dad & step dad at the reception...?

Question

I will be getting married in a year...I'm 34 so you wouldn't think this would be an issue! My father LOATHES my step-father- I am not afraid of a scene, but I want desperately for him (dad) to feel comfortable. My step-father is oblivious that my father doesn't like him (long story)...aside from seating them apart- which will happen! any other suggestions? (My reception is going to be outside, but the space isn't huge....any advice would be appreciated!!

...ok, maybe not so long of a story- my mother passed away 5 years ago. She had left me an inheritance- my step father was in financial straights and I let him have it- with the understanding he would help me financially (home purchase) which he decided was no longer something he needed to do...Dad feels he stole from me- and that is unforgivable in his eyes...as I said- my father will not be confrontational- but I really want him to enjoy this day (he paid for the 1st wedding- this one's on me and my fiance!)....sticky situation, huh?

Answer 1

Since you didn't ask advice about what to do with your stepfather who won't give you your money back, let's move on the wedding issues. Since you seem to have forgiven your step-father (lucky him!), your father needs to give you the gift of civility towards him at your wedding. Sit your father down and affirm his feelings ("I know you don't like 'Sam' but I would like you to keep your feelings in check on my wedding day as a gift to me.") Next, since your mother is no longer living (my condolences), your father sits in the front right "pew" and "Sam" would sit the third pew back--natural parents get precedence. Obviously, since this is a second marriage, you don't need your father to "give you away". Instead, you could walk down the aisle by yourself and your husband-to-be could walk toward you and meet you half-way and the two of you could walk the rest of the way together (great symbolism). At the reception, keep the men seated with at least a table between them. What they do after that is up to them. I wouldn't bother to tell your step-father how your father feels. It's not up to you to be the messenger for that piece of news. I suspect your step-father may suspect, if he has any kind of a conscience.

Answer 2

I would seat them apart with 1 pew in between them at the ceremony. Then at the reception make their tables as far away as possible. The odds are your father will be so happy and excited for you that he will be too busy celebrating to feel uncomfortable.

Finally, it is important that you just talk to your dad openly about this issue. Let him know that you want for him to be as comfortable as possible at the wedding and ask him if there is anything that you can do. Since he is an adult he should be able to avoid any confrontation with your father for at least one day so you can all celebrate together.

Good luck!

Answer 3

I see this sort of thing a lot, I attend 30-40 weddings a year and this is truly the best way to handle it. Talk to both Dad's and let them know your concerns and make it clear that it is your day and if either one feel uncomfortable with the guest list (this includes any guest) then it is up to them to be the adult and not attend.

It is not your decision to ask one of them to not attend it would be offensive no matter who was asked, these are adult men that should be reasonable enough to get along for one evening or be mature enough to decline the invitation.

This is not something that as a Bride you should have to be concerned with on your wedding day so take yourself out of the loop and worry about you.

Be strong and believe in them both as I'm sure they both love you very much and would do anything it takes to make sure that you have a wonderful wedding.

Answer 4

Well, usually parents and stepparents sit together at the reception tables, in this case, DON'T do that. Put them equally close to you so they know that no one is in the lead (you know how guys can be). Also, with the father/daughter dance...make sure your biological dad has the first father/daughter dance with you. And dancing with your stepfather can be left as an option. Also, do you know which one will walk you down the aisle? Both would be great!

Oh, and another thing. Make sure that you sit both of them down (seperately) and tell them that it is your day, and that you don't want them to be immature about something that happened. They should be there happy for you....not pissed because of the other dad.

Answer 5

Sometimes people have to deal with people they don't like... and that includes your father NOT ruining your big day due some petty gripes. You are wise to seat them apart... and also wise to invite them both. Unless your father is immature or a total idiot, the day should be just fine. Certainly he will put YOU above any selfish feelings he may have regarding your step-dad. Whether he feels comfortable or not is totally up to him. Tell him you love him... if that's not enough to make him feel comfortable, he really should see a therapist.

Answer 6

Sounds like you have your work cut out for you in the future. I am sending you a prayer and a wish that, in time, your father and step-father can learn to get along. How wonderful this would be for you and your husband and any future grandchildren they may have. Have someone that each of them respect to give them a good talking to BEFORE the wedding. An older man, perhaps, would be someone they each would listen to. God bless and good luck!

Answer 7

one option might be for you to speak with your biological father and ask him to be nice to your step-father. After all, this is YOUR special day and how your father is going to behave should be the least of your worries. Talk to him and express your concerns. Tell he doesn't have to go out of his way to be nice or anything, but if your step-father approaches him ask him to at least be cordial! I don't think there is to much else you can do besides putting them apart like you orginally planned to do anyway!

Answer 8

Let them do their thing. They are grown men. Don't spend your wedding reception babysitting them. Have a good time and enjoy the day you worked so hard to plan. I understand completely where you are coming from since my mom's side of the family is the same way towards my dad.

Answer 9

You find friends who can run interferance for you. My father in law and I hated each other. My future sister inlaws stayed with dad and had all the kids hover over him to keep busy. I would suggest finding close friends who understand the situation to keep eyes on them and intercept.

Answer 10

Have a talk with your Dad. Tell him that your Step Dad, hasn't a clue. Ask him not to agitate, and quite possibly avoid Step Dad. Your Dad will probably cooperate.