Have a problem with my mom....?

Question

I am living with my mom and step-dad because I am a single parent with three little ones and I cant afford to live on my own. I am taking my ex to court to pay more to no avail yet. Well, everytime my kids go to stay with there dad, I look forward to desperately needed relaxation and writing. The thing is thats when my mom goes on a crusade to get me to work on all the things I need to work on. I do need to work on some things but I also need to have some downtime. I am always exhausted from caring for 3 kids and the drama of the court case. AS SOON as the kids leave she has a to do list for me and that in itself stresses me out. Am I being selfish because she seems to think so. How can I better handle this. I am so stressed out I am shaky (theres a million other things going on too).

Thanks for the good advice....I guess I have never been accused of being "overly organized".

Maybe I am being a little ungrateful, too.

Answer 1

That is a big problem just convice your about then you'll have things fine.

Answer 2

Yea...don't take this as being on your mom's side but you do have a lot of drama in your live whether this is caused directly by you or not.

Your spouse has left you (you left your spouse) when you had three young ones with whole lot of baggage yourself.

I believe your mom has seen this coming for awhile and you have a lovely target on your butt...and it time (she feels) to kick it.

Right or wrong (I repeat myself) she saw this coming and you did not and you're the patsy. You don't have a fraternal dad for support however if he were around he may just side with mom. Which may make her point right.

My suggestion is that you ask for support from like minded parents (in the community) and sit and talk with mom and ask if there was ONE thing on the list which she wants you to address the most which ONE is it. And start from there and you know what?? it doesn't have to happen when the kids are gone!

You might not like to hear her answer. I personally don't think your selfish you are over whelmed by ALL the events in your life. Picking the wrong partner, having three young ones when you may not have been ready, not having anything to fall back on, not being able to say "time for a hot bubble bath".

You might as well be aware that while I was reading this question I realized your life won't suddenly be heaven after the court case. You have a life time to go you might as well knuckle down and start today and discover when the change actually happened in your life and you will see that it happen long before you had a nonsupporting spouse or even out of school.

I offer my prayers for you and surround you with the white light of hope and that you see for yourself there is a difference between needing relaxation and shedding some issues and getting rid of the million and two reasons you are stressed.

Answer 3

Maybe she starts bugging you right away because you don't jump up and do the things she thinks you should get done as soon as she asks, so she thinks she has to start bugging you about them sooner in order for you to get around to them before the kids get back. Could you make some kind of deal with your mom that you'll work on a few things for X amount of time as soon as the kids leave, but then you are going to stop and relax? That way she wouldn't worry for your whole break about whether you are ever going to get this or that done, and you could truly relax without a "to do" list hanging over your head. If you agree on principle that at least some of this stuff your mom wants you to do is stuff you should be doing, it doesn't really make any overall difference if you do it at the start of your break or at the end - you still have the same amount of work and the same amount of break.

Answer 4

Talk to her prior to the kids leaving like a week before, ask her what she would like you to do, and explain the fact that you would like some down time. We all think people know how we feel , but they can't read minds.
You also have to cut her some slack you are living in her house.
She maybe catching some shi* from her husband, and your kids could also be stressing her out.
Another solution maybe to have the kids stay at the ex's house for a week so you can take care of a bunch of things for your mother, try to start over again with your mother with a clean slate.
Organize your time better

Answer 5

Sorry about this situation, it's pretty sticky. Can you talk to your mom about your stress? Taking care of 3 kids is not easy, especially while juggling a court case. But maybe your mom also has good reasons for getting you to motivate. Maybe she wants to get your mind off the drama, or she wants you to pitch in because it's been rough on her as well. You should try to communicate with one another.

Answer 6

The way to combat your Mom, is to provide her with a list of the things she can do; and at the top of the list you give her is the statement; let your daughter work it out her way.Nothing is worse than a pesky interfering mother.Tell her your weary and need timeout.And if needs be contact a Counsellor and get advice there.The whole paternity and court thing is a worrying time for anyone. And don't wait for Mom to boss you, get out of the house, and do something nice for yourself. It will come right. Good Luck!

Answer 7

You are a single parent depending on your mom and step-dad for support. Why exactly are you not supporting yourself? Do you lack the education you need to get suitable employment? If so, remedy the situation and get your degree. Do you lack motivation to find suitable work? Your three children, whose expenses will only increase, is all the motivation you need. You will have little choice but to have your children enrolled in a daycare program... you'll qualify for financial assistance. You will most likely need to work two jobs for steady paychecks. In your "down time" you can perform extra work for neighbors to earn cash... ironing, laundry, house cleaning, and yard work. You can forget about getting money out of your ex... if you do get lucky, all the better. But don't depend on one dime from your ex... that puts him in control and yourself at risk. If you're shaky, see your doctor, get the meds you need to survive, and get to work. I really don't see your mother as the problem... YOU are the problem. Sorry, but somebody has to tell you that. Be self-supportive and you won't put yourself in these situations.

Answer 8

explain to her that you understand that you need to do that stuff, but you need to take a day to relax in order to get your head back. Think about taking a day trip to the spa and maybe take you mom along (basically to say to her that you understand she is dealing with a lot of the stress too because the kids stay there) get a massage and a mask and just relax. It sounds like you both could use it. (if that isn't cost effective for you, go to a pharmacy, buy Montagne Jennesse face masks they have a lage variety like mud packs and they only cost like $1.25 each and you can just use one as you soak in the tub)

Answer 9

I hate to say this but if your mom is letting you stay with her then you really should make an effort to do the things she'd like you to do. Perhaps you can talk to her and come to an arrangement where you have some downtime and you also spend some time doing the things she wants you to do. For example, Saturday is your day to rest and relax and on Sunday you do the things she'd like you to do.

Answer 10

Why don't you talk with your mom, tell her you need a few hours to yourself - to unwind and get refreshed from taking care of 3 small kids? She might understand your situation and realize that you are hard up to your chin with being a full-time mother. Being a mother herself she would relate to your present predicament I guess. Tell her you'll do errands after you have rested well enough to cope with all the things needed doing.

No, you are not being selfish. You are a human being, not a robot and you need to rest; your mother should see and understand your side.

Answer 11

If I were you I would

1. make plans in advance for most of the time I have to myself, to go out somewhere to do my writing and reflection. Get out of their house during that time. Go all day if need be, hop from coffeehouse to park to coffeehouse with my laptop. Maybe find a buddy who will meet me, giving some urgency to the commitment to get out. Inform my mom ahead of time of my plans -- tell her how much I need this time, and why. If she begins to whine about her list, dismiss -- tell her 'Oh, don't worry about it, I'll have plenty of time to get it done.' Ask her to please give me that list now, instead of saving it for when the kids leave, 'so I can budget the time.' Also this avoids the confrontation occurring right when I should be feeling the stress begin to relieve.

2. set aside some of the free time to do the top-priority things on her list. This is a matter of showing respect and gratitude for them sharing their home with me and my kids. Don't expect myself to finish all the stuff on the list, just prioritize a few things for each visit the kids go on. Then do these things, and do them in a relaxed manner - knowing I'll be glad I did. This gives me ammo, too, for self-defense when she accuses me of not working on any of it.