Maybe she is afraid or doesn't like you anymore since you tried to rape her. A girl deserves better treatment. A man should support his woman, not frighten her. Treat her with love.

Answer 8

you basically raped your fiance and then threw her out of the house. she should be glad she's doing manual labor instead of having to put up with your aggressive, ignorant attempts at being a "husband".

besides... if being a virgin at marriage is so important to your culture, why were you forcing yourself on this woman? sounds to me like you are the one with moral issues.

Answer 9

oh.. too big story.. i hope its real.. and if yes, go on and ask her ll she marry u.. if ok then pls proceede..
if she disagree enjoy life..

now think on ur part.. u r not vergin.. and how can u expect an another vergin girl.. ofcourse she might not be vergin, but i think u have got no other choice other than going for her choice.. ie yes or no..

good luck.. mr.

Answer 10

hmm.

Listen, i know its really exciting that you have a gf but you are doing some things that will make her very angry:

1. you are not listening to her when she tells you she doesnt want sex.
2. you are ripping her clothes off as if you were going to rape her, or something worse. That is not sexy, sensual, and is not going to get the majority of women in the mood.

3. I dont think you guys know each other well enough. In fact, i still think that you guys may be strangers, right? how well do you know this gir? Do you know her favorite color, book, singer, etc? In other words, would you consider her an old acquaintance or someone that you just met?

I ask because women generally have to be comfortable with you before you have sex with them. Secondly, they want to be treated well: respect, attention, affection, and charm, just to name a few. They want to feel special; once they feel special, however you do it, the closer they get to having sex.

women dont like to get their clothes ripped off, specially when they are sleeping! Imagine if you were sleeping and then the fat neighbor he starts ripping your clothes off while you are sleeping. Would you like that? no.

I know she is your fiancee, but believe me, even in your society I have a feeling women dont like to get their clothes ripped off.

Treat her nice, because i have a feeling that women in your country are expected to obey the man, etc. You know what works like a charm, and believe me it does? this works:

treat her like she is a goddess. mistreated women react well to good treatment. Here in america we have a saying: queens like to be treated like whores, and whores like to be treated like queens.

now, im not saying all women in your country are whores. What im saying is that women in your country do not have the freedom or respect or attention or attitude or expectations that women in my country do. I live in the USA, and if you watch TV then you know what kind of women I am talking about. At least you have some clue. Ever heard of Paris HIlton and Lindsay lohan? If you treat women that have freedom like those two do like queens they wont care.

Treat a woman who doesnt have that much to enjoy as a queen and she will be yours.

lesson: treat your gf with respect, be nice to her, and on top of that, be patient. After a few kind treatments (dinner, dancing, massages, conversations) she will give it up.


good luck, pana.