parents are just too controlling!!!!?

Question

im 17 and my parents are soooo controlling nowadays!! i mean i do my house chores, get good grades and i feel i behave like im supposed to. but my parents want me to join a sport but im not a sporty person by nature but i lift weights and i like to work out. My mom made me feel soo guilty that i didnt join a sport because i said i wasnt going to do something just to please her because i was ultimatly going to be the one going to the practices and this year its going to be hard since im volunteering at a daycare nearby. And my mom said "god forbid you do anything to please us" and they think they can control who i marry i mean its ME getting married, not them! what do i do?? im a senior this fall so i can wait to get accepted to college and dorm there but how do i talk to them about their control issues?

im in the amnesty international club at school and even THAT isnt good enough for them

Answer 1

I would have to say that your parents do not want the best for you, they want the best for THEM. As I got older, my parents placed increasing pressure on me to do things that they wanted and ultimately they tried to live through me. It became very stressful and almost punishment, even though I too volunteered, I even got scholarships from volunteering, I got a 3.6 gpa, I didn't even have a boyfriend, I took care of my chores, my siblings, I didn't do drugs, etc. But unfortunately it was never good enough for them.

I say that your parents want what is best for THEM because if they truly cared about your happiness they would say instead "hey honey I'd like you to consider a sport because when I was in high school I didn't join any and I wished I had-- I just don't want you to regret it either" or "I want to see you stay healthy, and joining a sport would be the most convenient way." The fact that your mother said "God forbid you do anything to please us" is obvious enough.

I will tell you know what I wished I was told before: if you try to spend all of your life pleasing your parents and giving in to their control, you will not be happy. This happened to me until I was 22 and I was very depressed and lowered my standards in life and even let myself go badly. Now that I've told them to shut up and let me live my life (goodness forbid I actually live it) they leave me alone.

And don't let anyone tell you that you "owe" your parents anything. If you wanted to owe your parents something, you could be a mutual fund with high interest rates or borrow a loan from them. What parents fail to realize (especially the older generation) is that we cannot be miniatures of them, we are our own person and yes we will consider what they suggest if it has merit-- but constantly following what they say won't allow us to grow up.

Take the time now to lay down some ground rules. When your mom tries the guilt trip again say to her "I think you should be proud of me for volunteering my time instead of trying to gain meaningless trophies. Can I please get some support?" or "I feel like everything I do isn't good enough. Should I do what you want and be unhappy, or can you support me and accept that I'm my own person?" I know these sound like they're supposed to incite guilt but you know what--- it's karma.

I would take this time to get a job, save up a LOT of money, and a little while after turning 18, move out. When you move out, yes your mom will probably be crying, but they'll definitely get the point.

Answer 2

I have the same problem but nowadays I try to let it be I just keep reminding myself that I'm almost 18, senior year is going to go by fast and then I'm off to college. I usually keep it in which is kinda bad cause one day I'll burst out yelling at them then probably get grounded. I've already had talks with my parents about how controlling they can be but then always say "its for your own protection" or "theres a reason why we're so strict its because we don't want you making stupid decisions." Thing is not allowing your kids to experience life makes them do stupid things in the future.

Your just really lucky you don't have strict parents like me, I'm never allowed out, not allowed to sleep over, curfew is at 8 pm, not allowed to be the only girl hanging out with guys (which is a problem because most of my friends are guys), not allowed to be alone, can't walk around the mall without a guardian, not allowed to date, etc.

I've really got it bad. Just be glad you are not me.

Answer 3

Chances are you are not going to change your parents views.Sometimes when a teen is approaching adulthood parents tend to pull in the reins even tighter because they fear they are losing their child.If you haven't already done so sit down and discuss this.Remind them that as much as you respect them and their opinions,you are an adult and in order to make it in this world you need to have the ability to think and act for yourself.You can not send a child out into an adult world and expect that they will survive.They should allow you to make decisions on your own now so that you will be better prepared to face the challenges later on.You have to be allowed to make your own decisions and even your own mistakes so that you can learn.That is life.They cannot protect you forever.I think they are afarid and you need to remind them they raised you to be responsible and they need to trust that.Best of luck!

Answer 4

It sounds like your parents want the best for you. Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do except to continue as you have been and endure it for another year. You can try talking to them, but don't expect them to change much. It might help if you could make some effort to do some things to please them. Ultimately it is you who will make the decisions in your life, but it won't hurt if you try something new when they ask you too. It will show that you are making an effort to please them.

Answer 5

POOR YOU…..So what do you want a medal ….get over yourself already ….and stop complaining …..are they supporting you….then there’s really not much you can say …you think that when you turn 18 its going to be different….man you are clueless….you are always going to be their baby regardless of how old you are….instead of crying like a spoiled brat…just be glad you have a parent or parents who want what’s best for you….I know you don't see it ....but once you get out in the real world…you think your parents telling what to do gets on your nerves ..Just wait until your roommate, Professors or employer does it…

Answer 6

You just can't hun...trust me, I've tried... -.-

My parents are controlling, and I know my limits and their standards of me...so I obey, for now cuz Ima be a senior too, and I cannot WAIT to get out...

Just sit down with them and say hey, can I get a lil space?

Good luck!

<3 La Reina

Answer 7

When you turn 18, they can't do jack. You are on your own and you don't have to listen to them anymore.

Answer 8

leave it be. once you turn 18 you won't have to worry about it.