My mother attemted suicide, how do I help?

Question

I found out from my 14 yr old sister that my mother keeps attempting suicide. My sister has had to stop her at least once. She was suicidal before when I was a kid and it terrified me, for a very long time. I'm concerned for my 3 sister's emotional health, and of course for my mother. But I don't know what to do. My mother won't take my calls, or talk to anyone. I understand how she feels, I was there once too. But she has young kids with her and a husband and I want to help but I don't want to make things worse for her by intruding. What can I do? I want to help he, and I want to spare my sisters any further terror.

I found out from my 14 yr old sister that my mother keeps attempting suicide. My sister has had to stop her at least once. She was suicidal before when I was a kid and it terrified me, for a very long time. I'm concerned for my 3 sister's emotional health, and of course for my mother. But I don't know what to do. My mother won't take my calls, or talk to anyone. I understand how she feels, I was there once too, I know what it's like to want to die. But she has young kids with her and a husband and I want to help but I don't want to make things worse for her by intruding. What can I do? I want to help her, and I want to spare my sisters any further terror.

Her husband is not a kind man, and most likely the major trigger for her attempts... for example, he refuses to let her work and keeps he on the phone all day.

Answer 1

well first, if what's triggering your mom to do this is her husband, then maybe you should talk to him first. try to come up with a conclusion in which you both agree. Maybe try to convince him to let your mom work part time or something like that. It seems that your mom wants her to have a social life. So try to talk to her husband about this. Ask him if he rather have her die, or let her have friends. For this case, maybe a divorce would be helpful, but your mom probably is sticking to her husband because of financial issues. But having a divorce may not be so bad. On the bright side, she'll hopefully stop attempting suicide. She'll get friends, be able to work, have a few laughs, feel freedom. I think this is what she wants, but she feels trapped because of her husband. If she does want to get a divorce, but her concern is financial or any other issues, then maybe you and your sisters can help her out there. Just help her get onto her feet and explore the daily life of an average person. Like if she needs a bit of money, maybe you and your sisters can come up with a plan on giving her like an allowance. Personally, I'd try to fix things without going to the whole calling services thing. Consider some of my advices there. It might help. I hope it does. If worse comes to worse, call a lawyer and consult this or call 911. I think the major problem is what's causing your mom to attempt suicide. Therefore, try to minimize that BEFORE you talk to your mom about how she still needs to consider the people around her. You don't want to pressure her or make her feel blamed.

I hope this helps. If you need any more advice feel free to e-mail me or AIM me at eek its carmyy
my advice may not be so professional, i'm only 14 ^^ but I've gone through a lot so hopefully what i see that can help in my point of view will help you.

Answer 2

You are not intruding by getting more involved. I am not sure of your mothers medical history. Is she on medication for a mental disorder such as MPD (Multiple personality disorder)or diagnosed with manic depression or bipolar. Unfortunately, this is not something you or siblings CAN FIX. Im not sure how you get along with moms husband, but I can say that MOM NEEDS LONGTERM CARE. At this time, sparing your sisters terror, is common because of the situation. You all are pretty much in the same boat not knowing how to help your mom. I will tell you, many, many medications that are out on the market for mood disorders can make the situation worse. The best suggestion, I can give to you and siblings involved. You cannot play hero in this situation. Its not possible. All you can do is suggest she get professional long term care. However, there is a husband involved as well. Maybe, its time to talk to husband about your concerns. I know its hard for you personally. I think you need to get involved more only to get a grip on reality what mom is going through, you may have inherited. That way you can save yourself, from the torture. I will tell you first hand. Mental problems are so hard to understand. Its not like a cold that it will get better over a few days. It becomes tiresome for the one who has them and the ones who are trying to support the one who has them. The one who has the problem is left feeling like a huge burden on their family and friends. Most likely thats why she is not returning your calls. I think its time to organize a demand with her husband. You are her kids, and want to see the best for her. She needs long term care. Monitoring 24 7. If moms hubby is not willing to see your side, perhaps its time to take it up with a lawyer.

Answer 3

I get what you're talking about, when I was growing up my dad would always tell my brother and I about his suicide attempts that he kept trying, which eventually lead to me trying out my own.

Confront her. You say she won't take calls or talk to anyone etc, so just go straight round to her place and do whatever it takes, whether you have to hold her there against her force.

Avoid telling her what shes doing wrong - that WON'T help. It'll make her feel worse, like she can't do anything right, so why should she bother trying to fix things?

After that, I'm not 100% sure what to do. Find someone else to look after your sisters temporarily, someone who won't interrogate them all the time about whats happening. Make sure your mother is placed somewhere where she can get help (rehab etc) even if its against her will.

TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO ARE SAYING TO SAY THAT YOU LOVE HER: No offence, but you do NOT know what you're talking about. She won't listen, and it would make her feel worse and not lead to any improvement at all. I know first hand what it's like, it is NOT as simple as movies say it is. This is the real world. There may not be a happy ending.

All the best - I had a similar childhood, only it was my dad. Remember - Don't follow your emotions, follow your head.

Answer 4

Depression is a terrible thing. I've experienced it. It's such a dark feeling. You need to get your mother some help. She is obviously just attempting enough to cry out for someone to help her. She needs to take an anti-depressant and some therapy. Find out what the problems are that make her feel that suicide is the only answer. It might be something as simple as she's not producing enough seritonin ( I know that's not spelled correctly) in the brain which causes depression. She is reaching out for help in her own way if someone is actually able to stop her. If she really wanted to commit suicide - she would do it when nobody was around. She wants help - I know the signs. When you are depressed you don't want to talk to anybody because deep down, you don't want to bring anybody else down... has nothing to do with you personally.

Answer 5

Id suggest medication and some therapy. If she cant afford it suggest her working out. Or maybe (Im gonna be frank) tell her its a VERY selfish move on her part to attempt suicide cuase her actions will cause damage on the family if not some already caused. Shes not the only person dealing with rough issues and why would you want to make your family go through such trauma. i woud tell myself this when I considered attempting suicide... I pray your mother gets well seriously and although I would suggest one person stay with her at all times but that could also become a burden, so hopefully things work out for you. Has she ever tried St. John wort?

Answer 6

I think you should be very honest with her and say mom listen i love you so much and so do the other 3 kids and we would never want anything bad to happen to you. You mean the world to me, and when you do stuff like this is scares me! And try to get her some help and be really supportive of her. My uncle was really deppressed and so he went to rehab because his best friend had died and he was really upset and he started doing drugs because he felt like he had no one to talk to but we were all here for him and he was just so deppressed that he just wasnt him self. So you should tell your mom that she can talk with you about anything and that youre behind her the whole way and your willing to help her if she is willing to try and get help.
Good luck! Hope i helpt atleast a little bit.

Answer 7

Your mom needs to be admitted to a mental hospital for evaluation. She is a danger to herself and to others. Talk to her husband. People who attempt suicide usually succeed sooner or later. She might decide to take her young children with her. Please, take steps now to prevent this. Even if she refuses, you can have her hospitalized for 72 hours (an emergency committment). She really needs help. Don't worry about hurting her feelings or anything like that. Save her life.

Answer 8

Unfortunately your mother has to want help. What you could do for your self is find support for you. If you have lived with this for a long time it has affected your mental health. No that does not mean you are crazy or anything like that.

Answer 9

I have been there too..the truth is there is not much you can do except be there for her..make sure she knows that there are people that love her and will miss her when she is gone..Where she is coming from she probably thinks you don't understand...has she been depressed lately that could lead to suicide attempts....for me it was depression and anxiety simultaneously.

Answer 10

I cant personally help you but these are a few suicide help line numbers

Girls and Boystown national hotline : [phone]
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)

Those are there to help you get through this as well as to help your mom.