She has 8wk old twin brothers and I am sure getting used to not being the only child has a little bit to do with it, but up until about 2 days ago when her behavior started, she was doing extremely great with them. And, they are still only eating and sleeping, and I have been working on giving her EXTRA attention, so I don't think it's only this situation. Also, while on maternity leave, our family has been staying with my parents, her gma and gpa for a couple of weeks. So, it probably has a lot to do with being away from home. But, she all the sudden one day decided to be defiant to the point, she mocks me and thinks its funny. She was quite well behaved before. Not only will she not mind at all, but she has started biting and hitting me. I am concerned because today she got aggresive with her brothers around and threw a stuffed animal at one of them in anger. I have tried time out, spanking, and simply talking to her sweetly, and still she is so stubborn, she prefers the trouble.
2007-06-29 17:41:18 · 10 answers · asked by lirpa41757 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Start by being her for awhile. See things her way, feel what she is going through. The babies take a lot of time, she's not at home, nothing is the same, she was sooo cute 8 wks ago but now she's suddenly supposed to be "big" and "mommy's little helper", those stupid babies won't even play with her when the grownups can't. Its rough. She didn't age just because you gave birth, make sure she can still be the baby and still be taken care of. Ask her what she wants to have, play with, eat etc a lot (give her a choice of two but give her the choice as much as possible). Help her have something to look forward to, the first few weeks with a new baby tend to blend together for the parents, its easy for days to fly by and we don't notice them, many of those days that seem to have just disappeared, drug on for your daughter because you were busy with the babies. She doesn't prefer the trouble, she prefers the attention and control. I wouldn't spank or punish, I would focus on teaching. Teach her to be gentle with the babies, teach her that it isn't okay to hurt you and most importantly, teach her how to be frustrated, angry and jealous in a healthy way. Help her get her feelings out by beating up on some play-doh or "squashing" a spot on the floor by jumping on it repeatedly. Drawing how she feels and what she wants can help too. Talk to her and label her feelings for her. Help her learn to express herself with words but don't expect her to be able to deal with her life verbally just yet. Many of us find it difficult in our adulthood. Do not assume that her behavior is intended to be "naughty", her behavior is a communication and she cannot express herself any other way right now. Help her find another way and don't take the behavior personally or punish her for feeling (helping her learn that there are consequences for hurting someone or breaking something is different, but don't punish right now, it will make her feel oppressed rather than make your point). Hope this helps. I have three boys and my second was born when my first was two and now my third was born when my second was two. It is a good age spread in a lot of ways, but it can be tough in spots. Email me if you want to vent or need some other ideas. Best wishes.
2007-06-29 18:47:46 · answer #1 · answered by Momofthreeboys 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmm, the terrible 2's. autonomy vs. shame and doubt. her acting out if very much part of her trying to be autonomous. she's gonna push your button to see how far she can go without gettin in trouble.
can i ask wheres dad in this situation, cause takin care of twins and a 2 year old is a lot of work for mom alone. if dad is present both of you guys need to be consistent and firm in settin down the rules. dont let her split you guys, kids are very good at doing that.
start with talks. explain what behaviors are acceptable and which arent. use time outs. place her in a non stimulating environment, make sure this room has no tv, radio, computer, toys, books whatever she enjoys. tell her why shes on timeout and then close the door. use spankin as a last resort. if all else fails (as harsh as it may sound) you may need to spank and punish at the sametime.
hope this helps.
2007-06-30 01:05:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mum I am 2 and attention for bad behaviour is just as acceptable as good, and this way I sure am going to get your attention real quick.
The twins pushed her off her perch so to speak, this will settle in time , but right now the little needs boundries to know that you still love her and care for her, try a star chart on the fridge, put 3 small things she can achieve in 1 day and buy a packet of very large stars, reward her for completing the chart and that can be just spending quality time together.
try the favourite one of mine , sit with the child for 10 minutes after they have been naughty and just give them a cuddle, they sit don't move you sit don't move no matter what.
This will work out it is only temporary, when you go home it will settle as she is trying to get attention from grandparents as well
Enjoy your twins
2007-06-30 03:38:25 · answer #3 · answered by ann s 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start with a naughty chair or bottom step of a stair case if you have one.
Time out with a timer set for 2 minutes at her age. If she gets off the chair she is returned and the timer reset. If she gets off 3 times then the skin of the bottom is given 2 spanks and she is returned to the naughty chair. This can all be repeated if necessary till she sits there for the time out. You have to be consistent and do this every time she acts out. ( mom of 4 boys )
2007-06-30 01:45:33 · answer #4 · answered by connie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is common two year old behaviour!
There's a good way to talk to her about behaviour:
You wait till you're both in an okay mood, then you sit with her on your lap and tell her how much you love her. Then you tell her that it upsets you when she bites (for example) because you believe she knows this is not acceptable behaviour, and you are disappointed that she would do this.
You end by saying that you know she can behave better and that you love to see her learn to control her behaviour .
Then you hug her and put her down .
2007-06-30 01:11:24 · answer #5 · answered by Donna G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its a phase she'll grow outof it just stay firm and constant same punishment for every time she does the same crime. The aggresiveness towards the babies is a little troubling to this mom but I've never had kids so close iin age mine are all 4 years apart (not planned that way) but its probably just a little jealousy sneaking out and she probably thinks since they'e smaller she can take her frustrations out on them but I may be wrong Good Luck and God Bless!
2007-06-30 00:53:43 · answer #6 · answered by renee70466 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read "Making the terrible twos terrific." It is fabulous. Written by John Rosemond, a child psycologist. I'm reading it for the 2nd time now. Down to earth, sensible, not preachy. It has literally saved my life (sanity, mental health). I got it online used (amazon) for less than $5. I highly recommend you read this.
Good luck. Congratulations too on your growing family. You are blessed.
2007-06-30 08:11:14 · answer #7 · answered by Lisa B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two year olds act like that.... I agree with you that if it was the babies she would have acted out in the beginning, not delayed the reaction... Congrats! by the way
What worked best for my daughter...she is 4 now.... was a reward system instead of punishment. Rewards for catching GOOD behavior. Rewards for the potty. Rewards for table manners, etc... that way she was only getting attention when she was GOOD....ignored the other stuff unless she was in harm's way... and she grew out of it.
2007-06-30 00:52:25 · answer #8 · answered by ~♥Anna♥~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are the mother and YOU set the limits...
yes it's going to be tricky with twins to deal with this also...
so how about a motherly chat.........
Daughter, I love you so..you are my first born and will always be first in my heart........but I need your help.........these boys keep me going...can you help mama?....
give her jobs that make her important, and thank her for doing them...
spend time with her every day doing something sweet together...perhaps a teddy bear tea party??? a lemonade stand?? a popcorn and movie time together???
once she realizes you aren't going to leave her behind, I think she'll catch up..........
2007-06-30 00:49:10 · answer #9 · answered by imask8r 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not called the terrible twos for nothing
2007-06-30 00:44:13 · answer #10 · answered by Aimee B 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋