I have a bf that moved in with me he has two children wich i love so so much. He is a very up down person all the time and when i say down i mean down his verbal abuse can cut like a knife.not to mention all the drama with his x.but anyway i am very sad and not happy at all with him .we are in the middle of a custody battle with his x trying to get custody and we do have tempory custody right now..his daughter sees i am sad alot but begsme no to leave her dad.This is killin me i know that i am the closest thing to a good mom she has had ever and he is either playing his game watching tv or sleeping.so i not only work two jobs but still spend more time with the kids than him.I really think he is bi polar but wont go to the docs. to help him even the kids see it.Do i leave and take my losses and break her heart or do i stay for the kids.oh and i have my own children as well but they hate the way he is too.please help say something i need to hear..
2007-06-29 15:54:04 · 9 answers · asked by dragonfly 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You can still be a good friend to the girl even if you aren't with her dad. Your's primary responsibility is to your children and to yourself. You can't lose them bec of this man.
2007-06-29 16:02:45 · answer #1 · answered by old beatnik 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave.
Your kids are/ should be #1 on the list. Followed by your happiness.
Its your call. Weigh it out. You say he is a very up down person, but u only mentioned the downs. Bi Polar? Drama with the X? U work 2 jobs, but state all he does is play a game, watch tv and sleep.... does he work? Doesnt matter.
Do u love him or his kids?
Do u love your own kids?
R U happy?
The bottom line is U have to do what is right for U AND your children. Weigh it out. Do his " ups" counterbalance the downs? Sometimes people seem like the perfect one for ya, then they move in and pull a Jekyll and Hyde move on you.
Going on what you said, pesonally, I would bail on him. Good luck, hope u figure it out.
2007-06-29 16:08:18 · answer #2 · answered by dizzead 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about this. Maybe if you haven't tried or could try again to get tough with him and tell him that if he wants to get custody of his kids, and he owes them that by the sounds of it, he needs to get his life in order - his depression/ mental issues (which are perhaps reasonably treatable), his unemployment and his family relationships. If he won't do it for you or himself, maybe he will do it for his kids. He can't rely on you to be the breadwinner and not do something about his mental problems, and expect to keep you and the kids. Maybe you do need to cut your losses, but if you do care for him and the kids, maybe you will be able to help him get himself sorted out. You have to live your life, but it sounds like you have an important role with his kids and maybe can make a difference for them in their lives. Good luck with whatever you decide. Maybe it might help if you go and see the doctor and explain the situation and see if they can give you some advice about what could be the problem and why and ways to best handle the situation and how others have coped in your situation and with your and his kids (maybe there are support groups that could confidentially help you out with advice and support too).
2007-06-29 16:22:51 · answer #3 · answered by Max 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cut him loose.
It doesn't have to be permanent, although it should be done as if it is. Tell his children that they can count on you if they ever really need your help. Explain to them that your relationship with him is not helping him get his life together, and that it is hard on your own family to stay with him. Ask him for permission to keep in touch with his kids, if they were to contact you.
It's not your responsibility to get him to a doctor if he's got problems. It's his own. It's not your responsibility to help him get custody of his kids, when he won't even be sincere enough to yours to make them like him. You can't take responsibility for his kids; you just can't - hard to accept, yeah, but true. Staying in this relationship is what they call "enabling." Just get out.
If he changes, really changes, shows that you're a priority and he's willing to do what it takes to be good to you and the kids -- you can take him back. But if he is going to do that, it's not going to be while you're staying. Meanwhile, he's just leeching the joy out of your life - and your kids' lives, too.
2007-06-29 16:03:24 · answer #4 · answered by zilmag 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have your duty to yourself & your children. If this person is disrupting your life & your children's also, I really think you should go on your own. Also, if he is like you described him to be, he is not a good influence on his own children. I don't know why he got the children over the ex, but something has to be done w/his mood swings & the care of his own children. You can't take on the responsibility of the whole world, you have yourself & your own children to take care of. Our responsibilities are to our own off springs. I feel bad about his daughter, but also feel she doesn't need to be around the manic person her father sounds like in your description. He definately needs professional help & like you said, he could be helped if he had the rite meds. that only a Dr. can give him. Please think of you & yours FIRST! All the best to you, I know it's a hard decision, but do rite by yourself & YOUR family first!
2007-06-29 16:08:29 · answer #5 · answered by Sue C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about your situatiion. I will keep it simple. Is this relationship working for you right now? Do you want this for the rest of your life for you and your kids? I doubt it very much. I feel sad about his kids but you need to get out of there and eventually find someone who truly cares for you and cherishes you. This current guy sounds like your his maid, babysitter and good for sex....not to be confused with "making love". I hope this helps you a little.
2007-06-29 16:05:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My Dear, You allow yourself to be in the situation by staying so why are you complaining? Either stay and accept everything or leave and make a life for yourself. And to diagnose someone do you have an MD after your name? That sounds a little harsh coming from as you put it in your question "I love the two children so much"
2007-06-29 16:03:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
get out of there and take the kids with you. And when all this drama between him and his ex settles down go back to him and dump him if you can. Good Luck!!! And god's grace !!!!!!!
2007-06-29 15:59:30 · answer #8 · answered by Sarah L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
demand he either get some help with his mood swings or you will leave him mybest wishes for you
2007-06-29 15:58:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋